« AnteriorContinuar »
her nuns was proceeding on a journey, which it of Wellington for permission to see his Waterloo was a matter of life and death to complete with the beeches-the celebrated avenue planted on his esutmost speed. The man who drove the mules of tate to commemorate his greatest victory. Mrs. their carriage was urging his beasts to speed with Loudon's chirography was none of the most legible, the usual profuse oaths and blasphemies which are so that when the Duke read her letter he mistook in vogue with Spanish muleteers in general, and “becches" for “breeches," and supposed the epistle the pious ears of the two nuns were so shocked at a request for the inspection of that indispensable what they heard that they insisted upon the man's garment worn by bim on the field of Waterloo. At abstaining from the offensive words. The mules, the signature he was again deceived. The u in not hearing the accustomed objurgations, speedily Dírs. Loudon's name he took for an n, and accordslackened their pace, and the driver informed the ingly read the whole signature “J. C. London," ladies that nothing but strong swearing would which was none other than that of the Bishop of make them more quickly. The nuns were at their London himself. Accordingly, though much aswit's end. Every half-hour was most precious; tonished at such a desire on the part of a grave digbut, on the other hand, their consciences revolted nitary, he wrote him in answer a note, which we at the idea of authorizing such blasphemies as they may imagine created equal astonishment in the rehad been hearing. At length a happy thought cipient: struck them. The most odiously profane phrase
"My Lord,—My valet tells me that the breeches I is, of course,
made up of words which, if taken sin- wore at the battle of Waterloo were long ago given away gly, may be of a perfectly innocent description. to Mr. Benjamin Robert Haydon, for the purposes of his They therefore agreed to divide the muleteer's curs- historical painting. Regretting deeply that I lave not ings into their component parts, and so, by assign- the breeches to show your lordship, I remain ing one word to the abbess, another to the sister,
“Your Lordchip's very humble servant, and a third to the muleteer, and pronouncing their
* WELLINGTON." serics in their proper order, the complete anathemas were made to reach the ears of the mules, while A PHILADELPHIAN writes: not one of the speakers could be considered guilty We have in our store a son of Erin who is someof uttering any thing wrong.
times very green.
He was preparing to close the This is a sad example of the contagious influence store one rainy night, and, taking off bis coat, was of bad company even upon asses and nuns! about to go outside, when I asked him why he went
out in his shirt-sleeves in all the rain. “Sure,” An ex-major writes :
says he, “don't I want a dry coat to go home in ?" DEAR DRAWER, -As I see military stories are not quite out of date yet I send you the following Joux Suiti affirms that these stories have never from New Orleans:
been published, but the Drawer will not allow that In the spring of '64 I was a Captain, and station statement to be made any longer, and therefore ed at Port Hudson. My Second Lieutenant, George sets them up here for its readers : Bwas celebrated for his dry humor. One An individual by the name of M- of the town evening, about 11 o'clock, I, being regimental of- of B- State of Michigan, is well known to be ficer of the day, made the rounds, and came to a not overstocked with brains. Some years since he sentinel who was stationed very near the Lieuten- connected himself with the Methodist Church. He ant's tent. After going through the usual formula was very forward, and liked to tell his experience with the sentinel I heard the Lieutenant sing out, in class-meetings. On one of these occasions he “I know what the countersign is, Captain." Know- said: “I have been seriously thinking, my friends, ing that I had not spoken it loud enough for any wbat duty calls me to do, and bave finally decided one but the sentinel to hear, I said, “I'll bet you to study for the ministry, and then ride a circus." don't. What is it?” Says he, “It is 'correct;' I Charitable hearers supposed that he intended to heard the sentinel tell you so."
"ride a circuit,” but he is better fitted for the ring
than the pulpit. A FRIEND of mine, an ex-officer of the army, while in the employ of the “Bureau," was station- Nor many years since there resided in the southed in a certain parish in this State. Calling one ern part of Michigan a well-to-do farmer that had evening on a young lady, she amused him by play- moved there in an early day, when the country was ing on the piano. After banging away on a piece new and times were bard. But for all that his eldfor about half an hour he professed himself bighly est son thought it was time to get married. So delighted, and asked what it was. “Why," said preparations were made, the minister came, the she, in a tone of mingled surprise at and pity for knot was tied, and a bounteous table was spread his ignorance, “That's 'Bonaparte's retreat from out. The guests had assembled around it, and the Boston!""
bridemaids came to escort the bride to the table.
