We have known such a premature exhibition produce a fit of indigestion, not only in the person of the punster, but the victim at whom he has 'poked his fun.'

Puns and wax-candles shine the most brilliantly in the evening. After-dinner puns are peristaltic persuaders,' and should invariably be introduced after the nut-crackers.

As for any being bearing the semblance of humanity punning at a fish dinner at Blackwall, it is a wickedness, a malice prepense that would seem as inconceivable as improbable; and to thrust such a heartless mortal into the Thames to become live bait for whitebait, we should consider as justifiable homicide.

HIT THE SIXTH.

It is wonderful with what celerity a pun accidentally let slip from the lips of a person of notoriety in the circles of the aristocracy makes unto itself wings and flies abroad. The Morning Post calls it a bon mot, and frequently aids its circulation.

On the other hand, there are thousands whose sayings are never reported, and frequently limited to the circumscribed sphere in which they are destined to move.

'How many a flower is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air!'

Among the many whom it has been our good fortune to meet in society, our excellent friend B stands foremost in the rank of punsters.

Possessing a ready eloquence and a ready wit, he appears in the field always armed and prepared for these intellectual sham-fights.

Although our space will not allow us to describe the time and place and circumstance, which naturally form the frame of the picture, and set it off to so much advantage, we shall concisely report a few of his hits, as far as our memory will serve; at the same time we are quite conscious of the fact, that recording puns is like preserving fruits, which, it is true, retain their form, but lose both their colour and their flavour.

H— W— saying that he had been to pay a visit to H, the poet, and was sorry to find he was labouring under an asthma. That is a misfortune indeed for a poet,' said B. Why more particularly for a poet?' demanded H'Because,' said B-, gravely, his inspiration is thereby af fected.'

W

'He looks much younger without his hat,' observed Major M'Do you mean, then, to assert that he actually takes off his years (ears) with his hat?' asked B—.

Being at the representation of a melodrama of domestic interest,' he was asked his opinion of its merits.

Very like a whale, with a harpoon in it,' he replied,- all blubber and convulsions!'

At a splendid spread' at the Reform Club, where he was (in every

sense of the word) the entertainer, one of the company made a remark on the value of Shakspeare's works.

True; there is one line alone of Shakspeare's,' said Bdoubtedly worth two shillings.

"Tis true 'tis pity, and pity 'tis, 'tis true.'

'un

Now there are four 'tis's in it, and four tizzies, according to Cocker, amount to two shillings.'

Some one speaking of two brothers, one of whom was in poverty, and the other in the enjoyment of a considerable income, he said, ⚫ One is a fool, and the other a double fool.'

'Prove it,' said his antagonist.

Why, one is a weak, and the other a fort'nate young man,' replied B

HIT THE LAST.

The effect of a pun greatly depends upon the smartness of the delivery.

The word should issue from the lips like an arrow from a bow, or a spark from the collision of flint and steel.

A slow, methodical, drawling punster is an awful bore. We have suffered from the infliction of such an one, and had he whistled 'Roger de Coverly,' or any other quick and lively country-dance to a psalmtune or time, it would have been quite as edifying as the slow, dropby-drop filtration of his languid fun.

Punning before ladies is considered a-miss, and of quite an im proper character to be introduced into their society. The punster, therefore, has no chance of shining, unless he possesses a poetical turn, and can adroitly transform his quibbles into quaint similes and pretty comparisons, a metamorphosis which demands both talent and address.

In fine, punning (though unjustly calumniated as the lowest kind of wit) requires as much delicacy in the handling as an infant 'in the mouth,'-a downy-winged butterfly,-a stinging nettle, a razor, -or a lancet!

AN ENGLISH MASQUERADE.

BY ALBERT SMITH.

THERE are many dreary things in the world besides death, debtors' prisons, and theatres by daylight. Agenteel' dinner-party of rural aristocracy is amazingly slow, and so is a wet Sunday at Wor thing. The same pantomime seen half-a-dozen times has a dispirit ing effect; and certain dull debates in the House of Parliament incite the belief that the members' skulls are as somniferous and hollow as dried poppy-heads. The archives of Exeter Hall, doubtless, contain a very shady chronicle of not over lively events. Solitary men in new lodgings feel exquisitely cheerless; and the Red House at Battersea in the middle of January ceases to impart anything like hilarity to our feelings.

