Lands convey'd.

Above the rest our Britain held they dear, More solemnly they kept their Sabbaths here,

And made more spacious Rings, and revell'o half the Year.

I speak of ancient Times; for now the
Swain

Returning late may pass the Woods invain,
And never hope to see the nightly Train :
In vain the Dairy now with Mints is dress'd,
The Dairy-Maid expects no Fairy Guest, 20
To skim the Bowls and after pay the Feast.
She sighs, and shakes her empty Shoes in
vain,

No Silver Penny to reward her Pain:
For Priests with Pray'rs, and other godly
Geer,

Have made the merry Goblins disappear; And where they plaid their merry Pranks before,

Have Sprinkled Holy Water on the Floor: And Fry'rs that through the wealthy Regions run

Thick as the Motes, that twinkle in the Sun,

THE WIFE OF BATH'S TALE. Text from the original and only contemporary edition, 1700. 7 dance] Some editors wrongly give glance

Halls

30 And exorcise the Beds, and cross the Walls: This makes the Fairy Quires forsake the Place,

When once 'tis hallow'd with the Rites of Grace:

But in the Walks, where wicked Elves have been,

The Learning of the Parish now is seen, The Midnight Parson posting o'er the Green, With Gown tuck'd up to Wakes; for

Sunday next

There haunts not any Incubus, but He.
The Maids and Women need no Danger fear
To walk by Night, and Sanctity so near:
For by some Haycock or some shady Thorn
He bids his Beads both Even-song and Morn.
It so befel in this King Arthur's Reign,
A lusty Knight was pricking o'er the Plain;
A Bachelor he was,and of the courtly Train.
It happen'd as he rode, a Damsel gay
In Russet-Robes to Market took her way;
Soon on the Girl he cast an amorous Eye,
So strait she walk'd, and on her Pasterns
high:

49

If seeing her behind he lik'd her Pace,
Now turning short he better lik'd her Face.
He lights in hast, and, full of Youthful
Fire,

By Force accomplish'd his obscene Desire
This done away he rode, not unespy'd,
For swarming at his Back the Country
cry'd;

And once in view they never lost the Sight, But seiz'd, and pinion'd brought to Court the Knight. 60

Then Courts of Kings were held in high Renown,

E'er made the common Brothels of the Town;

There, Virgins honourable Vows receiv'd, But chast as Maids in Monasteries liv'd:

60 Court] court 1700.

Debate,

(Covering their Kindness with dissembled Hate ;)

80 If not to free him, to prolong his Fate. At last agreed, they call'd him by consent Before the Queen and Female Parliament. And the fair Speaker, rising from her Chair Did thus the Judgment of the House declare. Sir Knight, tho' I have ask'd thy Life, yet still

Thy Destiny depends upon my Will:

Nor hast thou other Surety than the Grace
Not due to thee from our offended Race.
But as our Kind is of a softer Mold, 90
And cannot Blood without a Sigh behold,
I grant thee Life; reserving still the
Pow'r

To take the Forfeit when I see my Hour;
Unless thy Answer to my next Demand
Shall set Thee free from our avenging
Hand;

The Question, whose Solution I require,
Is what the Sex of Women most desire?
In this Dispute thy Judges are at Strife;
Beware, for on thy Wit depends thy Life
Yet (lest surpriz'd, unknowing what to say,
Thou damn thy self) we give thee farther
Day:
IOI

A Year is thine to wander at thy Will:
And learn from others, if thou want'st the
Skill.

But, not to hold our Proffer [as] in Scorn, Good Sureties will we have for thy return; That at the time prefix'd thou shalt obey, And at thy Pledges Peril keep thy Day.

Woe was the Knight at this severe Command!

But well he knew 'twas bootless to withstand:

The Terms accepted as the Fair ordain, 110
He put in Bail for his return again;
And promis'd Answer at the Day assign'd,
The best, with Heav'n's Assistance, he could
find.

His Leave thus taken, on his Way he went
With heavy Heart, and full of Discontent,
Misdoubting much, and fearful of th' Event.
'Twas hard the Truth of such a Point to find,
As was not yet agreed among the Kind.
Thus on he went; still anxious more and
more,
Ask'd all he met;

and knock'd at ev'ry

120

Enquir'd of Men; but made his chief Request

To learn from Women what they lov'd the

best.