“Well," says the bridegroom, “there are so many PEOPLE who wish to obtain favors from others at the table I guess I'll wait.” ought to write their requests in a legible hand. Many ludicrous blunders have occurred from a neg- A CANADIAN incloses these stories to the Drawer. lect of this caution. A good story has been told The Drawer is glad that they can find amusement of the way in which the Duke of Wellington once even in a Fenian raid: made himself a laughing-stock by the unpardona- Three years ago, while stopping at a hotel in the ble chirography of a lady:
worn-out town of B-, not many miles from ToMrs. J. C. Loudon, widow of the celebrated land- ronto, there came along a photographer and his scape gardener, took a great delight in prosecuting wife, and engaged rooms to secure the shadows" the favorite studies of her husband's life. On one of the people. In furnishing the “gallery" tho occasion, wishing to make some researches in the happy couple got into some dispute, which quickly department of arboriculture, she wrote the Duke drifted into a regular fight. The noise soon attract
their pride kept them up. Just then, however, a one of the planting clergy-a short, thick-set, and shell struck in the midst of the regiment and burst, rotund brother, whose circumference exceeded his knocking over half a dozen poor fellows, and caus- altitude--and in this respect no man in the house ing the rest to “hug the ground" in ludicrous haste. presented so strong and striking a contrast with the Looking up in grim satisfaction, the General sa- tall and courtly Kentuckian. But the proposition luted them with: “ There ! Now I guess you'll to swap clothes had hardly escaped the lips of the lie down!" That regimont never "put on airs" speaker before Hopkins wriggled himself out of his again.
seat and on his feet, and cried out:
“Mr. Moderator, I'm his man!" The General could see a joke even when the The effect was instantaneous and tremendous ! point was turned the wrong way. The _d New The image of Breckinridge, with his long arms and York was once in his command, and a great source legs protruding from Hopkins's toggery was up beof trouble it was, too. The officers gambled openly fore the eyes of the Synod. They could see nothing in their tents, and the soldiers could not reasonably else—think of nothing else--and for a while they be expected to do any better--so the result was a gave way to uncontrolled laughter, in which no noisy, ill - disciplined regiment, and a perpetual one joined so heartily as the discomfited speaker. "thorn in the flesh" to the order-loving General.
One night, hearing a “row” of unusual dimen- The following christening anecdote comes from sions in the camp of the —, he dispatched a squad an English clergyman who is fond of telling a good of the head-quarters' guard to make a raid on the story: camp, who returned with a brace of the offenders, The rector of a parish bordering upon my own whom they had caught gambling. In the morning was once requested to baptize a male infant by the they were paraded before the General, who sent to name of Vanus. the Quarter-master for an empty shoe-box, which " Venus !" cried he to the godfather, very sharphe placed just in front of his tent; then procuring a ly, for he is of a choleric temperament, although as greasy pack of cards and a pint of beans, he seated kind a soul as breathes—"stuff and nonsense! In one man each side of the box, divided the beans the first place, Venus is not a man's name at all, equally between them, and set them to playing their but a woman's; and, secondly, it was the name of favorite “ draw poker," the “pot" being limited to an infamously bad woman. You ought to be six beans, that the supply might last. Ile kept ashamed of yourself to wish that any Christian them at it until dark, the necessary time for meals child should be so named!" only being allowed. Next morning they were “put “Grandfeyther was christened Vanus," returned on" at daylight, and kept steadily at work (or rather the sponsor, doggedly. play) until night. On the third day the same per- “Your grandfather was christened Venus, Sir! formance was commenced; but, near noon, one of Impossible! Is he alive? Where is he?" the incorrigibles, seeing a sergeant of his company At these words an exceedingly ancient person, near, called out to him: “Sergeant ! please give looking as little like Venus as can possibly be imagmy compliments to General P—, and ask him if ined, tottered slowly forth from the congregation, if he won't release me? If he won't, tell him he'll for the christening was taking place during the afthave to send this other fellow some more beans, for ernoon service. I've got him scooped !" The man was released, and “ Is your name Venus?" inquired the clergythe General gave up trying to reform that regiment man.
“Well, yes, Sir; they always calls me Vanus."