But the saddest concern of all,-the ghost of fun decked in the wornout trappings of happiness,-a gilt skeleton adorned with wreaths of artificial flowers,-a hearse hung round with illumination-lamps,—is a masquerade in England.

Whether it be that the open disposition of the national character unfits us for assuming the mask with becoming spirit, or whether in reality our wit is too ponderous to flash about these entertainments as it ought to do, we leave others to determine; but certain it is, that every successive attempt to establish a masquerade as one of our regular amusements, proves more and more how utterly incapable we are of entering into its humour, in respect to other European nations. And we affirm this advisedly; for we have had many opportunities of drawing the comparison. We have been deluded into the Tarantella at Naples by a pair of large black eyes, whose glances implied much more, even through the peep-holes of a mask, than those of a colder clime could express with the assistance of the whole face; and we have fallen quite as deeply in love with a round dimpled chin, short upper lip, and row of dazzling pearly teeth, shrouded by the black fringe of the vizor, as with the whole contour of some other lovely countenance; for your mask is a great auxiliary to female attractions. It heightens beauty by half concealing it, and vice versâ, it covers all defects. We have also,

'Some weeks before Shrove Tuesday comes about,'

lounged as a modern Greek, in the full blaze of day, at the cafés in the Piazza St. Marco at Venice; or haply toiled up the inclined planes of the Campanile, to shower chocolate bonbons from the summit upon the crowd below; and, though last, not least in our memory, we have, in our capacity of a student of the Quartier Latin, worn a debardeur's dress for a whole week together, and whirled and gallopaded to the music of Musard and Magnus in the salle of the Rue Vivienne, or the more boisterous assembly of the Prado, until the busy chiffoniers had been about some time before we wan dered back to our abode on a sixième in the Rue St. Jacques. Nay, even this conclusion to a night's revelry has been sometimes denied; for, with the candour of Rousseau, we admit that we have sometimes passed the night in the violon below the staircase of the Opera Comique, and appeared before the police the next morning in our glazed hat, blue shirt, and black velvet trowsers, to make what excuse we best might for having, under the very shadow of the garde municipale, with their tiger-skin helmets, given ourselves up un P'tit pas trop fort,' to the abandon of the dance, in defiance of the placard which informed us that our style was défendu par torités. Should you wish the scene brought pictorially before your eyes, we unhesitatingly refer you to the vivid sketches of our friend Gavarni.

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Strange to say, we had never seen a masquerade in England,principally, we believe, on account of the price of admission having been generally fixed at a sum which, if expended, would swamp all hopes of dinner for the next fortnight to a scribbler of the present day. We assisted,' (as they say abroad,) it is true, at the bal masqué given by Julien at Drury Lane; but this was a very dull affair, although hundreds had paid their guinea for admission,-an

expenditure which we confess to have avoided, now it is all past, by going as a mere spectator to the dress-circle, and jumping down into the arena, during a galoppe monstre, when the policeman in attendance had been violently carried off by sundry couples in the general whirl.

Curiosity to see how a masquerade would be conducted in England, and the present of a ticket, were the exciting causes of the visit we paid, a short time since, to Vauxhall. It was with much satisfaction we read an announcement that the gardens were to open once again. We had not quite forgotten the excitement of the first time we went there; we are afraid to say how long back, but it was at the time when Mother Town' dispensed coffee and rolls to the boys of Merchant Tailors' School, the constant use of which milkdiet did not prevent us on this event from getting slightly elevated, and performing an impromptu pas-de-deux with one of the red-coated waiters in front of the supper-box. We still think that, not being accustomed to them, it must have been the profusion of lamps which upset our stomach; for anatomy has since taught us the intimate connection between that organ and the eyes. Our friends hold a different opinion, and incline to the belief that it was the 'rack punch,'-a beverage well named indeed, if the state of the head the next day be taken into consideration.

