Reason has left her seat for a while. But this is fitter for the Royal Society than the bedroom of Titilebat Titmouse; and I beg the reader's pardon.

About six o'clock, Titmouse rose and dressed himself; and, slipping noiselessly and swiftly down stairs, and out of the court, in order to avoid all possibility of encountering his landlady or his tailor, soon found himself in Oxford Street. Not many people were stirring there. One or two men who passed him were smoking their morning's pipe, with a half-awakened air, as if they had only just got out of a snug bed, in which they always slept every moment that they lay upon it. Titmouse almost envied them! What a squalid figure he looked, as he paced up and down, till at length he saw the porter of Messrs Dowlas & Co. opening the shop-door. He soon entered it, and commenced another joyous day in that delightful establishment. The amiable Mr Tag-rag continued unaltered.

"You're at liberty to take yourself off, sir, this very day-this moment, sir; and a good riddance," said he, bit. terly, during the course of the day, after demanding of Titmouse how he dared to give himself such sullen airs; “and then we shall see how charming easy it is for gents like you to get an other sitiwation, sir! Your looks and manner is quite a recommendation, sir! If I was you, sir, I'd raise my terms! You're worth double what I give, sir!" Titmouse made no reply.

What the d-1 do you mean, sir, by not answering me-eh, sir ?" suddenly demanded Tag-rag, with a look of fury.

"I don't know what you'd have me What am I to say, sir?" ensay, sir. quired Titmouse, with a sigh.

"What, indeed! I should like to catch you! Say, indeed! Only say a word-and out you go, neck and crop. Attend to that old lady coming in, sir. And mind, sir, I've got my eye on you!" Titmouse did as he was bid; and Tag-rag, a bland smile beaming in his attractive features, hurried down towards the door, to receive some lady-customers, whom he observed alighting from a carriage; and at that moment you would have sworn that he was one of the kindest-hearted, sweetest-tempered men in the world.

When at length this day had come

to a close, Titmouse, instead of repairing to his lodgings, set off, with a heavy heart, to pay a visit to his excellent friend Huckaback, whom he knew to have received his quarter's salary the day before, and from whom he faintly hoped to succeed in extorting some trifling loan. "If you want to learn the value of money, try to borrow some," says Poor Richard—and Titmouse was now going to learn that useful but bitter lesson. Oh, how disheartening was that gentleman's reception of him! Huckaback, in answering the modest knock of Titmouse, suspecting who was his visiter, opened the door but a little way, and in that little way, with his hand on the latch, he stood, with a plainly repulsive look. "Oh! it's you, Titmouse, is it?” he commenced, coldly.

"Yes, I-I just want to speak a word to you-only a word or two, Hucky, if you aren't busy ?"

66

Why, I was just going to go-but what d'ye want, Titmouse ?" he enquired, in a freezing manner, not stirring from where he stood.

"Let me come inside a minute," implored Titmouse, feeling as if his heart were really dropping out of him: and, in a most ungracious manner, Huckaback motioned him in.

"Well," commenced Huckaback, with a chilling distrustful look.

66

I thought we'd always been friends, Hucky," said Titmouse, faintly; "and so we shouldn't mind helping one another a bit! Don't you remember, I lent you half-a-crown ?"

"Half-a-crown!-and that's nine months ago!"

"Do, Hucky, do! I've positively not a sixpence in the whole world."

"Ha, ha! A pretty chap to borrow! You can pay so well! By George, Titmouse, you're a cool hand."

"If you won't lend me, I must starve."

"Go to my uncle's." [Titmouse groaned aloud.]" Well-and why not? What of that?" continued Huckaback, sharply and bitterly. "I dare say it wouldn't be the first time you've done such a trick, no more than me. I've been obligated to do it. Why shouldn't you? Ain't there that ring?"

she! me!

"Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! that's just what Mrs Squallop said last night." "Whew! She's down on you, is And you've the face to come to You that's a-going to be sold up, come to borrow! Lord, that's good, any how! A queer use that to make of one's friends;—it's a taking of them in, I say!"

