This showed indeed an excessive bravery; but how would the commander have come off, if the speech had not succeeded, and the soldiers had taken him at his word? the project seems of a piece with Mr. Bays's in "The Rehearsal," who, to gain a clap in his prologue, comes out, with a terrible fellow in a fur-cap following him, and tells his audience if they would not like his play, he would lie down and have his head struck off. If this gained a clap, all was well; but if not, there was nothing left but for the executioner to do his office. But Casar would not leave the success of his speech to such uncertain events: he shows his men the unreasonableness of their fears in an obliging manner, and concludes, that if none else would march along with him he would go himself with the tenth legion, for he was assured of their fidelity and valour, though all the rest forsook him; not but that, in all probability, they were as much against the march as the rest. The result of all was very natural; the tenth legion, fired with the praises of their general, send thanks to him for the just opinion he entertains of them; and the rest, ashamed to be outdone, assure him, that they are as ready to follow where he pleases to lead them, as any other part of the army. No. 7. TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. I. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, ar dream, P. "IT is so just an observation, that mocking is catching, that I am become an unhappy instance of it, and am (in the same manner that I have represented Mr. Partridge*) myself a dying man, in comparison of the vigour with which I first set out in the world. Had it been otherwise, you may be sure I would not have pretended to have given for news, as I did last Saturday, a diary of the siege of Troy. But man is a creature very inconsistent with himself: the greatest heroes are sometimes fearful; the sprightliest wits at some hours dull; and the greatest politicians on some occasions whimsical. But I shall not pretend to palliate or excuse the matter; for I find, by a calculation of my own nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable wit longer than two minutes after twelve of the clock at night, between the eighteenth and nineteenth of the next month for which space of time you may still expect to hear from me, but no longer; except you will transmit to me the occurrences you meet with relating to your amours, or any other subject within the rules by which I have proposed "This man was a shoe-maker in Covent-garden in 1680, yet styled himself Physician to his Majesty, in 1682. But, though he was one of the sworn Physicians, he never attended the court, nor received any salary." to walk. If any gentleman or lady sends to Isaac Bickerstaff, esq. at Mr. Morphew's near Stationers-hall, by the penny-post, the grief or joy of their soul, what they think fit of the matter shall be related in colours as much to their advantage, as those in which Gervas* has drawn the agreeable Chloe. But since, without such assistance, I frankly confess, and am sensible, that I have not a month's wit more, I think I ought while I am in my sound health and senses, to make my will and testament; which I do in manner and form following: Imprimis, I give to the stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a security for the trusts daily reposed in them, all my real estate; which I do hereby vest in the said body of worthy citizens for ever. Item, Forasmuch as it is very hard to keep land în repair without ready cash, I do, out of my personal estate, bestow the bear-skin,t which I have frequently lent to several societies about this town, to supply their necessities; I say, I give also the said bear-skin as an immediate fund to the said citizens for ever. Item, I do hereby appoint a certain number of the said citizens to take all the custom-house or customary oaths concerning all goods imported by the whole city; strictly directing that some * Jervas. † Stock-jobbers, who contract for a transfer of stock which they do not possess, are called sellers of bear-skins; and universally whoever sells what he does not possess is said proverbially to sell the bear's skin while the bear runs in the woods. In the language of Exchange-alley, Bears signify those who buy stock which they cannot receive, or who sell stock which they have not. Those who pay money for what they purchase, or who sell stock which they really have, are calTed Bulls. select members, and not the whole number of a body corporate, should be perjured. Item, I forbid all ns and persons of qty to watch bargains near and about the Exchange, to the diminution and wrong of the said stockjobbers. Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a manner as any will can appear, until it is explained by the learned, I have disposed of my real and personal estate but, as I am an Adept, I have by birth an equal right to give also an indefeasible title to my endowments and qualifications, which I do in the following manner: Item, I give my chastity to all virgins who have withstood their market. Item, I give my courage among all who are ashamed of their distressed friends, all sneakers in assemblies, and men who show valour in common conversation. Item, I give my wit (as rich men give to the rich) among such as think they have enough already. And in case they shall not accept of the legacy, I give it to Bentivolio* to defend his works from time to time, as he shall think fit to publish them. Item, I bestow my learning upon the honorary members of the Royal Society. Now for the disposal of this body. As these eyes must one day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this heart shall one day pant no more for her indignation: that is to say, since this body must be earth; I shall commit it to the dust in a manner suitable to my character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute whether there is any such real person as Isaac Bickerstaff or not; I shall excuse all persons who ap * Dr. Richard Bentley. pear what they really are, from coming to my funeral. But all those who are, in their way of life, persone,* as the Latins have it, persons assumed, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that solemnity. The body shall be carried by six watchmen, who are never seen in the day. Item, The pall shall be held by the six most known pretenders to honesty, wealth, and power, who are not possessed of any of them. The two first, a half lawyer, and a complete justice. The two next a chymist, and a projector. The third couple, a treasury-solicitor, and a small courtier. To make my funeral (what that solemnity, when done to common men, really is in itself) a very farce, and since all mourners are mere actors on these occasions, I shall desire those who are professedly such to attend mine. I humbly, therefore, beseech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my widow. When she swoons away at the church-porch, I appoint the merry John Falstaff, and the gay Sr Harry Wildair, to support her. I desire Mr. Pinkethman to follow in the habit of a Cardinal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a privy-counsellor. To make up the rest of the appearance, I desire all the ladies from the balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be wives and widows themselves. I invite all, who have nothing else to do, to accept of gloves and scarves. Thus, with the great Charles V. of Spain, I resign the glories of this transitory world: Yet, at the same time, to show you my indifference, and that my desires are not too much fixed upon any thing, I own to you, I am as willing to stay as to * Masks. |