have a chat; but some youngsters on the outside | have as many as can make it convenient attend had a disagreeable habit of bellowing at us through their funeral!" This naturally provoked a laugh the knot-holes like a herd of bulls. This so exas- from the officers; and the orderly, perceiving someperated a little Irishman we had that he put his thing to be wrong, again touched his hat, and said. wits to work to retaliate in some manner. He made "There may be a joke about it; but if there is, it is a pair of wooden pinchers, and stationed himself at on the Colonel, for he told me so!" one of the largest knot-holes just after roll-callthe worst time for the bellowing. In a few moments it commenced, and there came along a strapping big fellow, stuck his nose and mouth through Billy's hole, and gave a great bowoo, when snap went Billy's pinchers, and he had him by the nose. Then there was bellowing in earnest. Such roars of laughter I think I never heard. We did the bel-nosed, cadaverous, unwashed Jews, with an old lowing on our side after that. THERE is wit as well as wisdom in this pithy story: There is a German porter in one of the largest banking and brokerage houses in Wall Street who has been there in that capacity for nearly twenty years, and has saved about forty thousand dollars, which he has on deposit with that firm in their safe government bonds. When asked by a bevy of juvenile clerks how he managed to be so rich, he replied: "You see, when I got a shillin' in my pocket, und I wants a glass of lager, und I tinks I can't do widout it, I don't get 'um." THE writer of this has reached Cleveland, Ohio: In my travels, a short time since, I left New York at evening on board the sleeping-car for the West. The car was well filled with a genteellooking set of people, when there entered one of those hatchet-faced, round-shouldered, hooked leather bag in his hand, and taking his seat, immediately opened said bag and took out a very stale mixture of bread, sausage, etc., and commenced eating, much to the annoyance of the delicate noses of the other occupants. Upon the appearance of the Conductor (an Irishman) the passengers entered a complaint against such proceedings, and were assured that the obnoxious individual should soon be disposed of. The Conductor accosted the Jew demanding his berth fare. "Vell, how much you charge?" "Three dollars," was the answer. "Oh, dat is too much! 'Tis not wort so much. I tot it vas von dollar and a half. I vill not give so much!" "Well," says the Conductor, ". we have raised the price in order My little nephew Johnny, a three-year-old, has to keep out the low class, whose patronage we do a baby sister, whose mother is sometimes under the not wish." "Oh yes, yes, yes! Vell, I see-dat necessity of administering to her the usual infan-ish all right! Here ish your monish" (at the same tile remedies to preserve due quiet in the family. Johnny was visiting a neighbor one day, not long since, who inquired of him how baby was. plied: He re "She is pretty well. Mother has to give her 'Mrs. Winslow,' though." "Mrs. Winslow," said the questioner, "who is she ?" time handing him three dollars). "It keeps out de dirty Irish !" The Conductor was obliged to acknowledge himself beat, and the Jew went on quietly eating his meal, while the passengers were bursting with laughter. By consulting the map of California, you will find "She!" said he, most earnestly; "she ain't a on the northern border the county of Siskiyon, the woman at all: she is soothing sirup!" OUR little Kitty went into the country the other day, and, greatly delighted with all she saw, found the culminating point of interest in watching, with hushed breath and dilated eyes, the mysterious process of milking. The darling was standing in alarming proximity to the cow's heels, but so rapt was she that her mother's remonstrances were unheard; repeated by the milker they at length attracted her attention. "Why," said Kitty, with innocent surprise, casting a glance over her shoulder at the cow, "this ain't the end that bites!" COLONEL TAMBLYN, commanding Fort Fletcher, Kansas, had an Irishman for orderly. On the 20th of January last two men, employés of Butterfield's Overland Dispatch Company, were killed near the fort by Indians. The day following the Colonel said to his orderly, "Give my compliments to the company commanders, and tell them to notify their companies that those two men who were killed by Indians yesterday will be buried this afternoon at two o'clock, and I would like to have as many as can make it convenient attend their funeral." The orderly accidentally found the company commanders together, and, touching his hat, delivered his message as follows: "The Colonel sends his compliments, and directs you to notify those two men that were killed by Indians that they will be buried this afternoon at two o'clock, and he would like to county town of which is Yreka. This town boasts of a bakery (as what town does not ?), the sign of of which "institution" bears the legend: YREKA BAKERY. Now spell the above from right to left, or, as most persons hereabout commence Harper, viz., at the "back end," and show me a more wonderful combination of letters from the English alphabet. A CORRESPONDENT writes: To show the intelligent manner in which the right of suffrage is executed by our adopted citizens from the "Gem of the Sea," I send you two little "notes" which came under my observation: At an election for city officials, one "Greek" was just leaving the polls when he was stopped by another with the question, "Moike, have yez woted?" "Fhat de ye say?