They answer'd each according to her Mind, To please her self, not all the Female Kind. One was for Wealth, another was for Place: Crones old and ugly, wish'd a better Face; The Widow's Wish was oftentimes to Wed; The wanton Maids were all for Sport a Bed. Some said the Sex were pleas'd with handsom Lies,

And some gross Flatt'ry lov'd without disguise:

130 Truth is, says one, he seldom fails to win Who Flatters well; for that's our darling Sin. But long Attendance, and a duteous Mind, Will work ev'n with the wisest of the Kind. One thought the Sexes prime Felicity Was from the Bonds of Wedlock to be free;

104 Proffer [as] in Scorn] Proffer in Scorn 1700. A word has dropt out in the printing. Warton gives proffer'd turn in scorn and is followed by little to recommend it. Christie gives proffer for Scott and Saintsbury, but the conjecture has in scorn, a reading which Saintsbury justly stigmatises as meaningless. The conjecture in the text is mine. The added word makes no word, though no editor seems to have noticed the appreciable difference in the sense, and the same fact, has dropt out in 543 below.

Their Pleasures, Hours, and Actions all their own,

And uncontroll'd to give Account to none. Some wish a Husband-Fool; but such are curst,

worst:

For Fools perverse, of Husbands are the 140 All Women wou'd be counted Chast and Wise,

Nor should our Spouses see, but with our Eyes;

For Fools will prate; and tho' they want the Wit

To find close Faults, yet open Blots will hit: Tho' better for their Ease to hold their Tongue,

For Womankind was never in the Wrong.
So Noise ensues, and Quarrels last for Life;
The Wife abhors the Fool, the Fool the Wife.
And some Men say, that great Delight
have we,

To be for Truth extoll'd, and Secrecy: 150
And constant in one Purpose still to dwell;
And not our Husband's Counsels to reveal.
But that's a Fable: for our Sex is frail,
Inventing rather than not tell a Tale.
Like leaky Sives no Secrets we can hold :
Witness the famous Tale that Ovid told.

Midas the King, as in his Book appears, By Phœbus was endow'd with Asses Ears, Which under his long Locks, he well conceal'd

159

(As Monarch's Vices must not be reveal'd), For fear the People have 'em in the Wind, Who long ago were neither Dumb nor Blind; Nor apt to think from Heav'n their Title springs,

Since Jove and Mars left off begetting Kings.
This Midas knew; and durst communicate
To none but to his Wife, his Ears of State;
One must be trusted, and he thought her fit,
As passing prudent; and a parlous Wit.
To this sagacious Confessor he went,
And told her what a Gift the Gods had sent;
But told it under Matrimonial Seal, 171
With strict Injunction never to reveal.
The Secret heard she plighted him her Troth,
(And sacred sure is every Woman's Oath)
The royal Malady should rest unknown
Both for her Husband's Honour and her

own!

But nevertheless she pin'd with Discontent; The Counsel rumbled till it found a vent.

The Thing she knew she was oblig'd to hide; By Int'rest and by Oath the Wife was ty'd; But if she told it not, the Woman dy'd. 181 Loath to betray a Husband and a Prince, But she must burst, or blab; and no pretence

Of Honour ty'd her Tongue from Selfdefence.

A marshy Ground commodiously was near, Thither she ran, and held her Breath for fear,

Lest if a Word she spoke of any Thing,
That Word might be the Secret of the King.
Thus full of Counsel to the Fen she went,
Grip'd all the way, and longing for a vent:
Arriv'd, by pure Necessity compell'd, 191
On her majestick mary-bones she kneel'd:
Then to the Waters-brink she laid her Head,
And, as a Bittour bumps within a Reed,
To thee alone, O Lake, she said, I tell
(And as thy Queen command thee to con-
ceal)

Beneath his Locks the King my Husband

wears

A goodly Royal pair of Asses Ears:
Now I have eas'd my Bosom of the Pain
Till the next longing Fit return again! 200
Thus through a Woman was the Secret
known;

Tell us, and in effect you tell the Town:
But to my Tale: The knight with heavy
Cheer,

Wandring in vain, had now consum'd the Year :

One Day was only left to solve the Doubt, Yet knew no more than when he first set out.

