ple are led into a mistake, that where it keeps within fair bounds, there is no incivility in it. And fo the pleafantry of this fort of converfation often introduces it amongst people of the better rank; and fuch talkers are favourably heard and generally applauded by the laughter of the by-ftanders on their fide. But they ought to confider, that the entertainment of the rest of the company is at the coft of that one who is fet out in their burlefque colours, who therefore is not without uncafinefs unless the fubject, for which he is railled, be really in itself matter of commendation. For then the pleafant images and reprefentations, which make the raillery, carrying praise as well as fport with them, the railled perfon alfo finds his account, and takes part in the diverfion. But because the right management of fo nice and ticklish a business, wherein a little flip may fpoil all, is not every body's talent, I think thofe who would fecure themselves from provoking others, especially all young people, fhould carefully abstain from raillery, which, by a fmall mistake, or any wrong turn, may leave upon the mind of thofe who are made uneafy by it, the lafting memory of having been picquantly, tho' wittily, taunted for fomething cenfurable in them.

Contradiction.

Befides raillery, contradiction is a fort of cenforioufness, wherein ill-breeding often fhews itfelf. Complaifance

Complaifance does not require that we fhould always admit all the reafonings or relations that the company is entertained with; no, nor filently to let pafs all that is vented in our hearing. The oppofing the opinions, and rectifying the mistakes of others, is what truth and charity fometimes require of us, and civility does not oppofe, if it be done with due caution and care of circumftances. But there are fome people that one may obferve, poffeffed as it were with the fpirit of contradiction, that fteadily and without regard to right or wrong, oppofe fome one, or perhaps every one, of the company, whatever they fay. This is fo visible and outrageous a way of cenfuring, that no body can avoid thinking himself injured by it. All oppofition to what another mau has faid, is fo apt to be fufpected of cenforiousness, and is so seldom receiv ed without fome fort of humiliation, that it Cought to be made in the gentleft manner, and fofteft words that can be found, and fuch as, with the whole deportment, may exprefs no forwardness to contradict. All marks of refpect and good will ought to accompany it, that whilft we gain the argument, we may not lofe the cfteem of thofe that hear us.

4. Captioufnefs is another fault oppofite to civility; not only becaufe it often produces mifbecoming and provoking expreffions,

K

Captious nefs.

and

and carriage; but because it is a tacit accufation and reproach of fome incivility taken notice of in thofe whom we are angry with. Such a fufpicion or intimation cannot be borne by any one without uneafinefs. Befides, one angry body difcompofes the whole company, and the harmony ceafes upon any fuch jarring.

The happiness that all men fo fteadily purfue, confifting in pleasure, it is easy to fee why the civil are more acceptable than the ufeful. The ability, fincerity, and good intention of a man of weight and worth, or a real friend, feldom atones for the uneafiness that is produced by his grave and folid reprefentations. Power and riches, nay virtue itself, are valued only as conducing to our happinefs; and therefore he recommends himself ill to another, as aiming at his happiness, who, in the fervices he does him, makes him uneafy in the manner of doing them. He that knows how to make thofe he converfes with eafy, without debafing himself to low and fervile flattery, has found the true art of living in the world, and being both welcome and valued every where. Civility therefore is what in the first place fhould with great care be made habitual to children and young people.

§ 144.

144. There is another fault Breeding. in good manners, and that is, ex

cefs of ceremony, and an obftinate perfifting to force upon another what is not his due, and what he cannot take without folly or shame. This feems rather a defign to expofe than oblige, or at least looks like a conteft for maftery, and at beft is but troublefome; and fo can be no part of good-breeding, which has no other use or end, but to make people eafy and fatisfied in their converfation with us. This is a fault few young people are apt to fall into; but yet if they are ever guilty of it, or arefufpected to incline that way, they should be told of it, and warned of this mistaken civility. The thing they fhould endeavour and aim at in conversation, should be, to fhew respect, esteem, and good-will, by paying to every one that common ceremony and regard which is in civility due to them. To do this, without a fufpicion of flattery, diffimulation, or mean nefs, is a great skill, which good fenfe, reason, and good company, can only teach; but is of fo much ufe in civil life, that it is well worth the ftudying.

§ 145. Though the managing ourselveswell in this part of our behaviour has the name of good breeding, as if peculiarly the effect of education; yet, as I have faid, young chil. dren should not be much perplexed aboutit; I mean, about putting off their hats, and mak K 2

ing

ing legs modifhly. Teach them humility, and to be good-natured, if you can, and this fort of manners will not be wanting; civi lity being, in truth, nothing but a care not to fhew any fighting, or contempt of any one in converfation. What are the moft allowed and efteemed ways of expreffing this, we have above obferved. It is as peculiar and diffe rent, in feveral countries of the world, as their languages; and therefore, if it be rightly con fidered, rules and difcourfes made to children about it, are as ufelefs and impertinent, as it would be now and then to give a rule or two of the Spanish tongue to one that converfes only with Englishmen. Be as bufy as you pleafe with difcourfes of civility to your fon, fuch as is his company, fuch will be his manners. A plough-man of your neigh bourhood, that has never been out of his pa rifh, read what lectures you please to him, will be as foon in his language as his carri age, a courtier; that is, in neither will be more polite than thofe he uses to converse with and therefore of this no other care can be taken till he be of an age to have a tutor put to him, who must not fail to be a wellbred man. And, in good earnest, if I were to fpeak my mind freely, fo children do nothing out of obftinacy, pride and ill-nature, 'tis no great matter how they put off their hats, or make legs. If they can teach theni

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