miliation in a spirit of proper selfmortification. I ardently hope that they feel it to be a day of sackcloth and ashes; and indeed, if angels could be supposed to weep for members of Parliament, they might shed some tears for such misery. Why, in this age of universal literature, has nobody thought of skeleton speeches for sucking politicians? The parsons have got skeleton sermons, wherein they supply the "padding" themselves, and the blandest disciple of highand-dryism, or the sternest denouncer of mundane enjoyments, can fit himself in a moment. I am told, too, that since Bishop Colenso's defection, discourses can be had in which Joshua is treated pretty much like the author of Junius,' so that, in reality, no shade or tint of opinion need have to look far for an exponent. I wish some enterprising publisher would engage me in the task; and I bind myself to supply "the trade" on the most reasonable terms and the shortest notice. Mr Moses fits his clients in Yorkshire or the Land's End by a few general measurements-the width of the shoulders, the girth at the waistband, the length from the hips, &c. Now I promise, on equally brief information, to send off by the night-mail a true-blue address, a Whig "apostasy," or a Radical "rouser," done in a true, finished, and workmanlike manner. I remember a friend of mine, to whom Nature had not been gracious in muscular development, having once to perform a part in a private play where tight-fitting pantaloons were essential. He addressed himself to one of the minor theatres for counsel, and the costumer, to whom his case was referred, immediately called out, “Ah, sir, I see it at once; you want Mr Matthews's legs. Fetch them down, James." pair that support John BrightI'm his man. "P.S.-Any gentleman taught 'Bernal Osborne' in two lessons. Persons whose education has been neglected made perfect Roebucks' in one. A line, addressed Cornelius O'Dowd, to the care of his Publisher, will be immediately attended to. None treated with except principals; the strictest secrecy observed." I promise you, constituencies will benefit by the change. As a respectable tradesman, who wants to extend his custom, I'll not sell them any castoff wares, nor vamp up any stale Joe Millers. Never a word shall they hear from me about that strange beast, the Civis Romanus, of which the Zoological Garden has not even a specimen. I'll neither bully the French, nor flatter them. I only bargain for one plagiarism. If it be a Whig oration, I must wind up with a few words for "the glorious harvest." This, you will admit, is fair. The Whigs have ripened the wheat ever since the Reform Bill, and we ought to be grateful to them. Newspaper adulation, in a tone that must be ineffably offensive to the ears it was intended to charm, has invented the phrase the "Queen's Weather." Let me suggest the propriety of exchanging the term Harvest Moon" for the "Pam. Quarter;" so that, while we replenish our granaries, we should remember the Government. 66 The Conservatives have many faults they have done much they ought not to have done, and omitted some things they ought to have done; but in nothing have they erred so egregiously as in tolerating within their ranks these men of rotten allegiance. Nor was it mere toleration, but they have actually gone out of the way to conciliate them. This attempt to widen the base of a party by greater liberality, as it is called, is often very fatal. You may beat your guinea too thin. Now, if any country gentleman And who, I ask, were these people wants the Palmerston legs, or, more for whom you made these sacrifices ambitious still, the Gladstone-or-not only of opinion, but of conshould he ambition the sturdier science? Was there one really able man amongst them? The first Napoleon used to complain of what he called "les frondeurs" in the army of Italy, the fellows who were so beautifully candid that they always thought the enemy did everything better than themselves—not merely fought better, but fed their people better, doctored them better, and rewarded them better. To do him justice, he made very short work with such folk when he once got hold of them. We, on the contrary, caress and fondle them, we listen to their sentiments, and mould our own to their liking; and even when we see them cross over and join our adversaries, we are so magnificently generous, that we not only forgive the defection but actually exalt the deserters. Would Pitt have suffered this? would the Great Duke have endured it? Are the Whigs of our own day so Christian-like in forgiveness that they would make room on their benches for men who never rise but to vote against them? The cry of our day is, "There is no party;" but how can there be party, when the men who take no oath of allegiance to a leader are deemed as faithful as the sworn soldier who fights bravely to the death? There is no army if there be no discipline, and this is exactly what we see amongst the Conservatives. The rewards are not given to the valiant, nor are the renegades handed over to the provostmarshal. We have not outgrown party in England. To say we are too liberal, or too enlightened, for party, is to talk balderdash; but party has ceased to have its distinctive marks, because certain people have invented a uniform that enables them to fight with either army, and take pay from both! For, these hybrids I speak of take the bounty from us, and draw their pay from the enemy. What has brought this reproach that we hear every