INGLEBY AND MISS BIFFIN.

WHO has not seen the wonderful performances of the soi disant " Emperor of All the Conjurors ?" Who has not visited his contemporary, Miss Biffin, who-bearing some affinity to the Biffins of Norfolk-though curtailed of Nature's fair proportions, being born without arms and legs, outran the generality of her sex in works of ingenuity, and handled a pair of scissors with as much dexterity as a Parisienne couturiere, cutting out watchpapers and painting pro-files with nothing but her mouth," and, in short, performing every possible thing in the most impossible way to any body, but Miss Biffin.

Emperor Ingleby, at one period of his reign, performed at some minor theatre in the neighbourhood of the Strand.

One evening his friend, Miss Biffin, naturally desirous of witnessing her more gifted friend's sleights of hand, allowed him to take her in his arms into a box and there seat her, before the audience were admitted, when, with a large cloak thrown around her, she was not distinguishable from

* Vide Mathews At Home.

any other body possessing the usual complement of limbs Ingleby promising, at the close of the night's performance, to come and carry her out as soon as the better endowed visiters had taken away their respective legs and arms, conjuring her to sit very quiet until the theatre was quite empty.

It so happened that the conjuror forgot this portion of his evening's undertaking, and therefore when he had finished his arduous performance he went home to sup.

Miss Biffin--poor body !—waited with much patience for some time, but at length began to suspect that the conjuror had played her a trick, and she felt his slight very much. Anxiously she looked for her faithless friend, but, alas! looked in vain; and destitute as she was of limbs to carry her out of the box in which she was packed, she feared she should be compelled to take up her quarters in it for the rest of the night; but, all preparations for shutting up the doors drawing to a close, and the pinafores being put upon the boxes, the remaining box-keeper respectfully addressed the lady, who seemed to him to have forgotten to go, and intimated to her with great delicacy, the propriety of her going out.

Miss Biffin timidly, but truly, informed the man that she was waiting for a gentleman to take her away, and that she was not able to go alone; upon which the man civilly offered to escort her to a

coach if she would place her arm under his. Miss Biffin was then obliged to inform him that she had no arms. Startled at such information, the man paused, but soon again urged the necessity of her walking out of the theatre immediately, as he must lock up all the doors; and poor Miss Biffin was compelled to confess that "she could not walk out, as she had no legs," at which astounding intelligence the poor man was so alarmed that he ran out of the box, and, in the darkened lobby, coming in contact with Ingleby (who had recollected his pledge-a pledge, by the way, of which there was no duplicate to be found and immediately returned to redeem it), told the conjuror that there was "A Notomy of a woman in one of the boxes, whom nobody but the devil could have placed there, and whom only the devil (or the emperor) himself could remove."

TRAIT OF NAÏVETÉ.—SI

-SIR JOHN STEVENSON

(NOT AT HOME).

In one of his visits to England, Sir John Stevenson had taken private apartments for himself and servant-an unadulterated green native of the verdant isle. Being much engaged on some musical compositions preparing for the press, and finding his time much taken up by morning visiters, he took the precaution one day of denying himself, and thus delivered orders to that effect :

"Now, Patrick, remember I'm going to be particularly occupied for the next two hours, and I won't be at home, mind, if the Bishop of London calls."

"Very well, your honour; I'll take care;" replied the obedient attendant, as he closed the door.

Sir John now set himself down to the piano forte, and was soon immersed in the interest of his occupation when, in about ten minutes, he had reason to congratulate himself upon having provided against intrusion, for a loud knock at the street door proclaimed the usual routine of idlers. What, then, was his surprise and mortification

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when he saw his room-door flung open, and Pat, with his usual smile of welcome, ushering in three gentlemen! After the simple fellow had placed chairs for the visiters, a quick glance from his master's eye told him that he had somehow committed himself, but the organ of potato-ism was too prominently developed to allow him to comprehend exactly how, yet shrewdly suspecting that Sir John's evident vexation was connected with his admission of the present visiters, and with a view to deprecate his displeasure, and prove to his master that he had not infringed the particular order he had received from him, with much significance of look, and force of emphasis, he said

Plaze, Sir John, the Bishop of London hasn't called yet."

The following is a pendant to the foregoing:

MRS. CHARLES KEMBLE, one morning, giving orders to a newly-installed footman-a clod whom she had picked up in the country, and who was quite ignorant and unpractised in the finesse of polite life, told him that she "should not be 'at home' the whole of