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Just. But, harkye! neighbour, I have got a proposal to make, which, perhaps, may not be disagreeable to you: your son Charles, it seems, is in love with Harriet, lawyer Scout's daughter. Now, I believe Sheepface's wife would hush up matters, provided you'll consent to the match.

Snarl. Consent! Why, I suppose I must, in order to save myself from further expense. A very pretty day's work I have made on't, truly!

Enter Scout, with the bond.

a bond, in

How d'ye

Scout. Here, your worship, I've filled up order that he may sign whatever is agreed to. do, neighbour Snarl? I always cut my coatSnarl. According to my cloth. Just. Come, come; sign, sign! (Snarl signs the bond.)

Enter Charles and Sheepface.

Snarl. Heyday! what the plague! are you not dead? Sheep. No; your worship could never beat such a thing into my head.

Charles. Dear sir, don't be angry; Sheepface has done nothing but by my directions; and I hope you will not only forgive him, but enable me, by your future generosity, to provide for ourselves henceforward.

Sheep. Do take back one of your best sheep.

Scout. Well, as we have settled our own affairs thus far, we must now appeal to the tribunal, and humbly ask their permission for the Village Lawyer to continue in practice. [Exeunt. ANONYMOUS

181.-SCENE FROM THE HONEY-MOON.

SCENE.-The Duke's Palace..

Enter Campillo, the Duke's Steward, and another Servant. Serv. BUT can no one tell the meaning of this fancy? Camp. No: 'tis the duke's pleasure, and that's enough for us. You shall hear his own words:

For reasons, that I shall hereafter communicate, it is necessary that Jaquez should, in all things, at present, act as my representative: you will, therefore, command

further from

my household to obey him as myself, until you hear (Signed) ARAnza. Serv. Well, we must wait the upshot. But how bears Jaquez his new dignity?

Camp. Like most men in whom sudden fortune combats against long established habit. (Laughing without.) Serv. By their merriment, this should be he. Camp. Stand aside, and let us note him.

Enter Jaquez, dressed as the Duke, followed by six Attendants, who in vain endeavour to restrain their laughter.

[Exit Servant. Jaquez. Why, you ragamuffins! what d'ye titter at? Am I the first great man that has been made off-hand by a tailor? Show your grinders again, and I'll hang you like onions, fifty on a rope. I can't think what they see ridiculous about me, except, indeed, that I feel as if I was in armour, and my sword has a trick of getting between my legs, like a monkey's tail, as if it was determined to trip up my nobility. And now, villains! don't let me see you tip the wink to each other, as I do the honours of my table. If I tell one of my best stories, don't any of you laugh before the jest comes out, to show that you have heard it before take care that you don't call me by my Christian name, and then pretend it was by accident; that shall be transportation at least: and when I drink a health to all friends, don't fancy that any of you are in the number.

Well, sir?

Enter a Servant.

Serv. There is a lady without, presses vehemently to speak to your grace.

Jaquez. A lady?

Serv. Yes, your highness.

Jaquez. Is she young?

Serv. Very, your grace!

Jaquez. Handsome?

Serv. Beautiful, your highness!

Jaquez. Send her in.-[Exit Servant.]-You may retire; I'll finish my instructions by-and-by. Young and handsome! I'll attend to her business in propriâ personâ. Your old and ugly ones I shall despatch by deputy. Now to alarm her with my consequence, and then soothe her

with my condescension. I must appear important; big as a country pedagogue, when he enters the school-room with-a hem! and terrifies the apple-munching urchins with the creaking of his shoes. I'll swell like a shirt

bleaching in a high wind; and look burly as a Sunday beadle, when he has kicked down the unhallowed stall of a profane old apple-woman. Bring my chair of state! Hush!

Enter Juliana.

Jul. I come, great duke, for justice!
Jaquez. You shall have it.

Of what do you complain?

Jul. My husband, sir !

Jaquez. I'll hang him instantly!

Jul. He has deceived me.

What's his offence?

Jaquez. A very common case; few husbands answer

their wives' expectations.

Jul. He has abused your grace.

Jaquez. Indeed! if he has done that, he swings most loftily. But how, lady, how?

