fay much to the defamation and difgrace of your family. as, that your relations Distaff and Broomftaff were both inconfiderable mean perfons, one fpinning, the other fweeping the streets, for their daily bread. But I forbear to vent my fpleen on objects fo much beneath my indignation. I fhall only give the world a catalogue of my ancestors, and leave them to determine which hath hitherto had, and which for the future ought to have, the preference.

Firft then comes the most famous and popular lady Meretrix, parent of the fertile family of Bellatrix, Lotrix, Netrix, Nutrix, Obstetrix, Famulatrix, Coctrix, Ornatrix, Sarcinatrix, Fextrix, Balneatrix, Portatrix, Saltatrix, Divinatrix, Conjectrix, Comtrix, Debitrix, Creditrix, Donatrix, Ambulatrix, Mercatrix, Adsectrix, Affectatrix, Palpatrix, Præceptrix, Pistrix.

St. James's Coffee-houfe, June 29.

LETTERS from Bruffels of the fecond of July, N. S. fay, that the duke of Marlborough and prince Eugene, having received advice that the marshal Villars had drawn a confiderable body out of the garrifon of Tournay, to reinforce his army, marched towards that place, and came before it early in the morning of the twenty-feventh. As foon as they came into that ground, the prince of Naffau was fent with a strong detachment to take post at St. Amand; and at the fame time my lord Orkney received orders to poffefs himself of Mortagne; both which were fuccefsfully executed; whereby we are mafters of the Scheld and the Scarp. Eight men were drawn out of each troop of dragoons and company of foot in the garrifon of Tournay, to make up the reinforcement which was ordered to join marshal Villars; but upon advice that the allies were marching towards Tournay, they endeavoured to return into the town, but were intercepted by the earl of Orkney, by whom the whole body was killed

of

or taken. These letters add, that twelve hundred dragoons (each horfeman carrying a foot-foldier behind him) were detached from Mons to throw themselves into Tournay, but upon appearance of a great body of horse of the allies, retired towards Conde. We hear that the garrifon does not confift of more than three thousand five hun

dred men. Of the fixty battalions defigned to be em ployed in this fiege, feven are English, viz. two of guards, and the regiments of Argyle, Temple, Evans, and Meredith.

No. 36. SATURDAY, JULY 2, 1709.

By Mrs. Jenny Distaff, Half-Sifter to Mr. Bickerstaff.

From my own Apartment, June 30.

MANY affairs calling my brother into the country, the care of our intelligence with the town is left to me for fome time; therefore you must expect the advices you meet with in this paper, to be fuch as more immediately and naturally fall under the consideration of our fex. Hiftory therefore written by a woman, you will eafily imagine to confift of love in all its forms, both in the abufe of, and obedience to that paffion. As to the faculty of writing itself, it will not, it is hoped, be demanded that ftyle and ornament shall be so much confulted, as truth and fimplicity; which latter qualities we may more justly pretend to beyond the other fex. While therefore the administration of our affairs is in my hands, you fhall from time to time have an exact account of all falfe lovers, and their fhallow pretences for breaking off; of all termagant wives who make wedlock a yoke; of men who affect the entertainments and manners fuitable only to our fex, and women who pretend to the conduct of such affairs as are only within the province of men. It is neceffary

8

further

1

further to advertise the reader, that the usual places of refort being utterly out of my province or obfervation, I fhall be obliged frequently to change the dates of places, as occurrences come into my way. The following letter 1 lately received from Epfom,

Epfom, June 28.

