The Riga Balsam is the wonder of the day : "N. B. The trial of the described Balsam is this: Take a Hen or a Ram, drive a Nail through its Scull, Brains, and Tongue, then pour some of it into the Wound, it will directly stop the Blood, and cure the Wound in eight or nine Minutes, and the Creature will eat as before." "A Stoop costs two Rixdollars, and it is sold in smaller portions; at the Sale every person gets a Direction which describes its surprising Virtues, and how it is to be used. The Glasses, Jars, and Bottles, are sealed up with this seal (A. K. Balsam) to prevent counterfeits. "Ecclesiasticus, Chap. xxxiii. Ver. 4. The Lord hath created Medicines out of the earth, and he that is wise will not abhor them." The Carlton Club is naturally associated in the minds of the public with aristocratic habits and their consequences, which, it seems, have descended even to the domestics. From an advertisement in the Times," headed "Carlton Club, Piccadilly," we learn that Mr. Newton, the head waiter, has been cured of gout by Beach's Herb Draught. Unfortunately, the Carlton Club is located in Pall-Mall, and only separated from the Reform Club by a small opening, which the wits say is left for the Whigs. Dr. Morison's Pills are indebted to their inherent virtue, or accidental circumstances for their celebrity. Amongst one or both of these causes must be ranked the death of the inventor, who died a martyr to his own fame. When the cases, necessarily rare, in which his pills had failed, were mentioned, he invariably said that the patients wanted faith, and should have gone on taking them till they got well. In his last illness his practice corresponded with his theory; he rejected all other medicine, took more pills as he grew worse, and was in the very act of calling for a fresh box when he expired. These celebrated pills are a composition of gambouge. The late Dr. Broden confessed to a friend that his were composed principally of bread; yet wonderful cures are recorded of them, and, as he sagaciously observed, they could do no harm. Mr. Rowland holds a deservedly high rank amongst the purveyors for the toilette table. His Kalydor for preserving the complexion, and his Macassar Oil for the Hair, command an extensive sale, and form the subject-matter of an endless variety of advertisements, remarkable for the confident tone of conscious superiority, and the seducing expectations they hold out. Where is the lady who would not wish her com There are other advantages. "A whimsical occurrence (thus runs a paragraph) took place a short time since. A person had a writ out against him; he escaped John Doe and Richard Roe by having made use of Rowland's Essence of Tyre. The bailiffs passed him, and one said to his comrade, 'That's the man.' 'Why, you fool, (rejoined the other,) that gemman has black hair, and you know Mr. has gray.' This is one among the thousand instances of the beneficial effects of Rowland's Essence of Tyre, in changing the colors of the hair." The best puff for the Macassar Oil was an experiment tried by the late Joseph Grimaldi upon the stage, who, with the aid of one double bottle, turned a deal box into a hair-trunk; though even this was equalled, if not exceeded, by the first vender of Bear's Grease, who cautioned his customers to wash their hands in warm water after using it, to prevent them from assuming the hirsute appearance of a paw. Perhaps this was the enthusiastic tradesman mentioned by Mr. Samuel Weller in "Master Humphrey's Clock" "His whole delight was in his trade. He spent all his money in bears, and run in debt for 'em besides, and there they wos a growling away down in the front cellar all day long, and inerfectually gnashing their teeth, vile the grease o their relations and friends wos being retailed in winder wos ornamented with their heads; not to gallipots in the shop above, and the first floor speak o' the dreadful aggravation it must have been to 'em to see a man always a walkin' up and down the pavement outside, with the portrait of a bear in his last agonies, and underneath, in large letters, 'Another fine animal was slaughtered yesterday at Jenkinson's! Hows'till he was took very ill with some inward disor ever, there they wos, and there Jenkinson wos, der, lost the use of his legs, and wos confined to his bed, vere he laid a wery long time; but sich was his pride in his profession even then, that wenever he wos worse than usual the Doctor used to go down stairs and say, 'Jenkinson's wery low this mornin'; we must give the bears a stir; and as sure as ever they stirred 'em up a bit, and made 'em roar, Jenkinson opens his eyes, if he wos ever so bad, calls out, "There's the bears!" and rewives agin." He died immediately after requesting to hear the voice of the greasiest bear, in a state of religious belief resembling that of Goldsmith's Indian "And thinks, admitted to that equal sky, His faithful bear will bear him