1 394 TO THE POET'S MISTRESS, WITH A NOSEGAY. before felt a strong inclination for visiting London, now saw no necessity, as London was evidently visiting them. The plan of amusements formerly in vogue was completely abolished: amongst other improvements, whist was substituted for Pope Joan. The hour of meeting was changed from five to seven, and to complete all, a dancing master was actually invited from a neighbouring town, as master of the ceremonies for a subscription assembly, which Miss Jones had undertaken to patronise. Miss Baker was determined not to give up the contest without a struggle; her plans were much assisted by her father's foreman, who had lived the best part of his life in London, and seen a great deal of genteel society. As Miss Jones had constituted a dancing assembly, Miss Baker determined to set up a concert room.-She had latterly become very musical, in consequence of her father purchasing a spinett, as a great bargain. The parish clerk, who played on the organ, giving her lessons, not only on the instrument, but also in singing, in which accomplishment it was thought he came up to perfection itself. The votaries of Thalia practised their orgies at a barn, decorated under Miss Jones's superintendence, while the music-meeting flourished in the large room of the village inn. The latter had already a very formidable band; for in addition to the spinnett, a clarionet, a bassoon, two pipes, and a pitch-pipe, were added to its number; not to say any thing of the bugle of the coachman, who occasionally indulged the Sons of Harmony, as the society was named, with a solo. But the introduction of refinement unfortunately did not produce harmony; but ill-will and dissension abounded as much as ever. As the rivals increased in power, enmity grew stronger. Their follies, which had at first aroused, now disgusted me; I therefore was glad to bid adieu to Swith all its beauties and all its improvements, in search of some other retired nook, where neither London nor fashion had ever been heard of, and where happiness and simplicity still remain undisturbed. But this I do not expect to discover, until I find that Utopia or Arcadia, is really a "local habitation, and not a name." TO THE POET'S MISTRESS, WITH A NOSEGAY. Go, happy flower, and touch the beauteous hand Go, but when every fibre she has fired, Gives eyes to blindness, makes the tongueless speak,- The fire of feeling, and the force of love. EDGAR. STANZAS ON VISITING THE GRAVE OF CHARLES GOUGH, Who perished on the Mountain of Helvellyn in the Spring of 1805 THY fall on the rocks of Helvellyn, lost stranger, But mute has the harp been for thee, mountain ranger, By mountains surrounded and wild rocks of station, But now, midst solemnity, silence, and beauty, No sepulchre nigh thee, nor emblem of splendour, I wander'd alone midst these scenes-full of feeling- Where strawberries sweet thro' the verdure were stealing, How lovely they bloom'd-whilst the winds bore their treasure, * A terrier bitch, his constant companion. PHILETUS. CUTTING IN GENERAL, AND THE CUT FUGACIOUS IN PARTICULAR. "CUTTING!"-exclaims the fair country novice, in expecting accents, as she turns her expanding eye upon the ambiguous looking word," Cutting!" and flitting Fancy rapidly embodies, from her store of wondrous images, some vision of terrific import; stray heads, and gaping throats,-carved limbs, and dissevered bodies,sabres, guillotines, and razors,-rise up in mangled and mangling array before the terror-brooding imagination! or if these are too sublimely horrid; if the unromantic ponderings of my fair readers summon not such grisly horrors to the view, for them, perhaps, inventive fancy scours the range of grosser thought; goodly barons of beef, ready spitted ducklings, or pastry's tempting forms, mock the vainly kindling eye!Alas! one "long, lingering look" upon the all-disclosing type, and the quaintly whistling spectres "melt in thin air away"-for neither heads, nor throats, nor bodies, nor goodly beef, nor roasted ducks of fragrant smell,-no-not even pastry's fragile charms, are doomed to such unfeeling, Sheffield-ware martyrdom, as the phrase at first sight implies: no blood is to be spilt-no larder to be invaded:-for in fact, "Cutting" applies only, at present, to the art of decently avoiding, and here displays itself merely as the offspring of a conveniently forgetful memory. For example has a quondam friend become poor and needy—at least, outwardly so,—it is ten chances to one, but