time I feel sure of a successful issue of this contest, for the gold of all the treasuries in the world will not purchase a single vote in the loyal and patriotic town of Swill-cum-Fuddle. No, my friends, for if there is one thing in the whole world on which I pride myself, it is the intimate knowledge I have acquired of your wishes and inclinations,and in that knowledge consists my consciousness of a power that is irresistible-a power that will carry me safely and securely through the stormy waves of a contested election, into the wished-for haven of success. Yes, from the many flattering promises I have received, and not the least flattering from the lips of the ladies of Swill-cum-Fuddle, than whom there are not fairer in the whole world, better mothers, or more virtuous wives, I confidently rely upon a majority of votes. Fellow townsmen! you know my principles,-you know that I entertain a rooted aversion to the pestilent (whatever the popular aversion may be), and everything else that is repugnant to the good sense and correct feeling of the loyal and independent electors of the good town of Swillcum-Fuddle. 'I am a bitter and unflinching opponent of (whatever they oppose), and a staunch and unyielding supporter of (whatever they support). 'Fellow townsmen, I will not longer detain you by a detail of what I intend to do in furtherance of your wishes, assuring you that mine are limited to the proud distinction of serving you, and most amply shall I be repaid in the success of my endeavours to promote your welfare, and protect your interests. 'Farewell,-poll early, and God bless you all!' SPOUT THE SIXTH. If, as is frequently the case, you should be greeted by yells and hisses, and not be able to get a word in edgeways, in the pursuit of parliamentary honours, do not waste your breath in attempting to make yourself heard, but repeat the following words at intervals, filling up,' with appropriate pantomime-Independent Electors of Incorruptible-Bribery and Corruption-Church and State-New Poor-law-Unions-Bastiles-Corn-law-Cheap Bread-Heartless Ministry-Loyalty-Youthful Queen-Reform-The Charter-Unbought Majority-Head of the Poll-Vote by Ballot-Distress of the Country-Extravagance-Civil List-Sinecures and PlacemenArmy and Navy-God save the Queen! The gentlemen of the press will be able (if acquainted with your politics,) to make a very happy speech out of these heads,'-and you will have the pleasure of reading what you did not say in the leading journal of the county on the following morning. NETLEY ABBEY. BY THOMAS INGOLDSBY, ESQ. Periérunt etiam Ruina. The very Ruins now are tiny. I saw thee, Netley, as the sun To thy roofless towers he gave; With its mantle of green, That wrapt thy walls around, And I felt 'twas holy ground. Then I thought of the ancient time-- When to Matin, and Vesper, and Compline chime, And thy courts and long-drawn aisles' among, And then a vision pass'd Across my mental eye;* And silver shrines, and shaven crowns, -But one, methought, wink'd at the Gardener-lad! Then came the Abbot, with mitre and ring, In clean linen stoles, Swinging their censers, and making a smellAnd see where the Choir-master walks in the rear, With front severe, And brow austere, Now and then pinching a little boy's ear, When he chants the responses too late, or too soon, Or his Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La's, not quite in tune, It was, in sooth, a comely sight, And I welcom'd the vision with pure delight. * In my mind's eye, Horatio!-HAMLET. But then 'a change came o'er' All ready to fix, And I said, 'Here's a Nun has been playing some tricks!— "I'm a Grave that gapes for a living prey! And my heart grew sick, and my brow grew sad- Alas! and alack!-'tis sad to think That Maiden's eye, which was made to wink, In this kind of way, Which was made to sip, Should here grow wither'd and dry as a chip! Well! I can't understand How any man's hand Could wall up that hole in a Christian land !— Would recoil from the work, And though, when his Ladies run after the fellows, he Its objects, I'm sure, would declare, could they speak, And sewed up in a sack, To be pitch'd neck-and-heels from a boat in the Bosphorus !" To think that the sex Should be treated no better than Combe's double X. About the middle of the last century a human skeleton was discovered in a recess in the wall among the ruins of Netley. On examination, the bones were pronounced to be those of a female. Teste James Harrison, a youthful but intelligent cab-driver of Southampton, who 'well remembers to have heard his grandmother say that "Somebody told her so."' Sure some one might run to the Abbess and tell her A much better method of stocking her cellar.' If ever on polluted walls Heav'n's red right arm in vengeance falls,— Lo, where it comes !-the tempest lours, Rides on the blast, and guides the storm; 'Down with the nests, and the rooks will fly!' Down! down they come-a fearful fall- Shaven crown, Bombazeen gown, Mitre, and Crozier, and all are flown! VOL. X. And yet, fair Netley, as I gaze They come like shadows, so depart'- Sublime in ruin!-grand in woe! Lone refuge of the owl and bat; No voice awakes thine echoes now! No sound-Good Gracious!-what was that? The parting groan Of her who died forlorn and alone, Embedded in mortar, and bricks, and stone?— On my listening ear It comes-again-near, and more near- I tread the floor, By Abbots and Abbesses trodden before, And what see I there?— In a rush-bottomed chair A hag, surrounded by crockery-ware, 27 Vending, in cups, to the credulous throng Are ogling, and smiling, and sipping Bohea. Some making tea, and some making love. Of that vile demi-flute, The detestable din Of that cracked violin, And the odours of 'Stout,' and tobacco, and gin! This, all things considered, is rather too gay! 'Why I really do think he's a little to blame, And an unbidden tear-drop stood in my eye, My vastly good man, as I scarcely doubt That some day or other you'll find him out, Or ride in your "shay," (As perhaps he may,) Be so good as to say That a Visitor, whom you drove over one day, Was exceedingly angry, and very much scandalized, Finding these beautiful ruins so Vandalized, And thus of their owner to speak began, As he ordered you home in haste, 'NO DOUBT HE'S A VERY RESPECTABLE MAN, BUT-I can't say much for his taste." T. I. * Adieu, Monsieur Gil Blas; je vous souhaite toutes sortes de prospérités, un peu plus de goût !-Gil Blas, avec |