It is now almost three weeks fince what you writ about happened in this place: the quarrel between my friends did not run fo high as I find your accounts have made it. The truth of the fact you fhall have very faithfully. You are to understand, that the perfons concerned in this feene, were lady Autumn, and lady Springly: Autumn is a perfon of good breeding, formality, and a fingular way practised in the last age; and lady Springly,' a modern impertinent of our fex, who affects as improper a familiarity, as the other does diftance. Lady Autumn knows to an hair's breadth where her place is in all affemblies and converfations; but Springly neither gives nor takes place of any body, but understands the place to fignify no more, than to have room enough to be at eafe wherever he comes. Thus while Autumn takes the whole of this life to confift in underftanding punctilio and decorum, Springly takes every thing to be becoming, which contributes to her ease and fatisfaction. Thefe heroines have married two brothers, both knights. Springly is the fpoufe of the elder, who is a baronet; and Autumn, being a rich widow, has taken the younger, and her purfe endowed him with an equal fortune, and knighthood of the fame order. This jumble of titles, you need not doubt, has been an aching torment to Autumn, who took place of the other on no pretence, but her careleffnefs and difregard of diftinction. The fecret occafion of envy broiled long in the breaft of Autumn; but no opportunity of contention on that fubject happening, .kept all things quiet until the accident of which you demand an

account.

It was given out among all the gay people of this place, that on the ninth inftant feveral damfels, fwift of foot, were to run for a fuit of head-clothes at the Old

Wells

Wells. Lady Autumn on this occafion invited Springly to go with her in her coach to fee the race. When they came to the place, where the governor of Epfom, and all his court of citizens were affembled, as well as a crowd of people of all orders, a brifk young fellow addreffes himself to the younger of the ladies, viz. Springly, and offers her his fervice to conduct her into the mufic-room. Springly accepts the compliment, and is led triumphantly through a bowing crowd, while Autumn is left among the rabble, and has much ado to get back into her coach; but fhe did it at laft; and as it is ufual to fee by the horses my lady's prefent difpofition, the orders John to whip furioufly home to her hufband; where, when she enters, down the fits, began to unpin her hood, and lament her foolish fond heart, to marry into a family where fhe was fo little regarded; fhe that might Here the ftops; then rifes up, and ftamps, and fits down again. Her gentle knight made his approach with a fupple befeeching gefture. My dear, faid he Tell me no dears, replied Autumn,-in the prefence of the governor and all the merchants- -What will the world fay of a woman that has thrown herself away at this rate? Sir Thomas withdrew, and knew it would not be long a fecret to him; as well as that experience told him, he that marries a fortune is of course guilty of all faults against his wife, let them be committed by whom they will. But Springly, an hour or two after, returns from the Wells, and finds the whole company together. Down she fat, and a profound filence enfued. You know a premeditated quarrel ufually begins and works up with the words, Some people.' The filence was broken by lady Autumn, who began to fay, There are fome people who fancy, that if fome people- Springly immediately takes her up, There are fome people who fancy, if other people- Autumn repartees, People may give themfelves airs; but other people, perhaps, who make lefs ado, may be, perhaps, as agreeable as people who fet themselves out more. All the other people at the table fat mute, while these two people, who were quarreling, went on with the ufe of the word people, inftancing the very accidents between them, as if

they

they kept only in diftant hints. Therefore, fays Autumn, reddening, there are fome people will go abroad in other peoples coaches, and leave thofe with whom they went to fhift for themselves: and if, perhaps, thofe people have married the younger brother; yet, perhaps, he may be beholden to thofe people for what he is. Springly fmartly answers, People may bring fo much ill-humour into a family, as people may repent their receiving their money; and goes onEvery body is not confiderable enough to give her uneafinefs. Upon this Autumn comes up to her, and defired her to kiss her, and never to fee her again; which her fifter refufing, my lady gave her a box on the ear.Springly returns; Ay, ay, faid she, I knew well enough you meant me by your fome people; and gives her another on the other fide. To it they went with moft mafculine fury; each husband ran in The wives immediately fell upon their husbands, and tore periwigs and cravats. The company interpofed; when (according to the flip-knot of matrimony, which makes them return to one another when any put in between) the ladies and their husbands fell upon all the rest of the company; and having beat all their friends and relations. out of the house, came to themfelves time enough to know, there was no bearing the jett of the place after these adventures, and therefore marched off the next day. It is faid, the governor has fent feveral joints of mutton, and he proposed divers dishes very exquifitely dreffed, to bring them down again. From his addrefs and knowledge in roaft and boiled, all our hopes of the return of this good company depend.