by half of those, who once professed a friendship towards him, he is immediately cut. Does a fiftieth cousin, or an impoverished relation, appear unbidden to claim the friendship and assistance of their kindred blood; it is still more certain, that both will be immediately cut:'-and in the same manner, gentle reader, should an ac quaintance of yesterday thrust his unwelcome salutation upon your unwil ling notice-should your tailor, your boot-maker, or any other of your well-known 'evil eyed' duns and bores, presume to shew any symptoms of recognition in the open street; it is a most expedient, necessary, and proper thing, that they should "each, all, and every of them" be cut,'-unseen, -avoided,—unremembered! There is no art, perhaps, in fashionable life, which comprehends more of the "utile et dulce" in its practice, than the present one. So necessary, so essential a part does it form in the polite education of the fashionable man, and so extremely gratifying does it prove to the feelings, when habit has rendered the slight exertion attendant upon its practice, perfectly easy and natural To display a proficiency in the acquirement upon a few of the self-styled friends, one meets with almost every day, becomes a positive pleasure; and to be enabled to pass by unknowing, as unknown," like oil over water, all such presumptuous claimants upon your friendly knowledge, as you may wish to keep at a most respectful distance, is really delightful! Unless, however, a perfectly degagée air, an easy, unconstrained step, and a look, expressive of the most vacant unknowingness, can be assumed at command,-free from the slightest appearance of embarrassment-it is both useless and impudent to attempt the thorough cut' upon any but very recent acquaintances. It is my unhappy lot, gentle reader, to be one of those unfortunate beings, upon whom nature has too kindly bestowed a more than ordinary share of sheepishness; and yet. I have absolutely attempted to 'cut!'-Ï, who could as soon look at the sun at mid-day with unwatered eyes, as assume a pretended gaze of unknowingness upon the face of any friend I might meet, 66 6 T without betraying some recognition of him!--And here let me warn all aspiring geniuses, never to begin their career in the art with the cut fugacious; it is the worst, the most slovenly, and the most ungenteel-(though still the most certain in effect,) of any one of the varied methods in daily use: too well do I remember, when I first attempted to avoid people unintentionally, to what vast trouble and danger my legs and shins were constantly exposed; for in the innocence and maiden simplicity of my heart, whenever I perceived any one whom I chanced to thoroughly detest, at a distance, I invariably took to my heels; this was (as I before said), the most certain method, though a very inconvenient one, of escaping the approaching nuisance:-but then, my ardour to avoid, generally concentrated itself so much in my heels, that I was not unfrequently obliged to take desperate jumps over sundry apple stalls, and wondering little children, which would other wise, in the hurry of my proceedings, certainly either have greatly im peded me, or have been utterly demolished. Once, for instance, I was walking down Holborn-hill, on a filthy wet day, literally treading upon that compounded batter for which London is so celebrated in the days of St. Swithin, when uplifting my hitherto downcast organs of vision, I" was aware” of a bag-wigged, antiquated acquaintance, advancing full swing down the opposite side of the street,-Cloxcina be praised!-too much occupied with picking his way, to think of picking up passing friends; and this man, patient reader, had an invariable trick of catching one by the button, and catechising for an hour; and as at one time, I was sure to meet him at least twice a day, by so often suffering from his constantly recurring habit, I at last entertained a thorough horror of the creature,and, oh! far worse! my best blue coat fell a victim to his "auri sacra fumes;" for the poor buttons, thus unceasingly tormented, one after another gradually drooped: before his cormorant gripe, till at length, all hung their heads in silent, unavailing melancholy! the poor coat complained not, "but let concealment like a worm i' the bud, feed on her damaged cheek," when, one fatal day, two of the best injured of her golden-haired children, fell from her distracted bosom, and were instantaneously crushed beneath a passing dray :-then, then-alas! "great Cæsar fell!" the impoverished elbows, from such repeated shocks, quickly became broken-hearted; the forlorn button-holes broke from the no longer strict confinement of their silken bands; and the poor coat, thus deprived of all but a threadbare existence, slowly drooped, languished,-looked to her long forgotten clothes-horse, and expired of a consumption! Had I not, then, ample cause for detesting this pitiless murderer: of inoffending innocence, beside his being garrulous beyond measure?