THE TATLER.

No. 25.]

[No. 25.

Tuesday, June 7, 1709.

Quicquid agunt homines

nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

White's Chocolate-house, June 6.

P.

set out for Paris on Sunday morning. The same day the foreign ministers met a committee of the states-general, where monsieur Van Hessen opened the business upon which they were assembled, and in a very warm discourse, laid before them the conduct of France in the late negotiations, representing the abject manner in which she had laid open her own distresses, that reduced her to a compliance with the demands of all the allies, and her meanness in most passionate terms, wherein she laments the A letter from a young lady, written in the receding from those points to which monsieur misfortune of a gentleman, her lover, who was Torcy had consented. The respective ministers lately wounded in a duel, has turned my thoughts of each potentate of the alliance severally ex-to that subject, and inclined me to examine into pressed their resentment of the faithless behaviour of the French, and gave each other mutual assurances of the constancy and resolution of their principals, to proceed with the utmost vigour against the common enemy. His grace the duke of Marlborough set out from the Hague on the afternoon of the ninth, and lay that night at Rotterdam, from whence, at four the next morning, he proceeded towards Antwerp, with a design to reach Ghent the next day. All the troops in the Low Countries are in motion towards the general rendezvous between the Scheld and the Lis; the whole army will be formed on the twelfth instant; and it is said, that on the fourteenth, they will advance towards the enemy's country. In the mean time the marshal de Villars has assembled the French forces between Lens, La Bassee, and Douay.

Yesterday morning sir John Norris, with the squadron under his command, sailed from the Downs for Holland.'

From my own Apartment, June 3.

I have the honour of the following letter from a gentleman whom I receive into my family, and order the heralds at arms to enroll him ac-I cordingly.

MR. BICKERSTAFF,-Though you have excluded me the honour of your family, yet I have ventured to correspond with the same great persons as yourself, and have wrote this post to the king of France; though I am in a manner unknown in his country, and have not been seen there these many months:

TO LEWIS LE GRAND.

"Though in your country I'm unknown,
Yet, sir, I must advise you :

Of late so poor and mean you're grown,
That all the world despise you.

Here vermin eat your majesty,
There meagre subjects stand unfed:
What surer signs of poverty,

Than many lice and little bread?

Then, sir, the present minute choose,
Our armies are advanced:
Those terms you at the Hague refuse,
At Paris won't be granted.

Consider this, and Dunkirk raze,

And Anna's title own;

Send one pretender out to graze,
And call the other home.

'Your humble servant,

the causes which precipitate men into so fatal a folly. And as it has been proposed to treat of subjects of gallantry in the article from hence, and no one point in nature is more proper to be considered by the company who frequent this place than that of duels, it is worth our consid eration to examine into this chimerical groundless humour, and to lay every other thought aside, until we have stripped it of all its false pretences to credit and reputation amongst men.

am going about, and run over in my imagination But I must confess, when I consider what I all the endless crowd of men of honour who will be offended at such a discourse; I am undertaking, methinks, a work worthy an invulnerable hero in romance, rather than a private gen. tleman with a single rapier: but as I am pretty nature of man, and know of a truth that all men well acquainted by great opportunities with the fight against their will, the danger vanishes, and resolution rises upon this subject. For this reason, I shall talk very freely on a custom which all men wish exploded, though no man has courage enough to resist it.

fear will extremely perplex my dissertation, and But there is one unintelligible word, which I confess to you I find very hard to explain, which is the term 'satisfaction.' An honest into company with two or three modern men of country gentleman had the misfortune to fall honour, where he happened to be very ill-treated; and one of the company, being conscious of his offence, sends a note to him in the morning, and tells him, he was ready to give him satisfaction.

This is fine doing,' says the plain fellow; ‘last night he sent me away cursedly out of humour, and this morning he fancies it would be a satis faction to be run through the body.'

As the matter at present stands, it is not to do handsome actions denominates a man of honour; it is enough if he dares to defend ill ones. Thus you often see a common sharper in competition with a gentleman of the first rank; though all mankind is convinced, that a fighting gamester is only a pick-pocket with the courage of a highwayman. One cannot with any patience reflect on the unaccountable jumble of persons and things in this town and nation, which occasions very frequently, that a brave man falls by a hand below that of a common hangman, and yet his executioner escapes the clutches of the hangman for doing it. I shall therefore hereafter consider, how the bravest men in other ages and nations have behaved themselves upon such incidents as we decide by

BREAD THE STAFF OF LIFE.' combat; and show, from their practice, that this

plaguy sour at me. His son soon after sent up a paper of verses, forsooth, in print, on the last public occasion; upon which, he is convinced the boy has parts, and a lad of spirit is not to be too much cramped in his maintenance, lest he take ill courses. Neither father nor son can ever since endure the sight of me.

resentment neither has its foundation from true | rage him to further trespasses.' He looked reason or solid fame; but is an imposture, made of cowardice, falsehood, and want of understanding. For this work, a good history of quarrels would be very edifying to the public, and I apply myself to the town for particulars and circumstances within their knowledge, which may serve to embellish the dissertation with proper cuts. Most of the quarrels I have ever known, have proceeded from some valiant coxcomb's persisting in the wrong, to defend some prevailing folly, and preserve himself from the ingenuousness of owning a mistake.

