moment, owing to the heat of the weather, its contents were untouchable.]

The travellers, malgré their craving appetites, smiled at each other, amused at such an eccentric deviation from the established "rule of the road." To find the waiter of an inn acknowledge any thing it contained to be less than perfection, was reversing the order and fitness of things. It was, however, not desirable to insist upon the production of eatables clearly not edible, and it was suggested by Mr. Mathews that some bread and a slice of butter might suffice; but their little adviser shook his head disapprovingly, and again whispered—

"By no means; 't wont do, Sir!-butter rancid; bread all baked in a tin; heavy as lead!"

Oh, very well," replied Mathews, "let us have some biscuits; they can't be very objectionable."

But," interposed Yates, before the man could offer a demurrer, "we shall want something to drink with such dry things. I'm dying of thirst as well as of hunger. I think, Mathews, some Sherry will be best."

Here the waiter abruptly cried out, as if somebody had pinched him—

Oh, don't! Don't think of it, Sir! Pray dont !"

"What do you mean ?" said Yates; "the wine hasn't been kept too long, I'll answer for it; that is not tainted. Bring in a pint of your best

Sherry."

Waiter (with an indignant sneer)—“ Sherry, indeed! Charge you for Sherry; all Cape-not worth a shilling a bottle."

Well," said my Husband, "since you confess the Cape,' what say you to your Port?"

Waiter (with a shudder)—“ Ugh! Worse. All sloe-juice-never saw Oporto."

Mr. Yates (tittering)-" Well, then, how's your brandy ?"

Burn your in

Waiter-" British, every drop! Burn side out !"

"The Devil take it," said Mathews. Well, I suppose you've some decent ale; let us have some of that."

Here this Burleigh of waiters again shook his head with greater meaning than before, at the same time exhibiting an expression of face that might have belonged to King Agrippa, and uttering a spasmodic repetition of the word "Ale!" placed his hands significantly upon his lower stomach, with an accompanying shudder, which described an intimate experience of its aigre qualities.

"What?" asked Mr. Yates who was, by this time, in convulsions with suppressed laughter, "What ! the ale bad, too ?"

Waiter (with another shudder)" Shocking! Thunder-storm last week ;

Sour as wargess ! make you ill! Ugh!"

Highly amused at this mysterious friend's several warnings-little less impressive than those of Mrs.

Thrale, though not so Entire-my Husband at length, by way of final experiment, proposed that a decanter of cold water should supply the place of more doubtful liquids; at which suggestion, the conscientious waiter, with up-turned palms, and eyeballs protruded as if in amazement at the local ignorance which prompted this demand; and, in affected incredulity at such absence of information on so notorious a point; with a show of hydrophobial disgust, and an effort of breath which seemed to be dragging Truth itself from her Well, he exclaimed

What!!-Tewkesbury Water!!!"

This was the climax; and at that moment the chaise drawing up to the door, the uncheered travellers, putting a grateful "thank-you-for-nothing " fee into the hand of the pursey little waiter, recommenced their journey, and indulging in an unrestrained roar of laughter at the conduct of their conscientious and considerate friend, agreed, that though totally deficient in hospitality, the inn they had just quitted could not be said to be altogether destitute of Entertainment.

MATHEWS AT BRIGHTON.

Or a very different complexion from the aforesaid serving-man was "our Brother of York,"* who some time after waited upon Mr. Mathews, while taking his ease at his inn."

86

My Husband was a plain feeder, and often preferred the South--Down mutton to any other food, when it was to be had.

He had dined one day off a most excellent saddle of this mutton, and the joint became, for the time, his hobby; consequently having, the day after, invited a mutton-eating friend to dine with him, he ordered another saddle, which he begged might not be inferior to that of the previous day.

The waiter, who was a very promising young man (most waiters are), assured his patron that he might rely upon being supplied to his wish with "the dish whereon he loved to feed;" but as there are many slips between the cup and the lip-the stirrup and the ground- - so this saddle proved more like a halter (which every body knows is the emblem of toughness); and at the first incision was proclaimed all leather and prunella, and neither of the friends thought of putting a bit into his mouth. Mr. Mathews reproached his attendant for not having attended to his instructions to pro

vide another saddle comparable in quality with that of the day before. The zealous waiter stoutly asserted his rigid obedience to the order, and expressed his great surprise that the saddle on table should prove inferior to the one of the previous day, adding, with his most polished bow

"I cannot understand how it can be; for I saw it cut from the very same sheep, I do assure you, Sir !"

("Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a type of thee, thou liar of the first magnitude!")

MASTER BETTY.

NAPOLEON called England" a nation of shopkeepers" he might also have termed it a country of imitators. Certes, it is but to start any striking novelty, to see innumerable competitors, if not rivals, in the field, eager to share or supersede the glory of the original; for of what can it be said that

The "

"Our tardy, apish nation

Limps not after, in base imitation?"

Betty-Boy" was undoubtedly a child of precocious and marvellous power to imbibe dramatic instruction, and to repeat it faithfully. He