“And do you mean to say that you were chrisEven the grave and potent church courts some- tened by that name?" times furnish incidents that are provocative of “Yes, Sir; at least I believe they write it out laughter. No one that was present when the fol- Sil-vanus, but they always called me Vanus." lowing scene took place will ever think of it without what Mrs. Partington calls a “heart-felt smile:" Ar the charter election of one of our cities a man
The Synod of Kentucky was in session. The who was notoriously intemperate was a candidate. subject of raising the salaries of certain professors On all ordinary occasions he was passably drunk, was under discussion. The Rev. Robert J. Breck- but on this particular day he had outdone himself. inridge, D.D. (of whom his nephew, the new Vice- In the evening, while the votes were being canPresident, said, “ If uncle Robert had been appoint- vassed, “old Rot" was there, and the crowd became ed to a command in Mexico they would have been noisy.' On their being requested to keep quiet and fighting to this time !") was on the floor, making a not disturb the Board, “Rot” exclaimed, in a thick, speech in opposition to the measure. It had been pathetic whisper: “Y-yes, keep still! Y-you'll said that ministers of high standing and large defeat me!" It was necessary to request the crowd means, clothed in fine linen and faring sumptuously a second time to keep quiet. every day, did not sympathize with those whose salaries were small. To this Dr. Breckinridge was A NOTED character is Jack M'Gill. He delights replying. He scouted the idea that ministers live in (mis)quoting words out of the sphere of his learufor money, or desire the luxuries of the world. As ing. Some years since his house took fire from a for himself, he challenged any man to say that he cooking-stove. After it was extinguished he was lived more frugally than himself. Drawing him- delivering himself of the pent-up wrath generated self up to his full height, and standing six feet high thereby, and concluded by saying: “Confound the at least, he displayed his proportions, and exclaim- man that first convented a cooking-stove any hox !" ed: “As to the fine linen, if there is a man on this Having a difficulty with a neighbor which was floor who dresses more plainly than I do, I offer to likely to terminate in a suit at law, he thus proposed exchange clothes with him this moment."
to his opponent: "Now, A-I am willin' to leave Directly in front of the Moderator, and in sight this matter to three interested persons, and bind myof most of the members, sat the Rev. Mr. Hopkins, self to divide by their incision!"
in that way.
vengeance. He declared "he would punish the eld- / who prided himself on his wit, and took every oper if the law would let him." Soon after there was portunity to show it. Here was a rare chance, at a camp-meeting close by, and the elder, as was his the expense of a poor old drunkard. wont, took a very active part. He was in the mid. “Jim," said he, “I understand you was out late dle of his sermon, his audience was large, and he last night." had made a proposition which he was quoting au- “Umph! b'lieve I was.” thorities to sustain. With much vebemence and "And met with an accident, I heard." terrific gestures he interrogates himself with " What " Well-yes." did Hosea say?" and then he tells what he did say. "Held one rein tighter than the other, I suppose ?" “What did Ezekiel say?” “What did Jeremiah “No-wrong there,” says Jim; “ 'twas because say?” At this point one of his auditors—Joe S-, I didn't hold it so tight!" a long-limbed, stoop-shouldered, red-headed fellow -rose about half-way up, and leaning forward, with EVERY one in the Army of the Potomac has heard his dexter finger pointed dead at the elder, answer of General P—, that sturdy old veteran of Flored the question, in his own peculiar, drawling, na- ida and Mexico, whom years of service had made sal twang: “He says, by mighty! you'd better set- brown and grizzled, and years of discipline stern and tle up that old sow scrape mighty soon, or you'll inflexible in his ideas of duty, but whom neither git sued—that's what Jeremiah says !"
years, service, nor discipline could make any thing The elder's sermon was finished. He did settle but the faithful soldier and Christian gentleman. with Jerry, and with his congregation too, and it | The General has a voice of immense power, a piercwas his last sermon in V
ing eye, and a grimness, not to say sternness of
manner, which made him a veritable "terror to The following comes from Iowa:
evil-doers." Withal, a kinder-hearted man never Away out here, in our beautiful, grove-embowered breathed, nor a more genial when among his friends. city, lives one of the everlasting Smith family, who He has, too, a deal of grim humor, which frequentpiques himself not a little on the quality of his ly displayed itself in the means he adopted to maindinners, but at table invariably bores his friends tain discipline, and if not often showing itself in with out-of-place apologies and far-fetched excuses laughter, certainly caused it often enough in others. because the viands—sumptuous though they may On one occasion a sergeant belonging to one of
- are not better, etc. Now it happened that the regiments of the General's brigade was picked on a certain day Smith got up an elegant feast for up by the rear-guard for straggling, having been a newly-married couple and their friends, but a discovered milking a cow in a field near the road, heavy rain setting in they sent a big, bungling, and, for want of a pail, catching the grateful fluid in matter-of-fact brother of the groom's to tender their his mouth. At night he was duly reported to the compliments, and communicate their deep regrets General, and ordered to approach the dreaded presthat the unfavorable weather would prevent their ence, which he did in fear and trembling, the loss participation in the enjoyments they knew were of his stripes being the mildest of the visions which awaiting them beneath his hospitable roof. Smith, danced before his imagination. Now the Generalthough disappointed, received the brother gra- al's knowledge of his men was almost as minute as ciously; the repast was served, and the proxy of Cæsar's, and he knew the sergeant to be a good solthe absent friends, with the family, sat down to dier, and seldom guilty of any infraction of duty. discuss it. Smith's old malady was upon him, and, Perhaps. too, he appreciated the temptation; at any grace over, he commenced slandering the good rate, fixing his eye on the culprit, he thundered: things before them, and at last brought up by apol- "So you are the man who sucked the cow, eh?" ogetically expressing to his guest the mortification “Yes, Sir." he felt that he "had nothing better to offer him." “You great calf, go to your regiment!" “Well," blurted out the fellow, “I guess I can stand it one meal, if you can all the time!"