By this means it is called giving a man satisfaction,' to urge your offence against him with your sword; which puts me in mind of Peter's order to the keeper, in The Tale of a Tub: if you neglect to do all this, damn you and your generation for ever: and so we bid you heartily farewell.' If the contradiction in the very terms of one of our challenges were as well explained and turned into downright English, would it not run after this manner?

SIR:-Your extraordinary behaviour last night, and the liberty you were pleased to take with me, makes me this morning give you this, to tell you, because you are an ill-bred puppy, I will meet you in Hyde-park an hour hence; and because you want both breeding and humanity, I desire you would come with a pistol in your hand, on horseback, and endeavour to shoot me through the head, to teach you more manners. If you fail of doing me this pleasure, I shall say, you are a rascal, on every post in town: and so, sir, if you will not injure me more, I shall never forgive what you have done already. Pray, sir, do not fail of getting every thing ready; and you will infinitely oblige, sir, your most obedient humble servant, &c."

From my own Apartment, June 6.

Among the many employments I am necessarily put upon by my friends, that of giving advice is the most unwelcome to me; and, indeed I am forced to use a little art in the manner; for some people will ask counsel of you, when they have already acted what they tell you is still under deliberation. I had almost lost a very good friend the other day, who came to know how I liked his design to marry such a lady? I answered, By no means; and I must be positive against it, for very solid reasons, which are not proper to be communicated.' Not proper to be communicated!' said he, with a grave air, I will know the bottom of this.' I saw him moved, and knew from thence he was already determined; therefore evaded it by saying, 'To tell you the truth, dear Frank, of all the women living I would have her myself." Isaac,' said he thou art too late, for we have been both one these two months.'

These sort of people ask opinions only out of the fulness of their heart on the subject of their perplexity, and not from a desire of information.

There is nothing so easy as to find out which opinion the man in doubt has a mind to; therefore the sure way is, to tell him that is certainly to be chosen. Then you are to be very clear and positive; leave no handle for scruple. Bless me! sir, there is no room for a question! This rivets you into his heart; for you at once applaud his wisdom, and gratify his inclination. However, I had too much bowels to be insincere to a man who came yesterday to know of me, with which of two eminent men in the city he should place his son? their names are Paulo and Avaro. This gave me much debate with myself, because not only the fortune of the youth, but his virtue also dependeth upon this choice. The men are equally wealthy; but they differ in the use and application of their riches, which you immediately see upon entering their doors.

The habitation of Paulo has at once the air of a nobleman and a merchant. You see the servants act with affection to their master, and satisfaction in themselves: the master meets you with an open countenance, full of benevolence and integrity: your business is despatched with that confidence and welcome which always accompany honest minds: his table is the image of plenty and generosity, supported by justice and frugality. After we had dined here, our affair was to visit Avaro: out comes an awkward fellow, with a careful countenance; 'Sir, would you speak with my master? may I crave your name?' After the first preamble, he leads us into a noble solitude, a great house that seemed uninhabited; but from the end of the spacious hall moves towards us Avaro, with a suspicious aspect, as if he had believed us thieves; and, as for my part, I approached him as if I knew him a cut-purse. We fell into discourse of his noble dwelling, and the great estate all the world knew he had to enjoy in it: and I, to plague him, began to commend Paulo's way of living. Paulo,' answered Avaro, 'is a very good man; but we, who have smaller estates, must cut our coat according to our cloth.'

Nay,' says I, 'every man knows his own circumstances best; you are in the right, if you have not wherewithal.' He looked very sour; for it is, you must know, the utmost vanity of a mean-spirited rich man to be contradicted when he calls himself poor. But I resolved to vex him, by consenting to all he said; the main design of which was, that he would have us find out, I learned this caution by a gentleman's con- he was one of the wealthiest men in London, sulting me formerly about his son. He railed and lived like a beggar. We left him, and took at his damned extravagance, and told me, 'in a a turn on the Exchange. My friend was ra very little time he would beggar him by the vished with Avaro: 'this,' said he, is certainly exorbitant bills which came from Oxford every a sure man.' I contradicted him with much quarter.''Make the rogue bite upon the bridle,' warmth, and summed up their different characsaid I; 'pay none of his bills; it will but encou-ters as well as I could. This Paulo,' said I,

have their signs and tokens like free-masons: they rail at woman-kind; receive visits on their beds in gowns, and do a thousand other unintelligible prettinesses that I cannot tell what to make of. I therefore heartily desire you would exclude all this sort of animals.