-I bolted-I ran-I fled, down Holborn's slippery sides, regardless of all but being seized, and buttoned in the fangs of this atrocious monster!-In a luckless moment, impelled by "sovereign curiosity," I turned my head ;A whirl-a shoot-and houses, streets, Snow-hill, and Fleet-ditch, in blended confusion, danced before my bewildered senses, and the next instant, my caput, propelled with the velocity of a cannon ball, in its battering passage through the singing air, flew, like the Roman Aries, full upon the pillowing paunch of an interposing Alderman; and so soon as its wandering intellects resumed their partial sway, I found myself glowing with heat, with one leg and an arm reclining in contiguous oyster tubs, whilst the remainder of my half smoking body, lay stretched "in slow length along" a bed of empty shells!-There, then, was a climax with a vengeance! And lucky indeed was it for the poor woman who owned the property I had so unceremoniously invaded, that only such inferior parts of my heated corporation had deposited amongst her living shell fish; had it been otherwise, the poor oysters would certainly have met with an untimely end-and the majority of the old lady's customers might not have preferred their fish boiled. Thus ended my first essay in the sublime art of Cutting; would to “Brummagem” it had been my last, for I never can bring myself to face the foe in a proper manner; running is my only resource, and running generally brings me into more scrapes and troubles than I am flying to avoid. Oh! I could tell you, gentlest reader, of the many "hair breadth 'scapes" I have had, from ducking under horses' heads,-of " antres vast,” in the shape of cellar entrances, that yawned to receive me, and of sundry other dismal checks upon my dismal plans. How I run one day from a pestiferous piece of would-be friendship, and fairly knocked as much good flour from the snowy vestments of a baker's boy, as might have been converted into a substantial penny roll-"for the good of the poor :"-and how, after that, resuming my fugitive course, I encountered, full-oh! horror of horrors! -a Newgate mutton-carrier, in a red cotton cap, and sheep's carcase to match; and how, on reaching home, I extracted from my vari-coloured coat, a sufficiency of patent pomatum to last me for the remainder of the week!-1 could tell you, too, how in rainy weather I have fled some approaching nuisance,-ducked, dived, leaped,—and finally deposited myself safely and snugly in some sequestered alley, free from the bustling of carriages and the jostling of pedestrians, to take refuge from the rain, where no eye could detect me, and no descending shower invade me :where, in short, pity me, ye gentle hearted! I have found the very man I had all along so assiduously avoided, already conveniently entrenched, and admirably disposed for a friendly tete-a-tete !—But I will spare you the description,- -"Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof."-Take warning from this, ye who have hitherto so patiently sympathized in my distresses, and constantly remember to avoid the cut fugacious: and with respect to this same art of cutting, the use whereof is so beneficial and pleasing, you may safely continue in practice thereof until such time as the Government shall think fit to tax it as a luxury too great to be enjoyed without paying for, till the same all-directing body shall be pleased, in its refined feelings of justice, to annex it by a clause to Lord Ellenborough's act, as a new branch of ". wilful cutting ;”—then alas! must the act fall to the ground; and then also will be rendered utterly unavailing the friendly admonitions of PHILO-TOMOS. GENOA. IN the arsenal of the palace at Genoa, are some light cuirasses, made purposely for some Genoese ladies, who intended to join a crusade against the infidels. These female warriors, were at length persuaded to give up their designs, by Pope Boniface the Eighth, who himself wrote a letter for that purpose,, GIACOMO. |