But if I myself now see sin in my past life, what must God see! The words of St. John come to my mind, "If our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things" (1 John iii. 20). My heart does now condemn me; yet even now I do not see sin as God sees it, and I do not know myself as He knows me. Every secret motive that influenced me, all the pride and vanity I felt, my folly, my selfishness, my ill-nature, my covetousness, and all the various faults and sins I now call to mind with shame and sorrow, God saw and knew when I did not notice them, or thought nothing of them; and now, when I have some sense of them, God sees and knows them, and the evil of them, far, far more deeply than I do. I am not my own judge; He is my Judge, and I am verily guilty before Him.

"If Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, if Thou shouldest be extreme to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, who shall stand; O Lord, who may abide it? But there is forgiveness with Thee; there is mercy with Thee; that Thou mayest be feared (Psalm

cxxx. 3, 4). O Lord my God, it is to Thy mercy alone that I look; it is Thy forgiveness that I seek. There is forgiveness with Thee, in Christ Jesus, my Saviour. He died for sinners, and I am a sinner; He shed His precious blood to wash away their guilt and make their peace, and my guilt lies heavy upon me, and I desire pardon and peace, and I humbly look to Thee through Him. "There is forgiveness with Thee; oh, grant me Thy forgiveness for Christ's sake; forgive me for all the past; forgive me fully; forgive me now.

Then, O my God, will I fear Thee. Not with a slavish dread, but with a humble and loving reverence, and a dutiful regard to Thy holy will. By Thy grace-for without Thee I can do nothing-by Thy grace, I will walk in Thy ways, as one on whom Thou hast had mercy, whom Thou hast forgiven. I will never again think lightly of sin. to set Thee always before me.

I will strive

I will try to live always as in Thy sight. I will watch and pray; I will keep close to Thee in my daily walk; I will love Thee; I will seek my happiness in serving Thee; I will

But stop! I will make no more promises or resolutions. Lord, I turn to Thee, and to Thee alone do I look for grace and guidance and strength; give me Thy Holy Spirit ; confirm me in every good purpose and desire ; uphold me, that my footsteps slip not. Yet Thou knowest that I do now desire henceforth to love and serve Thee; and Thou dost not despise my faint and feeble wishes and purposes. Weak as they are, they come from Thee; do Thou Thyself bring them to good effect. For Christ's sake, "Lord, hear my voice; let Thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications."

CHAPTER XXXVI.

THE ONLY HELPER.

"Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence."-Psalm xciv. 17.

WHILE I lie on my bed, many words of the Bible come to my mind, and none more often than words from the Psalms. So many of the Psalms seem to meet my case exactly; and now the well-known words, which are so familiar to me, and which I have so often joined in repeating in church, come to me with fresh meaning and speak to me with a new voice.

For instance these, "Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence," or "had soon dwelt in silence;" that is, in the silence of the grave. The Psalmist had been in danger from

his enemies, evil-doers," "workers of iniquity;" and there had been none to stand up for him against them; but the Lord had been his help, and delivered him. But for that, his enemies would have destroyed him.

I have no enemies that I know of: my danger has been of another kind. I have been very ill, even at death's door; but now I am better, and they tell me the danger is past. All was done for me that could be done, but I know well Who it is that has brought me round. God Himself has been my helper, He has preserved my life. All seemed to be going against me; I felt myself getting worse; my strength was gone; I seemed sinking; had it not been for the Lord, my soul, my life, would soon have been in silence. But my God graciously interposed. "When I said, My foot slippeth; Thy mercy, O Lord, held me up." A turn for the better came; He sent it. I believe that all about me were surprised, and already they begin to talk about my "wonderful recovery; but God does many Thanks be to His holy name!

such wonders.