'There is another matter I foresee an ill consequence from, that may be timely prevented by prudence; which is, that for the last fortnight, prodigious shoals of volunteers have gone over to bully the French, upon hearing the peace was just signing; and this is so true, that I can assure you, all engrossing work about the Temple is risen above three shillings in the pound for want of hands. Now as it is possible some little alteration of affairs may have broken their measures, and that they will post back again, I am under the last apprehension, that these will, at their return, all set up for Pretty Fellows,' and thereby confound all merit and service, and impose on us some new alteration in our nightcap, wigs, and pockets, unless you can provide a particular class for them. I cannot apply myself better than to you, and I am sure I speak the mind of a very great number, as deserving as myself.'

is, that all men of sense are preferred, banished, or imprisoned. He has indeed a sort of justice in him, like that of the gamesters; for if a stander-by sees one at play cheat, he has a right to come in for shares, as knowing the mysteries of the game.*

This is a very wise and just maxim; and if I have not left at Mr. Morphew's, directed to me, bank bills for two hundred pounds, on or before this day seven-night, I shall tell how Tom Cash got his estate. I expect three hundred pounds of Mr. Soilett, for concealing all the money he has lent to himself, and his landed friend bound with him at thirty per cent. at his scrivener's. Absolute princes make people pay what they please in deference to their power: I do not know why I should not do the same, out of fear or respect to my knowledge. I always preserve decorums and civilities to the fair sex therefore, if a certain lady, who left her coach at the New-exchange door in the Strand, and whipt down Durham-yard into a boat with a young gentleman for Vauxhall ;† I say, if she will send me word, that I may give the fan which she dropped, and I found, to my sister Jenny, there shall be no more said of it. I expect hushThe pretensions of this correspondent are money to be regularly sent for every folly or worthy a particular distinction; he cannot in-vice any one commits in this whole town; and deed be admitted as Pretty,' but is what we hope, I may pretend to deserve it better than a more justly call a 'Smart Fellow.' Never to pay chambermaid or a valet de chambre; they only at the play-house is an act of frugality that lets whisper it to the little set of their companions; you into his character; and his expedient in but I can tell it to all men living, or who are to sending his children begging before they can go, live. Therefore I desire all my readers to pay are characteristical instances that he belongs to their fines, or mend their lives. this class. I never saw the gentleman; but I know by his letter, he hangs his cane to his button; and by some lines of it he should wear red-heeled shoes;, which are essential parts of the habit belonging to the order of 'Smart Fellows.'

My familiar is returned with the following letter from the French king.

'Versailles, June 13, 1709.

'Lewis XIV, to Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. 'SIR,—I have your epistle, and must take the liberty to say, that there has been a time, when there were generous spirits in Great Britain, who would not have suffered my name to be treated with the familiarity you think fit to use. I thought liberal men would not be such time-servers, as to fall upon a man because his friends are not in power. But, having some concern for what you may transmit to posterity concerning me, I am willing to keep terms with you, and make a request to you, which is, that you would give my service to the nineteenth century (if ever you or yours reach them,) and tell them, that I have settled all matters between them and me by monsieur Boileau. I should be glad to see you here.'

White's Coffee-house, May 27.

My familiar being come from France, with an answer to my letter to Lewis of that kingdom, instead of going on in a discourse of what he had seen in that court, he put on the immediate concern of a guardian, and fell to inquiring into my thoughts and adventures since his journey. As short as his stay had been, I confessed I had had many occasions for his ashim my thoughts of putting all my force against sistance in my conduct; but communicated to the horrid and senseless custom of duels. If it were possible,' said he, to laugh at things in themselves so deeply tragical as the impertinent profusion of human life, I think I could divert when the philosopher threw me, as I told you you with a figure I saw just after my death, some days ago, into the pail of water.