company." There is now, however, hardly a perfumer to be found who does not boast himself the inventor of some hair-reviving grease or other; and a Mrs. Harden, in particular, holds out an inducement which can hardly fail of attracting visitors "PATRONIZED by the COURT and NOBILITY.A PREPARATION for CHANGING RED or GRAY HAIR to a beautiful black, brown, or light brown, which far surpasses any now in use; can be used without the tedious and unpleasant process of brushing it out, permanent in its effects, and free from the disagreeableness of rubbing off on the hands, caps, &c. Sold with every direction for use, at 10s. 6d. and 7s. 6d. per bottle. The dye supplied by Mrs. HARDEN, and the effect seen on her own hair, at her private residence, 66 Newman Street, Oxford Street; or at ladies' own residences if preferred." to me in this way, Mrs. Squallop?" said Tit- "I'll tell you what, Mr. Himperance!' furiously exclaimed Mrs. Squallop, you're a liar! And you deserve what you've got! It is a judgthat sauce, you vulgar fellow! (snapping her ment, and I hope it will stick by you--so take fingers at him.) Get rid of your green hair if you can. It's only carrot-tops instead of carrotroots, and some folks like one, some t'otherha, ha!" Poor Titmouse hurries off to the curlyhaired shopman for consolation, who coolly assures him that his hair is simply in a transitive state, and that he has only to persevere. "One lady gave me a picture of herself in her black hair, to make up for abuse of me when it was in a puce color-facthonor." Titmouse invests an additional three-and-sixpence in "Damascus Cream," and turns his hair purple. This, the shopman assures him, is the middle color between green and black, and, with the aid of a third filtre, the desired effect will be produced within two days: This sounds fair enough; but the fate of Mr. Titmouse, the hero of "Ten Thousand a-Year," holds out a warning which it were infatuation to neglect. As the passage in question is one of the cleverest in the book, and admirably adapted to throw light on the subject, it may be advisable to extract a part of it. Mr. Titmouse enters a well-known shop in Bond Street, where he finds a gentleman with redundant locks of raven black sitting behind the counter. "You'll find the fullest directions within, and testimoni-breath away—" "But it will do something in a night's timeeh!-surely?" "I should think so! But here it is-called the Tetaragmenon Abracadabra." "What a name!' exclaimed Titmouse, with a kind of awe. "Pon honor it almost takes one's "It will do more, sir; it will take your red als from the highest nobility of the wonder- hair away! By the way, only the day before ful efficacy of the Cyanochaitanthropopoion."* yesterday, a lady of high rank, (between ourHe hastened home with the inestimable selves, Lady Caroline Carrot,) whose red hair fluid, rubbed it into his hair, eyebrows, and always seemed as if it would have set her bonnet whiskers, for half an hour, and went to bed. in a blaze-ha! ha!-came here, after two days' When he woke the next morning, his first use of the Cyanochaitanthropopoion, and one day's use of this Tetaragmenon Abracadabra --and movement was to spring breathlessly to his asked me if I knew her. Upon my soul I did not, little glass, which revealed to him the as- till she solemnly assured me she was really Lady tounding fact, that hair, eyebrows, and Caroline!"' whiskers, had turned green. The interview with his landlady, the first witness of his misery, is inimitable in its way Stop at home a bit, and be quiet, it may go off with all this washing, in the course of the day. Soft soap is an uncommon strong thing for getting colors out-but-a--a--excuse me, Mr. Titmouse--why was n't you satisfied with the hair God Almighty had given you? D'ye think he didn't know a deal better than you what was best for you? I am blest if I don't think this is a judgment on you.' "What's the use of your standing preaching The use of unintelligible Greek compounds for advertising purposes is a curious fact in the history of language, and can only be accounted for on the omne ignolum pro magnifico principle. He tries it on his eyebrows and whiskers, and they become as white as snow. It is beside our purpose to go on with the history of the outside or the inside of this gentleman's head; but we earnestly recommend it to all who may feel induced to try any similar description of experiment. Even "the chemical Balm of Columbia" should be used with caution, notwithstanding the solemn assurance of the proprietors. It runs thus "Copies of certificates from gentlemen in England, America, &c., who, after being bald a number of years, have received a new growth of hair, will be shown by the proprietor, and by all venders. The signers' characters are supported by his Britannic Majesty's Consul, Philadelphia, Raccahout, kept precedence of the other who thereto has prefixed his seal, and