-is it woted? Shure, me wote is far away toward Washington long befure this!" AT one of our State elections the Democratic ticket was ornamented with a huge spread eagle. Seeing an Irishman whom I used to employ, I asked him what ticket he voted, by saying, "Pat, who do you vote for?" "Faith, I donno, your Honor; but I wote the aigle burrd ticket!" AMOS K, a thriving hardware dealer in a certain village, known as a self-sharpener, who, whether in Wall Street among the brokers, in the oil regions, or elsewhere, holds his own-and all else he can honestly get hold of-had some costs in he looked at the clock. The door was in the side our county-clerk's office waiting his call. H. C. of the house, and it had been shown that the door G- -, an attorney, and T. P. W- cashier, both was locked at that hour. As the clock was behind inveterate wags, in some way found out the cost the door, it was difficult to understand how he could item, receipted for it to the clerk, and adjourned to see it through the keyhole. The counsel for the a place where the inner man could be comforted. prosecution therefore asked him how he could see After a round they sent for Amos K, and in- it. Closing one eye, giving a very knowing wink vited him to participate, which he did. After a with the other, and bending his finger at an anlittle fun the attorney and cashier called on refresh-gle, he said, with the utmost positiveness, "I look ments for two only, gravely informing K- that trankular at it!" the little interview was at his expense, and that they regretted the fact that the unexpended balance was too small to admit of a third person, except in the capacity of a looker-on!" In the fall of 1865 Marcus L. Ward was one of "Who was it?" he was asked. The FLATTERY is always dangerous; and as an illustration of that sober remark, the Drawer appends the following from Michigan: A gentleman in our neighborhood called on a very fine young lady, who was engaged at the time in making soap, but when she saw the gentleman coming left to make her toilet. In the mean time the young lady was inquired after. Her mother excused her, and told what she had been doing. In a few moments the young lady came into the room, nicely dressed, and ready to entertain her company. As she came in her mother said, "I have told Mr. G that you had been making soap, and would be in soon." The gentleman looked at her, and, wishing to compliment her on her beauty, said: "Soap! why you look as if you had never seen any soap!" UNCLE SAM receives some queer notes. Among them we quote a report made by a postmaster of F Illinois: F-Co ills. july 9 1857 Mr james Buckanin president of the United States Deer sir Been required by the instructions of the post office to report quarterly i know herewith foolfill that pleasin dooty by reportin as follows: The haryestin has been going on peerty and most of the nabors have got their cuttin about dun wheat is hardly a average crop on rollin lands corn is yallerish and wont turn out morn ten or fifteen booshels to the aker the helth of the communty is only tolerable meesils & cholery hav brok out about 2 and a half miles from here thair is a powerful awakenin on the subjec of religun in the potts naborhood miss nancy smith a neer nabor had twins day before yesterday one of them is a poor scraggy thing and wont liv half its day this is about all i have to report the present quarter giv my re spets to mrs Buckanin and subscribe myself yoors trooly p. m. at Fco. ills. In the quiet country village of L-lived young Tom Burton. He had an insufferable amount of vanity, and was continually prating about his adventures with men, beasts, and creeping things. To hear his own story he was the hero of a thousand bloody encounters. Jack Hood determined to put his courage to the test. Coming to him one afternoon, greatly agitated, Hood said, "Burton, a person has threatened to shoot me to-day, and I want to know whether I can rely on you for assist66 ance." Oh, certainly," pompously responded he. CALIFORNIA is noted for its gold mines, good"I will not see a hair of your head injured!" Prowines, and contributions to Harper's Drawer, among which are the following: Four or five years ago Timbuctoo, in Yuba County, was one of the most flourishing mining towns in the State, though it is now sadly on the decline. As is always the case in such places, a great number of the gallant sons of Erin were congregated, for the purpose of working the mines. One pair, in particular, were peculiarly given to dram-drinking, which sometimes before it was through would end in a rough-and-tumble fight. At length the loving Bridget concluded to have her darling Pat fined. Accordingly suit was commenced before Justice P. In testifying Bridget said she did not "sthrike" her devoted spouse at all. This was more than the impulsive Pat could bear-so, regardless of judge, jury, and every thing else, he cried out: "Yes! an' didn't you kake me with a gridiron ?" The effect can be better conceived than described. 1 SEVERAL years ago, in Nevada County, a murder case, which happened at the celebrated Allison Ranch mine, was on trial, in which the evidence was entirely circumstantial. During the trial, in accordance with an act of the Legislature, passed a short time before, a negro was called to the stand to testify. Among other things, he said he saw the prisoner at a certain cabin at nine o'clock. He was asked how he knew it was nine; and replied that ceeding down the street, arm in arm, according to the arrangement some one suddenly stepped from behind a building and commenced firing rapid shots at Hood. Burton thought it would be his turn next, and seeing his companion in arms fall, took "leg bail," and was soon out of all danger. As soon as he was fairly out of sight Hood coolly arose and concealed himself, to watch further developments. In the course of several hours Burton returned to town, and secking the hotel bar-room with woeful countenance, inquired when poor Hood was going to be buried! The roar of laughter that followed was perfectly stunning, and effectually cured him of his habit of boasting. IN December, 1864, when Gregg's cavalry division and the Fifth Corps were returning from the | raid on the Weldon Railroad, the enemy were following them up pretty close. Lieutenant Dennison's battery of light artillery were placed in position, and began to play upon the rebels with caseshot. Their store of that kind of ammunition running short, mounted orderlies were dispatched to the ammunition-wagons for a supply. An Irish artilleryman, when returning with one of those case-shot in his hand, was met by the provost marshal of the division, and asked what was that he was carrying. To which he replied: "Hard tack for the rebels, by iabers, Sir." NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE. No. CXCV.