'You are to know that, when men leave the

body, there are receptacles for them as soon as they depart, according to the manner in which they lived and died. At the very instant I was had lost its body in a duel. We were both exkilled, there came away with me a spirit which amined. Me the whole assembly looked at with an air of welcome and consolation: they prokindness and pity, but, at the same time, with nounced me very happy, who had died in innocence; and told me, a quite different place

แ

It is very odd, this prince should offer to invite me into his dominions, or believe I should accept the invitation. No, no, I remember too well how he served an ingenious gentleman, a friend of mine, whom he locked up in the Bas. tile for no reason in the world, but because he *Sir John Vanburgh, who was once confined in the was a wit, and feared he might mention himing called a Wit, seems to countenance the idea. Bastile, is probably the person here alluded to. His bewith justice in some of his writings. His way This, in the original edition, is Foxhall.

was allotted for my companion; there being a great distance from the mansions of fools and innocents though, at the same time, said one of the ghosts, there is a great affinity between an idiot who has been so for a long life, and a child who departs before maturity. But this gentleman who has arrived with you, is a fool of his own making, is ignorant out of choice, and will fare accordingly.' The assembly began to flock about him, and one said to him, 'Sir, I observed you came in through the gate of persons murdered, and I desire to know what brought you to your untimely end?' He said, 'he had been a second.' Socrates, who may be said to have been murdered by the commonwealth of Athens, stood by and began to draw near him, in order, after his manner, to lead him into a sense of his error by concessions in his own discourse. 'Sir,' said that divine and amicable spirit, what was the quarrel?' He an. swered, We shall know very suddenly when the principal in the business comes, for he was desperately wounded before I fell."Sir,' said the sage, had you an estate? Yes, sir,' the new guest answered, 'I have left it in a very good condition, and made my will the night before this occasion.' 'Did you read it before you signed it? Yes, sure, sir,' said the new comer. Socrates replies, 'Could a man, that would not give his estate without reading the instrument, dispose of his life without asking a question?' That illustrious shade turned from him, and a crowd of impertinent goblins, who had been drolls and parasites in their life-time, and were knocked on the head for their sauciness, came about my fellow-traveller, and made themselves very merry with questions about the words Carte and Tierce, and other terms of fencers. But his thoughts began to settle into reflection upon the adventure which had robbed him of his late being; and, with a wretched sigh, said he, How terrible are conviction and guilt, when they come too late for penitence !'

Pacolet was going on in his strain, but he recovered from it, and told me, it was too soon to give my discourse on this subject so serious a turn; you have chiefly to do with that part of mankind which must be led into reflection by degrees, and you must treat this custom with humour and raillery to get an audience, before you come to pronounce sentence upon it. There is foundation enough for raising such entertainments, from the practice on this occasion. Do not you know that often a man is called out of bed to follow implicitly a coxcomb (with whom he would not keep company on any other occasion) to ruin and death? Then a good list of such as are qualified by the laws of these uncourteous men of chivalry to enter into combat (who are often persons of honour without common honesty ;) these, I say, ranged and drawn up in their proper order, would give an aversion to doing any thing in common with such as men laugh at and contemn. But to go through this work, you must not let your thoughts vary, or make excursions from your theme: consider, at the same time, that the matter has been often treated by the ablest and greatest writers, yet that must not discourage you: for the properest person to handle it, is one who has rove into

PACOLET being gone a-strolling among the men of the sword, in order to find out the secret causes of the frequent disputes we meet with, and furnish me with materials for my treatise on duelling: I have room left to go on in my information to my country readers, whereby they may understand the bright people whose memoirs I have taken upon me to write. But in my discourse of the twenty-eighth of the last month, I omitted to mention the most agreeable of all bad characters, and that is, a Rake.

A Rake is a man always to be pitied ; and if he lives, is one day certainly reclaimed; for his faults proceed not from choice or inclination, but from strong passions and appetites, which are in youth too violent for the curb of reason, good sense, good manners, and good-nature: all which he must have by nature and education, before he can be allowed to be, or to have been of this order. He is a poor unwieldy wretch that commits faults out of the redundance of his good qualities. His pity and compassion make him sometimes a bubble to all his fellows, let them be never so much below him in understanding. His desires run away with him through the strength and force of a lively imagination, which hurries him on to unlawful pleasures, before reason has power to come in to his rescue. Thus, with all the good intentions in the world to amendment, this creature sins on against heaven, himself, his friends, and his country, who all call for a better use of his talents. There is not a being under the sun so miserable as this: he goes on in a pursuit he himself disapproves, and has no enjoyment but what is followed by remorse; no relief from remorse, but the repetition of his crime. It is possible I may talk of this person with too much indulgence; but I must repeat it, that I think this a character which is the most the object of pity of any in the world. The man in the pangs of the stone, gout, or any acute distemper, is not in so deplorable a condition, in the eye of right sense, as he that errs and repents, and re-. pents and errs on. The fellow with broken limbs justly deserves your alms for his impotent condition; but he that cannot use his own reason, is in a much worse state; for you see him in miserable circumstances, with his remedy at the same time in his own possession, if he would