the royal fourteen till it was gone, and one clear arms of Great Britain; also the Mayor and the month afterwards. Magistrates, who are personally acquainted with the signers, certified to their high respectability, and have likewise annexed their seals, with the arms of Philadelphia. "Patronized by the British Peers. One bottle, price 3s. 6d., will prevent the hair from falling off in forty-eight hours from its first application. A bottle, price 6s., not only stops the hairs from falling off, but likewise in three weeks causes a new growth to appear; and one bottle, price 11., gives a good head of hair to a young person." According to this ratio, a bald man has only to buy a twenty-two or thirty-three shilling bottle, and he might grow hair for sale. Henry Heine tells a story of a chambermaid, who, having remarked that her mistress possessed an elixir, which restored. youth, took advantage of her absence to try it, and drank so much that she not only be came young again, but was changed into a little girl. The secret of this elixir must be lost, as we hear nothing of it; but this hint may be useful to the enterprising. The next best thing to securing beauty for ourselves, is to secure it for our children, and the means are fortunately within our power:-"Ladies desirous of ensuring beauty to their children, may receive adequate instructions by addressing (post-paid) late Dr. William Henderson, 13, Spring letters to Mrs. Henderson, widow of the Street, Montague Square, London." It is generally thought genteel and interesting to be slim. Lord Byron lived days together on biscuit and soda water to escape the disgrace of obesity-a regimen occasionally embarrassing enough to his acquaintance; witness the reconciliation din- Auctioneers have a prescriptive claim to ner between himself and Mr. Moore at Mr. a little harmless exaggeration; and their adRogers'. "Neither meat, fish, nor wine," vertisements are models of the Irish or says Mr. Moore, "would he touch; and of flowery style of composition. Mr. George biscuits and soda water, which he asked for, Robins takes a high rank amongst them; there had been unluckily no provision. He yet even he must yield the palm to Mr. professed, however, to be equally well pleas- Christie, of hanging-wood notoriety. To ed with potatoes and vinegar; and of these his eloquence we are indebted for one of meagre materials contrived to make a hear the late Lord Erskine's cleverest speeches, ty dinner." The ladies submit to still more made on behalf of a client who had purchasgalling privations; and Mrs. Pursy, in the ed a farm on the faith of Mr. Christie's School for Scandal, is hardly a caricature: description; in which an extensive lawn, -"Yes, I'm told she absolutely lives upon a commanding situation, a view of the acids and small whey, laces herself with Needles, and a billiard-room, were menpullies; often in the hottest day of summer, you will see her on a little squat pony with her hair plaited and turned up like a drummer, and away she goes, puffing round the ring at full trot." tioned : "To show you, gentlemen, how egregiously my client has been deceived by the defendant's rhetoric, I will tell you what this exquisite and enchanting place actually turned out to be, when All this trouble may now be saved by tak- my client-who had paid the deposit on the faith ing a wine-glass of "The Imperial Ethereal- of Mr. Christie's advertisement—went down, in izing Syrup" every morning, which "con-paradise. When he got there, nothing was found the fond anticipations of his heart, to this earthly fers the figure of a sylph within a fortnight, to correspond to what he had too unwarily exwithout affecting the health or endangering pected. There was a house, to be sure, and that the constitution.” is all; for it was nodding to its fall, and the very rats instinctively had quitted it. It stood, it is true, in a commanding situation; for it commanded all the winds and rains of heaven. As for lawn, he could find nothing that deserved the name; unless it was a small yard, in which, with some contrivance, a washerwoman might hang half-a-dozen shirts. There was, however, a dirty lane that ran close to it; and, perhaps, Mr. Christie may contend that it was an error of the press, and therefore, for "lawn," we must read "lane." But where is the billiard-room? exclaimed the plaintiff, in the agony of disappointment. last he was conducted to a room in the attic, the ceiling of which was so low that a man could not stand upright in it; and therefore must, per force, put himself into the posture of a billiard-player. Seeing this, Mr. Christie, by the magic of his The Raccahout des Arabes is a French discovery or importation, for the prevention or cure of leanness, to which the women of Paris are more prone than to obesity. It is the preparation on which the Dey of Algiers fattened his Harem, and is held in high esteem throughout the East. An English