A SHORT ACCOUNT OF MR. JOHN PAWSON. TO THE REV. JOHN WESLEY. REV. SIR,-I was born at Thorner, near Leeds, in Yorkshire, in the year 1737. My parents were reputable people, belonging to the Church of England; and though strangers to the life and power of religion, would not suffer me to run headlong into the vices of the age, but brought me up in the fear of God, and gave me, according to their ability, a good education. My father, being in the building business, brought me up in the same way: on which I entered in the fifteenth year of my age. At this time I was serious, and had no desire to follow the multitude to do evil. I attended the service of the Church constantly, and met in a small society of Church people, belonging to the high Church in Hull, where I lived with my brother-in-law. Whether these were acquainted with the power of religion I know not; as I was, at that time, an entire stranger to it myself; yet I did not doubt but all was well with me, and thought if I died I should certainly be happy with God. About the year 1755 I fell in company with two persons who talked much concerning the people called Methodists. I had then a hatred against them above all others, supposing them to be a weak and wicked people. I condemned them altogether; and had no desire either to hear them preach, or to read any of their writings. But from the account that one of them gave of his wife, who was a Methodist, I began to have a more favourable opinion of them; and thought I should be glad to hear them. Accordingly I went one evening with an intention to hear; but when I came to the door I was ashamed to go in, and so walked round the preaching house, and returned home. About the year 1756 I began to follow my business at Harewood-house, the seat of Edward Lascelles, Esq. Here I fell in with a company of very wicked young men; and though I was preserved from following them into gross sin, yet I was now a greater enemy to the Methodists than ever. But, about the year 1758, a young woman, who was a Methodist, lent my father two sermons, preached at the parish church in Leeds, by the late Rev. Henry Crooks, of Hunslet. He read them, and recommended them to me. In reading these I began to see that I was not in a state of salvation. I saw, first, that justification by faith was the doctrine of the Church of England; and, secondly, that the Scripture teaches it as necessary to salvation. I also saw that the Methodists were the people of God, and that they preached no other doctrine than that which I found even in my prayer book. I now began to spend my leisure hours in reading such books as treat on that subject; and was astonished that I could not see these things before. In the latter end of June I went to Otley to hear a Methodist preach, when I was more surprised than ever. The serious, devout behaviour of the people struck me with a kind of religious awe. The singing greatly delighted me, and the sermon was much blessed to my soul. They suffered me to stay in the society meeting, for which I had great cause to bless God. I returned home full of good resolutions; but little thought what trials were coming upon me. I thought certainly none who love me can be offended at my seeking the salvation of my soul: but I soon found my mistake; for those who had formerly been my greatest friends now became my open enemies. All my relations were exceedingly offended, and threatened me much if I would not leave this way. My uncle, in particular, who before promised to be kind to me, now resolved to leave me nothing; which resolution he made good. My father and mother were exceedingly troubled, supposing me to be totally ruined; and my brothers and sisters were of the same mind; my father threatened many times to turn me out of doors, and entirely to disown me; but the love he had for me (I being his eldest son) moved him to use every means he could think of to prevail on me to forsake this despised people, whom he hated above all others; he mourned to see me "run wilfully to my own ruin." My mother also frequently wept much on my account. This was indeed a time of great trial to me. My father's threatening to disinherit me did not trouble me at all; but the consideration of the danger their souls were in distressed me exceedingly. I therefore did not regard what I suffered, so my parents might be brought out of their Egyptian darkness. To this end, I bought the best books I could meet with; some of which my father read, but it seemed to no good purpose. About this time my brother was awakened, and also my younger sister's husband. My eldest sister and her husband likewise began to have a favourable opinion of this way. This made my father more severe with me, supposing I was the occasion of all this mischief. For the present he prevailed on my brother to hear this preaching no more. However, it was not long before he set out in the way of salvation. My father, when he saw he was so far from gaining ground, that he was continually losing it, grew exceeding uneasy, and knew not what course to take. However, he now entered upon a new scheme: he began to be mild and gentle, and to use soft words. He told me I might buy what books I pleased; only I must not go to hear the preaching. I might learn as much, if not more, by reading Mr. Wesley's writings, than by hearing the lay preachers. He said the Methodists being a people so universally hated, it would ruin my character to go among them. I now found it hard work to withstand my father's good nature. Accordingly, preaching being one Sabbath day near our house, I could not break through.When it was over I walked into the garden, and wept bitterly. From thence I went into a solitary place, where no one might see me, and bemoaned myself before the Lord. O, the anguish I then felt! I was scarcely able to look up. My father soon found me, and took me into the fields to see the grass and corn. But this could afford me no relief; he was greatly troubled on my account, supposing that I should run distracted. We returned home in time to attend the service of the Church: and in the evening, according to our custom, we read in our own house. When I had done reading, my father seemed to approve of what I read. I was glad, and began to speak to him in as mild a man ner as I could; but he was soon much offended, and said, "I find thou art now entirely ruined. I have used every means I can think of, but all to no purpose. I rejoiced at thy birth, and I once thought thou wast as hopeful a young man as any in this town; but now I shall have no more comfort in thee as long as I live. Thy mother and I are now grown old, and thou makest our lives quite miserable: thou wilt bring down our gray hairs with sorrow to the grave; thou intendest to make my house a preaching house, when once my head is laid; but I shall take care it shall never be thine. No; I will leave all I have to the poor of the parish, before the Methodists shall have any thing to do with it." : I was exceedingly affected while he spoke in this manner. He then desired me to promise I would hear this preaching no more. I told him (when I could speak for weeping) that if I could see a sufficient reason, I would make him that promise; but not till then. He replied, "Well, I see thou art quite stupid: I may as well say nothing the Methodists are the most bewitching people that ever lived; for when once a person hears them, it is impossible to persuade them to return back again." I then left him, and went to bed; but my trouble was very great. I was tempted to think I was disobedient to my parents; but I clearly saw that I must obey God rather than man; and that I must obey them only so far as was consistent with his will. My brother and I now began to take sweet counsel together: and we strove to oblige our parents with all our might; taking particular care that no business was, neglected on account of our going to hear the preaching. We frequently prayed together in our bedchamber, and several times my mother got up on the stairs to hearken; at last she desired to join in prayer with us. Afterward my father listened upon the stairs, and after some time he also desired to join with us. The minister of the parish now began to be apprehensive that he should lose my father, and with him the whole family. In order to prevent this, he carefully gathered all the false accusations he could hear of against the people, and brought them to my father. He laboured with all his might, both in public and private, to make them appear |
