"Ah! ab suspicionless of smart,

And seeking in your charms relief, Your eye, cataceous, stole my heart. Stop thief! stop thief! stop thief! stop thief!" Katy. Oh, heavens! desist; it is too exquisite.

Mirchioness. Did you notice the commencement-"Ah! ah!" There is something fine in that "Ah! ah!"-as if a man suddenly thought of something-"Ah! ah!" Surprise -Ah! ah!"

Becky. Yes, I think the "Ah! ah!" admirable.

Katy. I should rather have made that "Ah! ah!" thaa Paradise Lost.

Marchioness. You have the true taste, ! see.

Katy and Becky. Our taste is not the most corrupt.

Marchioness. But did you not also admire "suspicionless of smart!"-innocent. you understand, as a sheep--not aware of danger; and seeking in your charms reliel expecting, you understand, that I should smile him into life. "Your eye, cataceous :" what do you think of the word catuceous? was it not well choseu?

Katy. Perfectly expressive

Becky. Cataceous, that is, slyly, like a cat. I can almost see a feline quadruped watching its prey.

Katy. Nothing could be more superingeniously conceived.

Marchioness. "Stole my heart "--robbed me of it-carried it right away. Stop thief! stop thief! stop thief!"

a

Becky. Oh, stop! stop!-let us breathe. Marchioness. Would you not think man was crying after a robber to arrest him?

Katy. There is a transcendental spirituality

in the idea.

brings us to earth again.

[Mrs. Kersey uncovers ker face. Mudge Why, ma'am, what trick are you playing the young ladies?

Mrs. Kersey. I am only teaching the silly exquisites, that some folks may make refined tools as some folks, and that affectation is not learning. "Ah! ah! Cataceous! Stop thiet! stop thief! stop thief!"

Becky. I am imperturbably petrified. Katy And I indiscriminately contounded. Mrs. Kersey. Becky Seraphina Cherubina. and Katy Celestina Azurelia, my advice to you is, to aim at nothing above common sense, and not to suspect that all the world are .oola, because you happen to be so. (F. F. D)

766. MAN IS BEST AS HE IS.

MR. HOWELL and his two Sons, MANLIUS and JAMES.

Mr. Howell. [With a basket of apples. I will place this basket above the reach of my boys, for the fruit is not yet quite ripe, and prevention is not only easier than cure, but it is our duty to keep temptations out of the reach of young and old. He places the buskes on some high place, and goes out just as his sons enter

Manlius. What, in the name of wonder, did father have in that basket?

James. Something rare, no doubt, with which he intends to surprise us.

Manlius. What do you guess it was? James. I never guess, when I can be sure. See, there is the basket! Let's have a look at it.

Manlius. If father had wished us to see it. he would not have placed so high.

James. Well, there's no harmn in looking. I guess I can reach it by jumping. Manlius. I thought you never guessed, when you could be certain My advice is, to let the basket alone till father comes. James. I can't wait so long. [He tries to jump, but falls far short of it.]

Manlius. I should guess that you will never reach it so, if I were not certain that you will not.

James. There are more ways than one to market. [He takes a chair, and triex first standing on the seat; then, in endeavoring to mount on the back, he overturns the chair, and falls upon the floor.]

Manlius. I guess you have hurt yourself

now.

James. I don't guess, for I am sure of it. [He limps.] I wish I was a giant, and then I could reach what I wanted without breaking my neck.

Manlius. I guess it would hart yon more to fall then, than it does now; so what would you gain by that?

James. should want neither ladder nor pole, when cherries and apples were ripe. Manlius. They never would ripen; you would knock them all off with your head. James. I could walk through the streets. and look into all the chamber windows.

Manlius. You might see what people did not wish you to see there; bet you would

James I should not fear being run over by carriages, for I would straddle so, [he straddles,] and let them pass between my legs.

Menlius. You would not get as many rides in them as you do now.

James. And if Master Whipwell struck me. I could strike him back again with

interest.

Manlius. I have not heard you tell of any good that you would do.

Jimes. Oh, I should do a deal of good, of course. I would protect you, you little monkey!

Manlius. You had better not promise much more, until you begin to grow.

Jimes. Poh! You are not so much bigger than I Stand up, my little gentleman. They stani back to back, and James stands tiptoe. Manlius. Feels, and at first wonders at the lite difference; then looks at James's feet, and see the trick. Ah, slyboots! come, put down your heels; you don't grow six inches in a But I should like to know whether. when you are a giant, you mean to have every thing else as small as it is now?