traveller, Captain Harris we think, mentioned a country in the interior of Africa, where the wives of the sovereign, fifteen in number, were weighed once a month and took rank accordingly. This statement has been turned to good account; for an advertisement states that one of them, having accidentally become possessed of a stock of At eloquence, converted the place into a billiard-ful, were the stage open to the productions for room. But the fine view of the Needles, gentlemen, where was it? No such thing was to be seen; and my poor client might as well have looked for a needle in a bottle of hay." The result proved that it is useless to snatch a grace beyond the reach of art, unless it be also beyond the reach of law. It is a humiliating confession to make, but Authors undoubtedly come next; and we are by no means sure that they would not take precedence of even quack-doctors and auctioneers, if the amount of charlatanry were estimated by either the money or ingenuity expended on it. It is considered hardly worth a publisher's while to publish a cheap or single-volume book, since forty or fifty pounds must be laid out in advertisements to give any publication a chance. Large sums also are frequently paid for paragraphs, which most of the newspapers insert for about a third more than the price of the ordinary and avowed advertisement. When an author has succeeded in getting a few favorable opinions from the press, whether purchased in this manner, procured by favor, or spontaneously afforded, he puts forth an advertisement like the following:* which Mr. Stephens's genius is so well adapt- 'It is 'We Mr. Stephens evidently differs from the author of the " Rivals," who thought that an accumulation of indorsements rather tended to throw a doubt upon the Bill. It is observable that he has made ample use of the rejection of his play and the high au"In octavo, handsomely bound, thority of Mr. Macready, who has unac "GEORGE STEPHEN'S DRAMATIC POEM, the countably suffered two seasons to pass away HUNGARIAN DAUGHTER. By the Author of the since he became manager without bringing Tragedies of Gertrude and Beatrice, the Vam"The Hungarian Daughter" upon the stage pire, Montezuma, the Patriot, &c. 'We are confident it would have eminent success on the -a circumstance well worthy the attention stage.'-Salopian Journal. Would, we doubt of Mr. Stephens, and proper to be noticed in not, be popular on the stage.'-United Service his next preface. The edition of "The Iron Gazette. Effective situations. If well acted, Chest" in which the late John Philip Kemit could not fail of success.'-New Bell's Messen-ble is attacked, went off with unprecedented ger. Worthy of the stage in its best days.rapidity, The Courier. Greatly to be regretted that there rapidity, and book-collectors are now giving is not a fair field for the representation of such four times the original price for copies. plays as this.'-Conservative Journal. If performed, would confirm and establish Mr. Stephens's fame, and hand it down to posterity.' Liverpool Mail. 'The plot is deeply interesting.' Hereford Journal. 'We are satisfied, if it were acted, it would be considered one of the most intensely interesting of our stock plays. Liverpool Standard. A few practised play wrights exclusively possess the ears of managers. This play was rejected, not on account of deficient merit, but because there was no likelihood of an opening.'-Gloucester Chronicle. 'We When Mr. Stephens succeeds in getting his play upon the stage, we recommend him to imitate the late Dr. Valpy's method of attracting an audience— "Lord Whitworth has a curious conversation Chief Consul, and in which the latter, it is said, to relate, which passed between himself and the repeatedly expressed his determination to invade this country. Dr. Valpy's alteration of King John,' or England invaded,' shortly to be exhibited at Covent-Garden, contains several highregret that the condensation of this drama, whichly poetical and animated passages, which will afreceived the most flattering recommendation of ford the public an opportunity of expressing the Mr. Macready, has not been permitted to delight indignation and contempt which this menace of an English audience.'-Cambridge Chronicle. Bonaparte must excite in the breast of every The character, powerfully delineated by Englishman.” George Stephens, yields to no character produced on the modern stage. The story is well conceived, highly wrought, and related in the warm earnest language of true poetry.