We were much grieved when we were informed last year that Vauxhall was about to close for ever. We could not believe that any one would ever have the hardihood to take down or remove those gaudy emblems that had whilom so much bewildered us, the balloon going up with the flags and crowns; the stars, mottoes, and devices. The orchestra, too, was to be razed to the ground,—that illuminated pepper-box from which we had heard so many diverting songs, when the musicians played in all the glory of their cockedhats; and the gentleman in white kids, whom nobody knew, led forth the lady, whom everybody knew, to sing, in a grand black velvet hat adorned with feathers from a cock's tail turned downwards, and trimmed apparently with bits of black tobacco pipe, French-polished. And they coolly talked of building houses-common, uninteresting houses on the very ground that the rockets had gone up from, and occasionally come down again through the skylights of the neighbouring dwellings, bursting and shedding their coloured stars upon the staircases in a most diverting manner, and allowing the inhabitants a private exhibition to themselves. The whole speculation was wild and impossible. We are convinced, had the houses been built and taken on lease, that the immortal Simpson, angered at the profanation, would have come back from the shades, and called around him all the spirits who shed lustre over Vauxhall in former times, to aid him in perpetually ringing the bells, and making strange noises, after the fashion of haunted houses, upon the authorities of Glanville and Aubrey, until the dwellers therein gave warning and fled away, leaving the elevations to keep standing alone, or tumble down by degrees, as they best might.

Mais revenons à nos moutons, which, being an entirely novel phrase, never before made use of, we may as well explain to signify that we got a ticket for the masquerade, and intended to go. The choice of a costume for a time somewhat perplexed us; until, hav

ing inquired the price of hire, and inspected every dress in Nathan's wardrobes, from the habit of the field-officer at fifteen shillings, to the Albanian pirate at three guineas, we finally decided upon arraying ourselves as a gent. of the nineteenth century,' and therefore, when the eventful evening arrived, we arrayed ourselves in one of the fashionable five-and-twenty-shilling-union-workhouse Taglioni's, now so popular, and a long bright blue satin stock, worked with gold flies and forget-me-nots, which was fastened by a massy pin, representing a gilt lobworm twirling round a large white currant, connected by a small jack-chain to another jewel, which had the appearance of a bird's-egg set in a miniature-frame. We also turned up our wristbands over our cuffs, and wore our hat on one side; and, having received the complimentary assurance of an esteemed friend that we looked a thorough snob,' we set off towards our destination about half past eleven at night.

As we passed through Westminster some cabs rattled by, containing ladies and gentlemen, more or less disguised; but the first real evidence of the night's entertainment was presented at Vauxhall Bridge, where we saw a brigand in a magnificent dress of green baize, trimmed with pewter watches, calmly waiting at the tollhouse for five-penny worth of coppers in change. His companion -they were both walking-had assumed the dress of an English peasant, in a smock-frock and navigator's hat; and his appearance was much heightened by a large artificial nose, to which a pair of frizzly mustachios was attached. Their noble bearing did not appear to awe the toll-keeper in any way on the contrary, he betrayed little courtesy towards them, and returned a sullen grunt only to a joke from the robber, who requested 'he would bring out his scales, because he thought one of the half-pence was under weight.'

A large crowd had assembled at the doors of the gardens, who received each fresh costume with enthusiastic cheers, and many humorous allusions to the characters assumed. The quiet aspect of our own dress saved us from any of these salutations; and, passing through the cimmerian glimmer of the entrance, we emerged from its gloom into the scene of festivity. The majority of the company were viewing the fire-works then exhibiting; but as we had no great desire to see what we had so often witnessed before, and which always appeared the same, except that the squibs were sometimes fixed in the middle of the frames, and the wheels outside, instead of the inverse arrangement, we remained in the promenade, perfectly contented with hearing the distant sounds of admiration at the exploding rockets, which diverting practice has lived longer than any custom we can call to mind.

With the concluding bang of the last bouquet, the company returned to the illuminated portion of the gardens, and a motley tribe they appeared. There were certainly amongst them persons of rare and undoubted talent, who assumed the dress and manners of the lower classes with such exquisite truth, that you could hardly be lieve they had paid their half-guinea for admittance. Two young ladies, dressed as mountain sylphs, considerably enlivened the scene by the fay-like manner in which they occasionally put their feet on the shoulders of different individuals that passed; and a gentleman in an apron, with a long broom and a red nose, created nuch mirth by sweeping dust over everybody that came near him,