But home he must: And as th' Award had been,

Yield up his Body Captive to the Queen.
In this despairing State he hap'd to ride,
As Fortune led him, by a Forest-side: 210
Lonely the Vale, and full of Horror stood,
Brown with the shade of a religious Wood:
When full before him at the Noon of night,
(The Moon was up, and shot a gleamy Light)
He saw a Quire of Ladies in a round,
That featly footing seem'd to skim the
Ground:

Thus dancing Hand in Hand, so light they were,

He knew not where they trod, on Earth or Air,

More Words there needed not to move the Knight,

To take her Offer, and his Truth to plight. With that she spread her Mantle on the Ground,

And first enquiring whether he was bound, Bade him not fear, tho' long and rough the Way,

At Court he should arrive e'er break of Day His Horse should find the way without) a Guide.

She said: With Fury they began to ride, 260 He on the midst, the Beldam at his Side. The Horse, what Devil drove I cannot tell, But only this, they sped their Journey well: And all the way the Crone inform'd the Knight,

How he should answer the Demand aright. To Court they came: The News was quickly spread

Of his returning to redeem his Head.

Knight:

Perhaps good Counsel may your Grief

asswage,

Then tell your pain: For Wisdom is in Age. To this the Knight: Good Mother, wou'd you know

The secret Cause and Spring of all my Woe ?

My Life must with to Morrow's Light expire, Unless I tell, what Women most desire: 240 Now cou'd you help me at this hard Essay, Or for your inborn Goodness, or for Pay: Yours is my Life, redeem'd by your Advice, Ask what you please, and I will pay the

Price:

270

1

And bad the Cryer cite the Criminal. The Knight appear'd; and Silence they proclaim,

Then first the Culprit answer'd to his Name; And after Forms of. Laws, was last requir'd To name the Thing that Women most desir'd. Th' Offender, taught his Lesson by the

And Reverence made, accosted thus the Queen.

My Liege, said she, before the Court arise, May I poor Wretch find Favour in your Eyes, To grant my just Request: 'Twas I who taught

The Knight this Answer, and inspir'd his
Thought.

None but a Woman could a Man direct
To tell us Women, what we most affect.
But first I swore him on his Knightly Troth,
(And here demand performance of his
Oath)
300
To grant the Boon that next I should desire;
He gave his Faith, and I expect my Hire :
My Promise is fulfill'd: I sav'd his Life,
And claim his Debt, to take me for his Wife.
The Knight was ask'd, nor cou'd his Oath
deny,

But hop'd they would not force him to comply.

The Women, who would rather wrest the Laws,

Than let a Sister-Plaintiff lose the Cause, (As Judges on the Bench more gracious are, And more attent to Brothers of the Bar) 310 Cry'd, one and all, the Suppliant should have Right,

And to the Grandame-Hag adjudg'd the Knight.

In vain he sigh'd, and oft with Tears desir'd

Some reasonable Sute might be requir'd. But still the Crone was constant to her Note; The more he spoke, the more she stretch'd her Throat.

In vain he proffer'd all his Goods, to save His Body, destin'd to that living Grave. The liquorish Hag rejects the Pelf with

340

And little Courage had to make his Court. To Bed they went, the Bridegroom and the Bride:

Was never such an ill-pair'd Couple ty’d. Restless he toss'd, and tumbled to and fro, And rowl'd, and wriggled further off; for Woe.

The good old Wife lay smiling by his Side, And caught him in her quiv'ring Arms, and cry'd,

When you my ravish'd Predecessor saw, You were not then become this Man of Straw;

Had you been such, you might have scap'd the Law.

350

Is this the Custom of King Arthur's Court?
Are all Round-Table Knights of such a sort?
Remember I am she who sav'd your Life,
Your loving, lawful, and complying Wife :
Not thus you swore in your unhappy Hour,
Nor I for this return employ'd my Pow'r.
In time of Need I was your faithful Friend;
Nor did I since, nor ever will offend.
Believe me, my lov'd Lord, 'tis much un-
kind;

What Fury has possessed your alter'd
Mind?

360 Thus on my Wedding-night-Without Pre

tence

Come, turn this way, or tell me my Offence.