Jul. Shortly thus, sir:

Being no better than a low-born peasant,

He has assumed your character and person.

Enter Duke Aranza.

O! you are here, sir? This is he, my lord.

Jaquez. Indeed! (Aside.) Then I must tickle him. Why, fellow, d'ye take this for an ale-house, that you enter with such a swagger? Know you where you are, sir? Duke. The rogue reproves me well! (Aside.) I had forgot.

Most humbly I entreat your grace's pardon,

For this unusher'd visit; but the fear

Of what this wayward woman might allege

Beyond the truth

Jul. I have spoke naught but truth.

Duke. Has made me thus unmannerly.

Jaquez. 'Tis well. You might have used more cere

mony.

Proceed.

Jul. This man, my lord, as I was saying, Passing himself upon my inexperience

(To Juliana.)

For the right owner of this sumptuous palace.
Obtain'd my slow consent to be his wife;
And cheated, by this shameful perfidy,
Me of my hopes-my father of his child.

Jaquez. Why, this is swindling; obtaining another man's goods under false pretences; that is, if a woman be a good; that will make a very intricate point for the judges. Well, sir, what have you to say in your defence?

Duke. I do confess I put this trick upon her;

And for my transient usurpation

Of your most noble person, with contrition

I bow me to the rigour of the law.

But for the lady, sir, she can't complain.
Jul. How! not complain?

And not complain !

To be thus vilely cozen'd,

Jaquez. Peace, woman! Though Justice be blind, she is not deaf.

Duke. He does it to the life!

Had not her most exceeding pride been doting,
She might have seen the difference, at a glance,
Between your grace and such a man as I am.

(Aside.)

Jaquez. She might have seen that certainly. Proceed. Duke. Nor did I fall so much beneath her sphere,

Being what I am, as she had soar'd above it

Had I been that which I have only feign'd.

Jaquez. Yet, you deceived her.

Jul. Let him answer that.

Duke. I did: most men in something cheat their wives ; Wives gull their husbands; 'tis the course of wooing. Now, bating that my title and my fortune

Were evanescent, in all other things

I acted like a plain and honest suitor.

I told her she was fair, but very proud;

That she had taste in music, but no voice;

That she danced well, yet still might borrow grace
From such or such a lady. To be brief;
I praised her for no quality she had not,
Nor over-prized the talents she possess'd:
Now, save in what I have before confess'd,
And I challenge her worst spite to answer me,
Whether, in all attentions, which a woman,
A gentle and a reasonable woman,

Looks for, I have not to the height fulfill'd,

If not outgone her expectations?

Jaquez. Why, if she has no cause of complaint since

you were married

Duke. I dare her to the proof on't.

Jaquez. Is it so, woman?

(To Juliana.)

Jul. I don't complain of what has happen'd since;

The man has made a tolerable husband,

But for the monstrous cheat he put upon me,

I claim to be divorced.

Jaquez. It cannot be.

Jul. Cannot, my
Jaquez. No.

Jul. Never!

lord?

You must live with him.

Duke. Or, if your grace will give me leave-
We have been wedded yet a few short days-
Let us wear out a month as man and wife;
If, at the end on't, with uplifted hands,
Morning and evening, and sometimes at noon,
And bended knees, she doesn't plead more warmly—
Jul. If I do-

Duke. Then let her will be done, that seeks to part us.
Jul. I do implore your grace to let it stand

Upon that footing.

Jaquez. Humph! Well, it shall be so; with this proviso, that either of you are at liberty to hang yourselves in the mean time. (Rises.)

Duke. We thank your providence. Come, Juliana-
Jul. Well, there's my hand: a month's soon past, and

then

I am your humble servant, sir.

Duke. For ever.

Jul. Nay, I'll be hang'd first. Duke. That may do as well. Come, you'll think better on't.

Jul. By all

Duke. No swearing.

Jaquez. No, no; no swearing.

Duke. We humbly take our leaves.

[Exit with Juliana, and Servants.

Jaquez. I begin to find, by the strength of my nerves, and the steadiness of my countenance, that I was certainly

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