THERE was one regiment in the brigade, the-th
New York, the officers of which were never contented A Wisconsin friend, who values the Magazine, unless they were doing things differently from any and especially the Drawer, sends the following: one else, and not a little trouble bad their propensi
Not long since, in conversation with a lady, she ty caused the General. One day, when in battle, gave me the afflicting information that there "had the brigade was ordered to support a certain batbeen discovered in the Lake Superior country an tery, for which purpose they were marched to the inexhaustible mine of lumbago!” We made up our slope of the hill on which the battery was posted, minds at once never to farm it in that country. and in its rear, and ordered to lie down. Now, to
fully appreciate the situation, you must know that A “CONSTANT READER" should become also a the battery was then engaged in a lively artillery constant contributor, if he can send more like the duel with the enemy, and the air thereabout was three following:
full of shot and shell, and while men were comparIn the town of St. Albans, away down in the atively safe lying down, standing up was unpleasState of Maine, lived, a few years ago, an old fellow antly hazardous. Of course the General's order by the name of Jim, who was drunk fully half of was obeyed with alacrity by all but the —th, whose the time, and, as the result, was everlastingly in officers, seeing that the General had not dismountsome kind of scrape. One dark, wet night, while ed, thought to gain credit for their regiment by deon his way home from a neighboring town, where clining the proffered safety, and kept their men he bad been to get his jug filled, he drove his team standing. The General sat on his horse studying a into a ditch, making a perfect wreck of it, and bury- map, as unconscious of fire as in his quarters, but ing himself in the mud. The next day he stumbled looking up after a few moments, called out: “Lie over to the village tavern, the “head centre" of all down, —th!” and went on studving. Looking up the loafers in the place. Among the number col- again, and seeing his orders not obeyed, he again lected on this occasion was a spruce young lawyer I cried: “You had better lie down, —th!” But still
But wherefore gods? Those ideal toys
And burrs roll down with curled-tip leaves,
THE WORK-HOUSE-BLACKWELL'S ISLAND. RUNKENNESS and small thefts are two such the proposal was adopted by the Common
in the institution which forms the subject of ture in 1850. The corner-stone was laid in this article. The writer, therefore, has been November of that year. The architectural plan prevented from emulating an English brother of that date exhibits many features not seen in of the pen who created no small sensation by his the structure as completed. The engraving at treatment of a similar theme. He has not be the head of this article shows that it comprises come an inmate of the Work-house for the sake two wings, the one extending northerly, the of a novel experience and the desire to give a other southerly, from an extensive centre buildvivid description. He may premise, however, ing. A third wing, projecting immediately that he has had advantages far from common back of this, is also to be descried in the origin eliciting information concerning it, and that inal plan, as well as four outhouses of consider“our artist” was on the spot when the accom-able architectural pretensions situated on the panying sketches were made.
corners of an inclosure in which the main strucThe Work-house is the most recently estab- ture was to stand. None of these have been lished of the institutions upon Blackwell's Isl- erected. and. Previous to the erection of the present The northern wing contains the female wards, building the classes that now fill it were dis- the southern the male. They are similar in tributed among the District Prisons, the Tombs, exterior and interior construction, and the prethe Penitentiary, and the Alms-house. It was sented view of the galleries and rows of cells in originally recommended, "for the employment, the northern wing gives a fair idea of the apof able-bodied inmates of the Alms-house," by pearance of cach. In the middle of the further a committee from the Board of Aldermen. As I extremity will be seen an altar-like structure,