Jimes No; I'd have every thing large in proportion.

Malus. Well done, James; you may as well stay as you are

No,

James. I did not mean so, exactly. I would have other things remain small. Manlius. You would have to live out of doors, then; for you could never squeeze into as house. I guess Jack Frost would be your mest intimate acquaintance

Juanes Well, what other objection, Mr. So omon?

Manlius. If you were overheated, you could not get under the shade of a pleasant tree, lor trees would be bushes to you.

James. I should build me a house on purpose.

Maulins. You could take such long steps, you would like to travel much, no doubt. James. Y. 8, I should go from one end of the world to the other.

Manlius. You would have to carry your house with you, as the snail does. That would be mighty pleasant. But there is another important question. How would you be fed? You would eat an ox or two at every meal. James. Oh, I guess I should let the oxen grow large, likewise.

Manhus. Our pasture would hardly give such an ox a breakfast.

James. Well, I would have the pasture enlarged, too.

Maulins. Then you would only need one thing more.

James. What would that be?

Manlius. To have the whole world made larger.

Janes Well, I guess, on the whole, that man is best as he is.

Manlius. Yes; and it is hardly worth while to change the whole order of things, just to find what is in father s basket.

James. Looking wishfully up at the basket, and rubbing his leg, as he limps of May be

nevertheless.

Manlius. You had better say it is full of sour grapes, as the fox did, when he found that his legs were shorter than his longings. (F. F. D.)

767. VANITY PUNISHED. MICHAEL, & Country Boy, Son of a Tenant of VALENTINE'S Father.

Michael. MASTER VALENTINE, I have gathered you a pretty nosegay, which I hope you will accept.

Valentine. Nosegay! pshaw! I want none of your nosegays.

Michael. It is true, they are only wild flowers; but I thought you would like to know their names.

Valentine. I have no wish to learn the names of weeds. You may carry them where you found them.

Michael. Well, now, if I had known that I should have saved myself the trouble of gathering them. I determined not to go home without carrying you something; and, though it was rather late, I stopped and gathered them by moonlight, thinking they would please

you.

Valentine. You talk of the moon; do you know how big it is?

Michael. Big as a small cheese. Valentine. Ignorant little clown! It is half as big as the world. Here, can you read this book!

Michael. Is it in English?

Valentine. Telemaque in English! Ha, ha, ha! It is French, booby!

Michael Let me look at it, if you please. Valentine. Don't touch it with your dirty hands! Where did you buy those tauned leather gloves?

Michael. Gloves! it is my skin, Master Valentine. I have been working in the sun. Valentine. It is hard enough to be cut into shoe soles.

Michael. It is not hard from idleness. Master Valentine. You know how to talk better than I; but I could beat you at hard work; and to be industrious, and treat every body well, is about all I know how to do. But it is late, and I must go. Good evening [He goes on']

to you.

Valentine. I am ashamed to ask him to show me the way home, though I am completely lost in these woods, I shall have to stay here all night, and be eaten by wild beasts Oh dear! Oh dear! Michael! Michael! Michael! If he don't hear me, I am lost. Michael! here, come back! Michael. [Entering What is the matter, Master Valentine? Has any thing hurt you?

Valentine. No: I was thinking which way I must steer to get out of these woods Michael. Don't your French help you? Valentine. No; French has nothing to do with it. Yon know it has not.

Michael. Well, there's your great moon; can't that help you?

Valentine How can that tell me the way home? Well, if you don't choose to tell me, you needn't.

support, or whether my sincere endeavors are to be rewarded. I have advertised for applications to be made this morning, and never did I feel more anxious to have a morning over. Hark! there is the door-bell. [Enter Mrs. Wondrous, leading in a very small child.]

Mrs. Wondrous. Do I address Miss Carlton? Miss Carlton. That is my name, madam. Mrs. Wondrous. Your school has been highly recommended to me by some of my friends, and I have concluded to place my daughter under your care, if we can agree upon the subject of her studies. Pray, what do you teach, Miss Carlton?

Miss Carlton. What is usually taught in genteel schools, madam. How old is your little girl?

Mrs. Wondrous. She is only five; but then she is a child of remarkable capacity.

Miss Carlton. I should not think she studied many branches at present, whatever she may do hereafter.

