fairs of honour' nineteen times out of twenty terminate without the slightest wound, a result which we charitably suppose to arise from the conscientious seconds omitting to put in the bullets!

We hope no man of nice honour will demand satisfaction for this assertion, for surely the charge cannot be deemed serious-where there is nothing but powder!

ROUND THE EIGHTH.

THE days of chivalry are gone! and the knights too have gone with the days, and a very fortunate 'go' it is for the peace and quiet of the present generation.

There are some romantic enough to believe that the 'moderns' have dwindled and degenerated; that we are as dwarfs in comparison with those thumping' boys of other days, and that in the battle-field we have become mere children—in arms!

This is a false conclusion. The knights of old were certainty ironed (and not unfrequently mangled), but the gentlemen of the present day are differently got up,' although they are done for quite as ef fectually as in by-gone days. The case is altered, but not the man. We no longer see men armed cap-à pie in steel or brass, except at the Lord Mayor's show; and so ridiculous an illustration do they afford of the unwieldy cavalry of the golden age of chivalry, that we are induced to exclaim in the words of the old song,

'What a figure! what a fright!
'Tis a goblin or sprite!

Whoe'er saw such an iron-bound loon?

With his leathery phiz,

Spit and pot-lid it is;

He has surely dropped from the moon!'

A pretty sight it must have been to have seen these same stalwart knights encased in steel, running and tilting at each other in the tournay, mounted on chargers resembling a small edition of brewers' horses, and poking each other in the ribs with long lances ! casting one another in sport over the horse's crupper, and rolling on their backs in the saw-dust, and floundering about like so many helpless turtles, amidst the plaudits of ladies fair! Truly a most delectable and appropriate entertainment for those dames and damosels who were primed with a delicate dejeuner of beefsteaks and porter, with a red-herring for a relish! These things are, however, after all, a mere matter of tatse--we allude to the tournay, not the breakfast.

ROUND THE LAST.

A YOUTH, rather out at elbows, and whose habits were evidently disordered, if not disorderly, was brought before a magistrate, charged with pointing a fowling-piece at a gentleman, with a threat of bringing him down.'

The gentleman, however, proving game,' although not exactly of that sort which the law grants licences to kill, had wrested the 'deadly tube' from the hands of his assailant, and given him in custody.

The prisoner, being called upon for his defence, coolly replied, 'that, being disarmed, he could not defend himself; that the affair was of a delicate nature, and, there being a lady in the case, he was too gallant to divulge her name, or hold her up as a mark for the comments of a curious public.' And further, that he could not offer bail, as he had invested all he was worth in the purchase of that particular stock (pointing to the fowling-piece), upon which the complainant had placed a distringas.'

The gentleman, for the same reasons adduced by the prisoner, not wishing to press the case, the worthy magistrate, with a decision truly Hibernian, merely bound him over to keep the peace, and took away his gun!'

Fighting of all kinds is a profitless folly; and the only difference between a civil and a military action is, that in the latter the parties are pretty sure to get damages, although their recovery is frequently dubious.

For our own part, we only wish we had the power by a single stroke (of our pen!) of giving a death-blow to Mars, or that we could effectually cool the courage of the combative by turning all the warlike -into the Pacific!

EDITED BY ALFRED CROWQUILL.

MALAY VENGEANCE.

BY H. R. ADDISON.

I VISITED the coast of Coromandel purposely to see the far-famed procession of Jugghernaut, which I found so far from falling short of those accounts I had hitherto looked upon as exaggerated, that, although I had gone to see it fully prepared to view horrors, I came away sickened and terrified by scenes more revolting than imagination ever pictured. Indeed, to this very moment, some of the incidents recur with such striking force, that I even now regret ever having looked on such abominations and cruelties. Men slicing their flesh with sharp knives; mothers sacrificing their children; bigots performing every torture on themselves, and fanatics dashing their heads beneath the enormous wheels of the car, which in the next moment crushed their skulls before my face, were amongst some of the lesser terrors of this disgusting fete, from which, after a few hours, I hastened away, fully determined never again to revisit it,

VOL. X.

69

On my way back to Madras I stopped at the house of Mr. T—, one of the best fellows I know, one of the sincerest and most upright magistrates in India. Kind to his servants, an excellent parent, T

was generally beloved by all who knew him.

When I arrived, I found my friend absent. His wife, however, did the honours for him, and gave me a pressing invitation to remain a couple of days, until her husband's return. She had three children, was one of the most elegant women I know, and, though of a hasty temper, was good-hearted and well-intentioned.

I accepted her invitation, and retired to dress for dinner. I had not completed my toilette, when I heard a great bustle in the house; so, hastening to finish my task of adorning, I quickly descended to the hall, where I found Mrs. T-bitterly lamenting the loss of a superb emerald necklace which had suddenly disappeared from her trinket-box, in which she declared she had carefully deposited it a few days before.

A strict search took place. Every servant was examined; but all to no purpose, till it was suddenly recollected that a young Malay boy, about ten years of age, who had hitherto acted as a sort of page, had been sent to the case to bring down a ring to his mistress on the previous morning. The boy had also been seen with some money, which he however averred he had received from his father, and in his statement he was borne out by his parent (who was one of the kidmutgars in the household); but, as it was only natural he should endeavour to screen his child, little attention was paid to his corroborating testimony.

The result was, that suspicion pointed so strongly at the boy that his mistress desired him instantly to be tied up and flogged until he confessed what he had done with the stolen necklace. The unhappy father threw himself on his knees, and, kissing the feet of Mrs. T—, besought her to relent. But, considering the case too clearly brought home to the young Malay, and annoyed at his refusal to admit his guilt, she refused to listen to the parent's appeal.