"Oh, Huck, Huck, if you only knew what a poor devil".

"Yes, that's what I was a-saying; but it ain't poor devils one lends money to so easily, I warrant me; though you ain't such a poor devilyou're only shamming! Where's your guard-chain, your studs, your breastpin, your ring, and all that. Sell 'em! if not, any how, pawn 'em. Can't eat your cake and have it; fine back must have empty belly with us sort of chaps."

"If you'll only be so kind as to lend me ten shillings," continued Titmouse, in an imploring tone, "I'll bind myself, by a solemn oath, to pay you the very first moment I get what's due to me from Dowlas & Co." Here he was almost choked by the sudden recollection that he had almost certainly nothing to receive.

"You've some property in the moon, too, that's coming to you, you know!" said Huckaback, with an insulting sneer.

"I know what you're driving at," said poor Titmouse; and he continued eagerly, "and if any thing should ever come up from Messrs Quirk, Gam”.

"never

"Yough! Faugh! Pish! Stuff!" burst out Huckaback, in a tone of contempt and disgust; thought there was any thing in it, and now know it! It's all in my eye, and all that!"

"Oh, Hucky, Hucky! You don't say so!" groaned Titmouse, bursting into tears; "you didn't always say so.'

"It's enough that I say it now, then; will that do?" interrupted Huckaback, impetuously.

"Oh, Lord, Lord! what is to become of me?" cried Titmouse, with a face full of anguish.

[At this moment, the following was the course of thought passing through the mind of Mr Huckaback:-It is not certain that nothing will come of the fellow's affair with Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap. It was hardly likely that they would have gone as far as Titmouse represented (lawyers as they were), unless they had seen very substantial grounds for doing so. Besides, even though Titmouse might not get ten thousand a-year, he might yet succeed in obtaining a very splendid sum of money; and if he (Huckaback) could but get a little slice out of it, Titmouse was now nearly desperate, and would promise any thing; and if he could but be wheedled in to giving any thing in writing-Well, thought Huckaback, I'll try it, however!]

"Ah, Titmouse, you're civil enough now, and would promise any thing," said Huckaback, appearing to hesi"but when you got your money you'd forget."

tate;

"Forget my promise! Dear Hucky! only try me-do try me but once, that's all! Ten shillings is worth more to me now than a hundred pounds may be by-and-by."

"Ay, so you say, now; but d'ye mean to tell me, that if I was now to advance you ten shillings out of my poor little salary," continued Huckaback, apparently carelessly, "you'd, for instance, pay me a hundred pounds out of your thousands?'

"Only try me do try me!" said Titmouse eagerly.

"Oh, I dare say," interrupted Huckaback, smiling incredulously, and chinking some money in his trowsers' pocket. Titmouse heard it, and (as the phrase is) his teeth watered; and he immediately swore such a tremendous oath as I dare not set down in writing, that if Huckaback would that evening lend him ten shillings, Titmouse would give him one hundred pounds out of the very first monies he got from the

baggage, if I don't give her something to-morrow.'

“ Well, if I really thought-would you mind giving ine, now, a bit of black and white for it?"

"I'll do any thing you like; only let me feel the ten shillings in my fingers."

"So,

"Well, no sooner said than done, if you're a man of your word," said Huckaback, in a trice producing a bit of paper, and a pen and ink. only just for the fun of it; but-Lord! what stuff!-I'm only bargaining for a hundred pounds of moonshine. Ha, ha! I shall never see the colour of your money, not I; so I may as well say two hundred when I'm about it, as one hundred"

"Why, hem! Two hundred, Huck, is rather a large figure; one hundred's odds enough, I'm sure."

"P'r'aps, Tit, you forget the licking you gave me the other day. Suppose I was to go to an attorney, and get the law of you, what a sight of damages I should have-three hundred pounds at least."