Mrs. Wondrous. Indeed she is not so

backward as you suppose. She has studied botany, geometry, and astronomy; and her teacher was preparing to put her into algebra, when ill health obliged her to give up her school.

Miss Carlton. Have you ever examined her in these branches, madam?

Mrs. Wondrous. Oh, yes! Fraxinella, my dear, tell the lady something of geometry and astronomy. What is astronomy, my dear! Ask her a question, Miss Carlton-any question you please.

Miss Carlton. What planet do we inhabit, my dear?

Fraxinella.

Hey?

Miss Carlton. What do you live on, my dear?

Fraxinella. On meat, ma'am I didn't know that was what you meant.

Mrs. Wondrous. No, my dear; the lady means, What do you stand on, my dear? On what do you stand?

Fraxinella. I was standing on one foot then, mother.

Mrs. Wondrous. Fraxinella dear, you have forgotten your astronomy, the three days you have staid at home. But do now say a line or two of your last lesson to the lady-now do, dear-that's an angel!

Fraxinella. The equinoctial line is the plane of the equator extended indefinitely, until it approximates to the calyx or flower cup supports the corolla for the two sides of a right-angled triangle are equal to the bippopotamus!"

Mrs. Wondrous. There, Miss Carlton! I told you she had it in her, only you did not understand the best method of drawing it out I knew she would astonish you.

Miss Carlton. She does, indeed, madam. You speak of the plane of the equator, my dear. May I ask what is the meaning of the word plane?

Fraxinella. Ugly, ma'am. I should think every body knew that!

Miss Carlton. How many are three times three, iny dear?

Fraxinella. Three times three?

Miss Cariton. Yes, how many are they? Fraxinella. I don't know. Mrs. Flare never taught me that. She says every body knows how to count.

Miss Carlton. She taught you to read and spell, I suppose.

I

Mrs. Wondrous. No, I forbade that. wished to have the mind developed at once, without having the intellect frittered away in attention to such unimportant elements. Mrs. Flare was a nonesuch-a real seek-no-farther. I am afraid her loss will never be made up to poor Fraxinella.

Miss Carlton. I cannot agree to receive your daughter, madam, if I am to pursue the course you seem to approve Until the mind is able to comprehend, I think the child should be employed upon such things as require little or no intellectual effort.

Mrs. Wondrous. I see your school will not do for me. I was afraid that you only taught the lower branches. Come, Fraxy, dear, let us go. Good morning, Miss Carlton.

Miss Cariton. Good morning, madam. [The lady goes out.] Oh dear! I suppose I am a fool, not to help the good lady to cheat herself, and ruin her child; but I cannot forfeit all my self-respect without a struggle.

Enter Mrs. Savell and two daughters] Mrs. Saveall. Good morning. Miss Carlton, I suppose.

Miss Carlton. Good morning, madam.

Mrs. Saveall. I have heard a good account of your school, Miss Cariton; and, if we can agree upon the terms, I may send you my two girls. Pray, what are your terms?

Miss Carlton. How old are your daughters,

madam?

Mrs. Saveall. Sarah, dear, how old are you? Sarah. Nine, mother.

Mrs. Saveall. And you, Jane?

Jane. Seven, mother.

Miss Carlton. The price will be eight and ten dollars a quarter.

Mrs. Saveall. Is that your lowest price? Miss Carlton I have but one price, madam. Mrs. Saveall. What! do you make no allowance for my sending two? Miss Carlton. made any.

No, madam, I have never

Mrs. Sareall. That will never answer. My husband, Mr. Saveall, told me you ought to make a discount of twenty per cent.

Miss Carlton. It is as hard to teach two sisters as two strangers, madam.

Mrs. Sareall. Yes, but you have but one bill to collect, and a parent who sends two pupils patronizes your school more than she who sends only one

Miss Carlton. I hope to be faithful to every pupil, madam; and sometimes I think the obligation is not all on the part of the teacher.

Mrs. Sureall. This will never do, miss. Unless you conduct your school on more liberal principles, you will never get any scholars. I can get my children taught for much less than you ask. Miss Slighter, their late teacher, ouly charged them six dollars each.

Ms. Carlton Why did you not keep your children at her school?

Mrs. Sareall. Why, Miss Slighter is a very good sort of woman, but Mr. Saveall thought the children did not learn any thing under her care, and we thought we would try a change. But your terms are altogether too extravagant; 1 must find a cheaper school.

Miss Carlton If I were not interested, I might remark, that the cheapest articles are not apt to be the best, madui; but cannot reconcile it to my sense of right, to have two prices for the same thing.