-The Courier. "We have no doubt that it would prove success*Times, March 2, 1841. Surely there must be passages in the "Hungarian Daughter," or indeed in every judiciously composed play, which might af ford an audience an opportunity of expressing every sort of sentiment that might be popular at the time. ter, who was not the man to be put down in this manner. He took care that the matter should be mentioned to the Queen herself, who instantly caused her acceptance of the offer to be notified in the most complimentary and gracious terms. What Sir Lucius O'Trigger calls "a rather slightingly declined by an officer of pretty quarrel" is always an assistance to a the Household, evidently unacquainted with book; so is a prosecution, or an execution. the works, claims, or reputation of the wriFor example, an officer of rank was tried for alleged disobedience of orders, and acquitted. He ordered three thousand copies of his trial to be printed, fifty to be distributed amongst his friends. At the end of a few months, being in want of cash, he went to settle with his booksellers. The account was very simple. Debtor-the cost of paper, printing, and advertising. Creditor fifty copies given away; sixteen sold; 2934 on hand, and ready to be delivered to the author. Why, how can this be," he exclaimed, "when five editions of Byng's trial were sold in a fortnight?" "Very true, sir, but the Admiral was shot." 66 As an author may naturally wish to enjoy his immortality, it will hardly answer to get shot or hanged in striving for it; but a little persecution might be endured. The author of some satirical verses on the Chancellor Maupeon, in 1775, wrote as follows from England, where he had been compelled to take refuge "MY LORD-I have never wished for more than 3000 francs a year; my first song, which displeased you so much, has gained me-simply because it displeased you-a capital of 30,000 francs, which, placed out at five per cent., makes half of my sum. Pray, show the same resentment against the new satire I send you; this will complete the revenue to which I aspire, and I promise you I will write no more." It is generally thought that authors have gained in respectability since they ceased to depend on patrons, and looked solely to the public for support. The gain is extremely problematical when so many are found resorting to the most shameless arts of puffery; and the practice of begging subscriptions is nearly as rife as ever. "He for subscribers baits his hook, And takes your cash, but where's the book? But what, to move our private ends, The Puff collusive, as described in the "Critic," has been constantly employed, of late, to aid the sale of fashionable Novels and Memoirs, like those attributed to Lady Charlotte Bury. "The Puff collusive is the newest of any; for it acts in the disguise of determined hostility. It is much used by bold booksellers and enterprising poets. An indignant correspondent observes that the new poem called Beelzebub's Cotillion,or unjustifiable performances he ever read! The seProserpina's Fête-Champêtre, is one of the most verity with which certain characters are handled is quite shocking! And, as there are many descriptions in it too warmly colored for female delicacy, the shameful avidity with which this piece is bought by all people of fashion is a reproach on the taste of the times, and a disgrace to the delicacy of the age! Here you see the two strongest inducements are held forth; first, that nobody ought to read it; and secondly, that every body uses it; on the strength of which the publisher boldly prints the tenth edition before he had sold off the first, and then establishes it by threatening himself with the pillory, or absolutely inditing himself for scan. mag.' We cannot quit this branch of the subject without alluding to the extraordinary device hit upon by De Foe, to assist the sale of a book which had fallen still-born from the press. With this view, he published a pamphlet entitled, "The True History of the Apparition of one Mrs. Veal, the next day after her death, to me, Mrs. Bargrave, at Canterbury, the 8th day of September 1705, which Apparition recommends the perusal of Drelincourt's Book of Consolation against the Fears of Death." He contrived to give such an air of reality to the narrative, that it was universally believed; and a dead person's opinion of a book on death being deemed infallible, the whole impression was rapidly sold off. It is also not uncommon to find the Court The advertisements of north-country Circular announcing the presentation of Mr. schools were amusing documents until the So-and-So, to deliver a copy of his book; public became familiar with Do-the-boys' and the number of publications forwarded Hall and Mr. Squeers; since which they to her Majesty and Prince Albert has been have become diminished in numbers and so great, that orders have been given to re-moderated in tone. The following was ceive none. The author of the "Pleasures probably concocted before Nicholas Nickof Hope," not being aware of the regulation, and actuated by a genuine spirit of loyalty, wrote a note proposing to present a copy of the last edition of his works. The offer was elby— "TO YOUNG WOMEN.-Wanted, in a genteel private Seminary for young gentlemen, a young person of respectability, fully competent to the |