day, of a want of policy on the Conservative benches, but these men who bridge over party, and contrive to make the Opposition benches a sort of outpost of the Treasury? They have got up the cant, Pam is doing our work. Ay, but I answer, and he is taking the wages too. There is no such need as people say to make common cause against the Radicals. John Bright is a clever fellow enough, but neither he nor his following ought to frighten us for the future of the Constitution. Both the monarchy and the coal-fields have a good many years before them, and "the Great Tribulation Coming" will not proceed out of Manchester, nor will Richard Cobden be its Prophet. I am far more afraid of small defections than of great defeats, and I own I'll never believe in the discipline of party till the day comes that we hang a mutineer! Once for all, then, I say, no caresses, no flatteries for those men who are not true to you. No blandishments for those delicate followers who require to cross over from time to time to the Government benches for a little warmth and sunshine, as invalids go to Italy for climate. No converse with the political ventriloquists who sit on one side of the House and talk from the other. If these people get acceptance, once that they are unmasked and exposed, political honesty is but a sorry affair. Party, in its honourable signification, cannot exist where they prosper; and of the constituencies that return them, I say, as Chief Baron O'Grady did of the disreputable counsel of a worse client" May you never be separated." INDEX TO VOL. XCVI. Adelung, Johann Cristoph, 334. America, recent losses of the Romish Americans on the Continent, character- Anthologies, the early, 330. Armitage's Ahab and Jezebel, remarks Arnold, friendship between, and Whate- ART, by W. W. S., 240-state and pros- AUNT ANN'S GHOST STORY, 742. Aylmer's Field, Tennyson's, 564. Bank of England, the, 368. Banks of London, the, 371-their ope- Bank-brokers of London, the, 372. Biographical dictionaries, on, 343. Bistritza river, the, 39-the monastery Blainville on Aristotle, 154. Britannia training-ship, course of teach- Burton, Mr, painting by, 97. Butler, Mr, on the public school sys- Byzantine art, the early remains of, Calderon, P. H., painting by, 88. CENSURE, THE Vote of, 243. School, 452. Chambers, Ephraim, the Encyclopædia Chambers's Encyclopædia of Useful Charterhouse, fagging at the, 464-the Benjamin, Mr, Confederate Secretary of Chevalier, M., his work on Mexico, State, 650. 77 note, 81. Child-murder, frequency of, in Germany, 534. Christ, the early portraits of, 580 et seq. CITY OF GOLD, THE, 367. Civil service examination system, Cobden, Mr, on the vote of censure, Coleridge on Othello, 171-on Hamlet, Colet, John, the founder of St Paul's, Collier, Jeremy, the Dictionary of, Comte, his views of the dawn of CONFEDERATE STATES, A VISIT TO THE Confederate cavalry, the, 653. Constantinople, the Patriarch of, his Demi-monde, the, 287, Denmark, review of the conduct of Despotism, cheapness of government Dickens, the tales of, 187. Dictionary, the first, 326. Divorce, the new law of, in England, Drinking, prevalence of, in Germany, 522. Duelling, former prevalence of, and its Dumas on the Demi-monde, 287. EASTLAKE, LADY, THE HISTORY OF OUR Eating, excess of, in Germany, 519. Continent, the, comparative expense of EDUCATION AND TRAINING OF NAVAL living on, 601. Conversationists, Irish, 3. Cooke, E. W., Ruins of Roman Bridge Cooper, the animal paintings of, 95. Corbould, Mr, Morte d'Arthur by, 97. Cotton, variations in imports of, 498. Credit companies, the new, 376. Crime, comparison between, in Eng- Dedicated monasteries of Moldavia, the, OFFICERS, THE, 18*. Elizabeth, Queen, Kingsley's defence of, 293. Elmore, Mr, Excelsior by, 89. ENOCH ARDEN, 555. Ersch and Gruber, the Lexicon of, Etymologists, eccentricities of, 330. Exports, ratio of their increase, 495. Faed, Thos. and John, the works of, Fagging, at Harrow and Rugby, 236- system of, at Westminster, 458- Fergusson, Colonel, the Life of, 337. Fitzpatrick's Memoirs of Whately, re- Florence, former state of, 289, 291. Fripp, Mr, the paintings of, 97. Gambling for the million, 16-preval- Germany, conduct of, towards Denmark, Gettysburg, the battles of, 658 et seq. GOLD, THE CITY OF, 367. Goodall, F., Messenger at the Wells of Gordon, Sir John Watson, the portraits Grandmother, the, Tennyson's, 564. Grant, General, comparison between, Greek Church, recent gains of the, 73. Grumble, a, by Cornelius O'Dowd, 1. Hayllar, J., The Queen's Highway by, Hellbrun, the pleasure-grounds of, 724. Hessey, Dr, head-master of Merchant Hill, General A. P., 658. HISTORY OF OUR LORD, THE, 573. VOL. XCVI.-NO. DXC. HUGO, VICTOR, ON SHAKESPEARE, 164. Hybrid Conservatism, O'Dowd on, 767. Indexes, the early, 326-notices of, 328. Insurance offices of London, the, 371. Intoxicating Liquors Bill, the, 17. Irish viceroyalty, the, 603. Italian convention, O'Dowd on the, 590. Jackson, the pugilist, dietary of, 613. Jameson, Mrs, the works of, 575 et seq. Jeffrey and Talleyrand, anecdote of, Jensen, Mr, portraits by, 92. Jones, E. B., the paintings of, 98. Juarez, the overthrow of, in Mexico, Kafirs, curious custom of, as regards Kean, Charles, anecdote of, 279. Kippis's Biographica Britannica, 343. Lake scenery of the Tyrol, the, 725. LANGUAGE, MULLER'S LECTURES ON THE Law books, the indexes to, 329. Lawyers, pretensions of, 282. Lee, General, notices of, 657 et seq.- Leighton, Mr, the works of, 86-his 2 F |