-AUGUST, 1866.-VOL. XXXIII. IN MORE CURIOUS HOMES. N the tropical regions insect life flourishes | smaller insects get into the inkstand and fill it as luxuriantly as the vegetation. There are with their tiny carcasses, while others run over. insects that bite and insects that suck, insects the paper and smear every letter as it is made. that scratch and insects that sting, and many There are great centipedes, which are legitithat are remarkable for giving out a most hor-mate cause of dread, being armed with poison rible odor. Some of them are cased in armor fangs scarcely less venomous than those of the as hard as crab-shells, and will endure almost any amount of violence; while some are as round, as plump, as thin-skinned, and as juicy as over-ripe gooseberries, and collapse almost with a touch. There are great flying insects which always make for the light, and unless it is defended by glass will either put it out, or will singe their wings and spin about on the table in a manner that is by no means agreeable. The viper. There are always plenty of scorpions; while the chief army is composed of cockroaches, of dimensions, appetite, and odor, such as we can hardly conceive in this favored land. As to the lizards, snakes, and other reptiles, they are so common as almost to escape attention. For a time these usurpers reign supreme. Now and then a few dozen are destroyed in a raid, or a person of sanguine temperament Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1866, by Harper and Brothers, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York. VOL. XXXIII.-No. 195.-T FORAGING ANTS. amuses his leisure hours, and improves his marksmanship by picking off the more prominent intruders with a saloon pistol; but the vacancies are soon filled up, and no permanent benefit is obtained. But there is one insect which, although often annoying, is also exceedingly useful; and its approach is welcomed by the inhabitants of tropical America, where it abounds. This is the Foraging Ant, which, though not more skillful than many other insects in constructing its home, is worthy of special notice. These ants sally forth in vast columns, at least a hundred yards in length, though not of very great width. When they make their appearance nothing withstands their assault; the inhabitants throw open every box and drawer in the house so as to allow the ants access into every crevice, and then retire from the premises. Presently the van-guard of the column approaches, a few scouts precede the general body, and seem to inspect the premises and ascertain whether they are worth a search. The long column then pours in and is soon dispersed over the house. The scene that then ensues is described as most singular. The ants penetrate into the corners, peer into each crevice, and speedily haul out any unfortunate creature that is lurking therein. Great cockroaches are dragged unwillingly away, being pulled in front by four or five ants, and pushed from behind by as many more. The rats and mice speedily succumb to the onslaught of their myriad foes, the snakes and lizards fare no better, and even the formidable weapons of the scorpion and centipede are overcome by their pertinacious foes. In a wonderfully short time the Foraging Ants have completed their work, the scene of turmoil gradually ceases, the scattered parties again form into line, and the procession moves out of the house, carrying its spoils in triumph. The raid is most complete, and when the inhabitants return to the house they find every intruder gone, and to their great comfort are enabled to move about without treading on some unpleasant creature, and to put on their shoes without previously knocking them against the floor for the purpose of shaking out the scorpions and similar visitors. In the illustration a column of Foraging Ants is seen winding its way through a wood. Every one who is accustomed to the country takes particular care not to cross one of these columns. The Foraging Ants are tetchy creatures, and not having the least notion of fear, are terrible enemies even to human beings. If a man should happen to cross a column the ants immediately dash at him, running up his legs, biting fiercely with their powerful jaws, and injecting poison into the wound. The only plan of action in such a case is to run away at top speed until the main body are too far off to renew the attack, and then to destroy the ants that are already in action. This is no easy task, for the fierce little insects drive their hooked mandibles so deeply into the flesh that they are generally removed piecemeal, the head retaining its hold after the body has been pulled away, and the mandibles clasped so tightly that they must be pinched from the head and detached separately. There seems to be scarcely a creature which these insects will not attack, and they will even go out of their way to fall upon the nests of the large and formidable wasps of that country. For the thousand stings the ants care not a jot, but tear away the substance of their nest with their powerful jaws, penetrate into the interior, break down the cells, and drag out the helpless young. Should they meet an adult wasp they fall upon it and cut it to pieces in a moment. The African Termite erects nests of vast size and stone-like solidity. The history of this insect is complicated and full of incident, so that many pages might be occupied in giving an account of them, and yet the subject be not exhausted. The illustration, however, will afford some idea of the form and size of their habitations. A full-sized nest of the African Termite is a wonderful structure. Although made merely of clay, the walls are nearly as hard as stone, and hunters are accustomed to mount upon them for the purpose of looking out for game, and the wild buffalo has a similar habit, the structure being strong enough even to sup |