utmost difficulty in swallowing the poisonous composition. The next night, one of the club perceiving a large key lying upon Incledon's dressing-table, with an iron label attached, upon which the word "cellar," was engraved, it struck the plotters that it was the " open Sesame" to the so-much-vaunted Madeira. And Incledon happening at the time to be engaged upon the stage until the close of the opera, the traitors despatched his dresser in a hackney-coach to Brompton Crescent with the precious key, and a message to Mrs. Incledon from her husband, requesting that she would send forthwith by the bearer (known by her to be his theatre-attendant) one dozen of his best Madeira. Mrs. Incledon, wholly unsuspicious of any trick the delivery of the key being sufficient warranty for the genuineness of the order-caused the wine to be promptly delivered, and placed in the coach; and the dresser arrived at the theatre with it ere Incledon returned to his room. When there, it was formally announced to him, that in consequence of his continued distaste of the wine hitherto provided, which had been consumed to the last bottle, the club had procured a dozen of a superior quality, in order to gratify Incledon's fastidious taste; and as it was the last of the night season, they had invited two or three performers, not of the club, to partake of the treat; for the wine had been tasted by some unerring judges, and pronounced unequalled in its flavour. Incledon's self-conceit, Incledon's self-conceit, it may be

imagined, was somewhat piqued by the declared existence of any wine not his " unequalled" in quality; and he looked grave and dissatisfied. His judgment thus appealed to was tenacious and deliberate. He poured out slowly a glass of the boasted wine, and held it up to the light with most critical examination; he then passed it under his nos trils, scrupulously repeating the operation several times, with an ominous shake of the head, which reminded all present of Lord Burleigh in the Critic; then putting a taste of the wine upon his tongue, and moving it about for a short interval before he swallowed it, and repeating again and again this last test, with a sudden shudder of disgust and contempt, he ultimately threw away the remaining drop from the defiled glass, protesting, with a vehement oath, that it was stuff, and not worth a shilling a bottle: in fact," Cape-nothing but Cape," to which he pronounced the previous samples infinitely superior! His brethren expressed themselves "disappointed,' and they were "sorry and vexed" that Mr. Incledon did not like the wine, which every other person lauded, and speedily disposed of. Incledon became sulky, having for consistency sake abstained from taking his share of the "execrable trash," and moodily prepared to return home.-One of the party, who all at once affected to agree with him in opinion of that night's wine, accompanying him thither, self-invited, for the professed purpose of tasting the "particular Madeira " so often vaunted

by its fortunate possessor.

As they entered the

supper-room, the master of the house put his hand into his pocket for the key of the cellar, which not finding, he expressed his fear that he had left it behind him in his stage-clothes; but, on the instant, Mrs. Incledon smilingly produced it, observing that, "in the haste of his messenger's return to the theatre with the wine, she had omitted to send back the key." "What messenger? what wine?" asked the astonished and alarmed husband. The whole matter was soon explained, and the boaster, more angry than humbled, was left by his visiter, the unpitied victim to his own vanity, justly sacrificed upon the altar he himself had erected.

MATHEWS AND YATES.

In the year 1829 my Husband and Mr. Yates, journeying together, stopped at a post-town which, in forgetfulness of its proper name, we will call Tewkesbury, and during the ceremony of changing horses, being desirous of performing as many miles as possible by daylight, and their dinner-halt being necessarily late,

the friends agreed upon the expediency of a slight refreshment before they proceeded further.

On alighting at the above post-house they were officiously attended by a little, fat, bald-headed waiter, who bustled before them into a room where he made them his best bow, and "hoped that both gentlemen were well," calling to their remembrance his having attended upon them a short time previously in another part of the country, hinting that he had not forgotten their liberality to him on that occasion. The travellers having gratified the little man by their obvious recollection of his services, desired him without loss of time, and with as little ceremony as possible, to bring in a tray with something cold to eat.

At this demand the manner of the little waiter underwent a considerable change, and the warmth

his welcome suddenly sunk below Zero, his face exhibiting at the same time an expression of concern. After a pause, during which his mind seemed agitated by a perplexed "What ought I to do?" his eye glanced at the open door of the room, which he immediately closed with the most delicate precaution, then tiptoe-ing his way back, as if his shoes were not deemed trustworthy, and might creak out their understanding of their wearer's underhand proceedings, he went close to the wondering visiters, placed his right hand edgeways against the left side of his mouth, and, in a scarce audible whisper

M

-doubtless having heard that walls have ears-into the porches of those of the travellers, which were wide open with curiosity, he poured a leprous distilment, the which I will transmit to my readers' eyes in its genuine colloquial substance.

I have said that, as soon as the hungry travellers called for something which might stay their appetites, for dinner, something unusual appeared in the manner and conduct of the waiter, who, after the precautionary evolutions described, thus accounted for the want of that prompt alacrity which generally follows similar intimations to one of his calling.

"Gentlemen," said he "I hope you will pardon the liberty I take, but, if you will follow my advice, you will postpone your luncheon till you reach the next stage."

Mr. Mathews-surprised, asked "Why so ?" Waiter-"Hush!" (putting his finger on his lips, pointing to the door, and looking unutterable things) Because, Sir, there is nothing in this house that is fit for you to eat; it would be robbing you to make you pay for any thing here."

Mr. Yates " Well, but you don't mean-"

Waiter-" Indeed, Sir, I do.

There is nothing a gentleman can swallow-kept too long-every bit tainted, I do assure you. It would be throwing away your money to call for any thing to eat."

[Here the friendly waiter explained that the larder of the master he now served, was, at the best of times, ill provided, but that, at the present