Ms. Saccall. Very well, miss. I shall, no doubt, find some person less scrupulous, and I bid you a god morning. Come, girls, this school will never do for you. Every thing is too narrow and contracted to suit your father's liberal views. [She goes out.] Miss Carlton. Oh dear! Another loss, and two at once! Well. I am almost discouraged But here comes another patron.

Enter Mrs. Oldschool and daughter.] Mrs. Oldschool. Have I the pleasure to address Miss Carlton 7

Miss Carlton. My name is Cariton, madam. Wit you take a seat!

Mrs Oldschool No, no, I thank you. I wish to get a school for my ouly daughter, and I have heard yours highly recommended. But they tell me, tit, though your pupils are well instructed, you employ some pupils to teach

others Is it so !

Miss Carl on. It is, madam. I think every child should be able to communicate to others What she learns herself

Mrs. Oldschool. Yes, but I do not wish to pay a teacher for teaching my children, and have them taught by other children.

Miss Calon It would be unfair to expect you to do so, madam. But you err in supposing that I perform any the less labor, because I employ my pupils as assistants. My whole time is devoted to my pupils; and, as much of the instruction can be given by well-informed pupils under my direction, I can give my personal attention where it is most needed. Mrs. Oldschool. This all sounds very well; but, after all, children cannot teach children any thing.

please. but I am too old-fashioned to adopt any such new-fangled notions So, good morning. Come. Sophia, dear, bid the lady good morning.

Miss Carlion. Good morning, miss. [They go out

Enter Mrs. Frivolous and daughter.] Mrs. Privolous. Good morning. Miss Carlton, I suppose. I have a little daughter that I wish to place in your school. I understand you teach all the light accomplishments. Who is your teacher of dancing? I have sent my daughter to every teacher that has opened a school in Beston, for I think that, if music and dancing are attended to, every thing else follows Lucy, my dear, turn out your toes. As I was saying, we give a ball once or twice every winter, and Mr. Frivolous carries the children to every concert and ball that is respectable.

Miss Carlton. Does not this interrupt their other studies?

Mrs. Frivolous Oh yes but then ease and grace must be acquired in youth, or never, Lucy, dear, take your fingers out of your month! As I was saying What was I saying? What was ? saying Strange that I should be so forgetful! But not longer ago than yesterday. I was telling M. Frivolous about something, and right in the midst of the story, I forgot what I was going to say; and do what I could, I had to give it up. Lucy, my dear, you forget to turn out your toes!

Miss Carlton. May I ask, madam, if you child has never studied any thing but musie and dancing?

Mrs. Frivolous. Oh yes; she has studied every thing. But then the poor giri sits up so late every night, she cannot go to school tall it is nearly over; and she practises so much, that she has nearly ruined her health and has no time to get her lessons. Lucy, dear, don't stoop so. She has an ugly stoop in the shoulders; but Doctor Smooth says she will outgrow it one of these days. Now, Lucy, my darting, can't you just dance that Lornpipe you learned last?

Lucy. Mother, I don't know how, I have forgotten the steps.

Mrs. Oldschool. Perhaps it can; but, then, children have no judgment, and cannot gorern children. I have seen enough of bad discipline; my children have been nearly ruined by shifting schools.

Miss Carlton. Have they ever been taught by monitors?

Mrs. Oldschool. No, never. Miss Carlton. Surely, you do not bring this as an objection against monitorial schools!

Mrs. Oldschool. Why -no but then. in the nature of things, one child cannot be fit to teach another; and if you do not give up this notion, I must put my child elsewhere. Miss Carlton. I cannot give it up until convinced that it is erroneous; nor could you wish me to do so. I think.

Mrs. Ordschool. Well, you may do as you

quarters in learning nothing else.

Miss Carlton. Don't urge the young lady. I shall be happy, madam, to receive your daughter, if you think fit to place her under my care; but I can only promise her as much instruction in music and dancing as can be given without interruption to her more impor tant studies.

Mrs Frivolous, No-she must study after she has finished her education. We have but one daughter, and we mean to spare no expense in her education. You are too old-fashioned-excuse me-much too oldfashioned, for my notion; and Lucy, dear. make one of your best courtesies to the lady. [The child does so Good morning, miss.

Miss Carlton. Well, what can come next? I hardly know whether to laugh or cry at the ill success of my attempt to enlarge my school But here is another applicat