The boy was tied up, and punished till the blood actually flowed down his back. The father was present at the scene, and, though he nearly bit his lips through, he did not attempt to interfere. His son endured the torture without a groan, and, after three dozen lashes, he was taken down fainting, without having made any confession.

The next morning he was again flogged, but he still remained obdurate. A third infliction on the following day had no better effect; so, by my advice, Mrs. T— abstained from further attempts to elicit an admission of the theft until the return of her husband, which had been postponed unavoidably for another week.

The boy speedily recovered, and soon returned to his work. The father, though seemingly much hurt at heart, uttered no complaint, and performed his duties as usual.

At the end of the week my friend T arrived, bringing with him some pleasant companions, who were, with true Indian hospitality, made welcome; and in a few hours they found themselves thoroughly at home under my friend's roof.

The next morning, after breakfast, the fond husband brought down a collection of little gifts he had procured for his wife and children, who eagerly flocked round him, and expressed their joy

'As each new treasure met their longing eyes.'

By the by, here is the necklace you may remember, my dear,' said T- turning to his wife, 'you desired me to take from your trinket-box, and get repaired,' and he drew forth a superb set of emeralds.

In an instant I saw him rush forward, only just in time to catch his wife, who fell swooning into his arms. My friend, who doated on her, was in indescribable agony. The suddenness of the fit, for which he was wholly at a loss to account; her sobs and bitter exclamations, as she slowly recovered, seemed to wring his heart. The whole scene was one of mystery to me, till with a sudden effort she raised her head, and in a tone of unaffected sorrow exclaimed,

'Forgetful wretch that I am! I have falsely accused poor Sidommy, and punished him for stealing it.'

I started with horror. In a moment his countenance assumed a grave, a severe expression, and as his wife explained the affair to him, I could see the pain it gave him. When it was concluded, he pondered for a few moments; then desired Sidommy and his father to be summoned.

When they entered, T in a few words explained to the boy that his innocence was now manifest, and that the whole business had arisen out of an unfortunate mistake; and, as a recompense for his unmerited sufferings, he made him a present of a splendid European dress he had brought home for his eldest boy, who, though somewhat younger, was about the same size as the Malay.

Sidommy appeared delighted, and rushed from the room to clothe himself in his new garments. The father bowed low, and left the room without raising his eyes or uttering a syllable.

But a short interval had elapsed when the young page, with tears in his eyes, announced to his mistress that his father, on seeing him dressed, had instantly seized him and torn his clothes from his back, declaring that no finery, no European ornament, could ever cover the disgrace that had been inflicted on him, and that he had in his fury utterly destroyed the handsome jacket his son had just received as a present.

Twas naturally angry at this daring impertinence, and would have punished the kidmutgar, had not his wife strenuously dissuaded him from it, by pointing out that such feelings were only natural in a parent, and that only time could wipe them out. Nothing more was therefore said about it, and all went on as quietly as before.

About ten days after this incident a letter from Madras, announcing the expected arrival of T's sister at that city, made my friend determine to go and meet her. It was agreed that I was to accompany him, get my leave of absence renewed, and return with him to spend another month in his pleasant mansion.

The evening before we started the Malay kidmutgar came in, and begged as a favour that his son might be allowed to accompany us, urging his prayer with great force, and so beseechingly, that, although my friend at first objected to take him, he finally consented; and away we went in high spirits to meet a young lady whom Thad foretold would become my future wife.

On our arrival at Madras we were doomed to meet with disappointment. The young lady had changed her mind, and, instead of seeking a partner amongst the pagoda-laden Madrasees, had chosen to marry

a handsome young ensign in a marching regiment at home, who by dire necessity was compelled

'To live on his pay,

And spend half-a-crown out of sixpence a-day.'

We therefore hurried through the little business we had to transact, and joyfully set out again on our return, sending, however, a dawkcourier on before, that our arrival might be expected.

When we arrived at a small village about four miles from T―'s house, we were not a little surprised to find all his servants awaiting him. He naturally sought an explanation, when he found that they had all come there by desire of their mistress, who had received directions to this effect from their master. Twas not a little astonished at so strange a statement, as he well knew he had given no such orders, and demanded if Mrs. T herself had told them to come; but found that these commands had been conveyed to them through the Malay kidmutgar, who alone had remained behind.

I confess I looked upon it as a hoax or a curious mistake, at which I was inclined to smile. Not so my friend, who seemed agitated as it were by the presage of some coming evil, and hastened on.

As we approached the house, we saw every window and door closed. Neither his wife nor children seemed to welcome my friend, who jumped out of his palanquin, and ran forward like a madman. I followed him, and found him vainly endeavouring to burst open the verandah door. With my assistance he effected this; when, horrid to relate, the first object which met our view, and that of the affrighted Sidommy, was the body of the Malay, surrounded by a pool of blood, his throat cut from ear to ear, whilst in one hand he grasped the razor with which he had destroyed himself, and in the other the very scourge which had inflicted the stripes on his poor boy!

I can scarcely tell the rest. My feelings were far too painfully harrowed up to describe what we discovered in the next moment, the still warm bodies of my friend's adored wife and his three children, evidently murdered as they slept by the revengeful Malay, who, after washing out his dishonour as the falsely-reputed father of a thief in the blood of his master's family, had with the same instrument put an end to his own existence.

The wretched boy who had caused this dreadful deed, though innocent of all participation in the crime, was so horrified that he fled, never to return. T—, after a few weeks spent in the true mourning of the heart, -a mourning which turned his jet-black hair to grey within three days,-returned to Europe, where he still lives, a wretched

and heart-broken man.