Titmouse appeared even yet hesi tating.

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"Well, then!" said Huckaback, flinging down his pen, suppose I have them yet."

"Come, come, Hucky, 'tis all past and gone, all that."

"Is it? Well, I never! I shall never be again the same man I was before that licking. I've a sort of a -a-of a-feeling inside, as if my breast was-I shall carry it to grave-if I sha'n't!"

my

[It never once occurred to Titmouse, not having his friend Mr Gammon at his elbow, that the plaintiff in the action of Huckaback v. Titmouse might have been slightly at a loss for a witness of the assault; but something quite as good in its way-a heaven-sent suggestion-did occur to him.]

"Ah," said Titmouse suddenly, "that's true; and uncommon sorry am I; but still, a hundred pounds is a hundred pounds, and a large sum for the use of ten shillings, and a licking; but never you think it's all moonshine about my business with Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap! You should only have heard what I've heard to-day from those gents; hem! but I won't split again either."

"Eh? What? Heard from those gents at Saffron Hill?" interrupted

spoil it all again; and now, since I've let out as much, which I didn't mean to do, I'll tell you something else—ten shillings is no use to me, I must have a pound."

Titty, Titty!" exclaimed Huckaback, with unaffected concern.

"And won't give more than fifty for it when I get my property either"[Huckaback whistled aloud, and with a significant air buttoned up the pocket which contained the money; intimating that now the negotiation was all at an end, for that Titmouse's new terms were quite out of the question ;] " for I know where I can get twenty pounds easily, only I liked to come to a friend first."

"You aren't behaving much like a friend to one as has always been a fast friend of yours, Titty! A pound!I haven't got it to part with, that's flat; so, if that's your figure, why, you must even go to your other friend, and leave poor Hucky."

“Well, I don't mind saying only ten shillings," quoth Titmouse, fearing that he had been going on rather too fast.

"Ah, that's something reasonablelike, Titty! and, to meet you like a friend, I'll take fifty pounds instead of a hundred; but yon won't object now to-you know—a deposit ; that ring of yours. Well, well! it don't signify, since it goes against you: so now, here goes, a bit of paper for ten shillings, ha, ha!" and taking a pen, after a pause, in which he called to mind as much of the phraseology of money securities as he could, he drew up the following stringent document:

"Know all Men That you are Bound to Mr R. Huckaback Promising The Bearer on Demand To Pay Fifty Pounds in cash out of the Estate, if you Get it.

"(Witness,) 22d July 182-.
"R. HUCKABACK."

"There, Titty-if you're an honest man, and would do as you would be done by," said Huckaback, after signing his own name as above, handing the pen to Titmouse, " sign that; just to show your honour, like-for, in course, I sha'n't ever come on you for the money-get as much as you may,"

He was not aware that all this while, although he heard nothing from them, he occupied almost exclusively the thoughts of those distinguished practitioners in the law, Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap. They, in common with Huckaback, had an intense desire to share in his anticipated good fortune, and determined to do so according to their opportunities. The excellent Huckaback (a model of a usurer on a small scale) promptly and adroitly seized hold of the very first opportunity that presented itself, for securing a little return hereafter for the ten shillings, with which he had so generously parted when he could so ill afford it; while Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap were racking their brains, and, from time to time, those of Messrs Mortmain and Frankpledge, to discover some instrument strong and large enough to cut a fat slice for themselves out of the fortune they were endeavouring, for that purpose, to put within the reach of Mr Titmouse. rule of three mode of stating the matter would be thus: as the inconvenience of Huckaback's parting with his ten shillings and his waiver of damages for a very cruel assault, were to his contingent gain, hereafter, of fifty pounds: so were Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap's risk, exertions, outlay, and benefit conferred on Titmouse, to their contingent gain of ten thousand pounds. The principal point of difference between them was

A blessed thought occurred to poor Titmouse in his extremity, viz. that there was no stamp on the above in strument, (and he had never seen a promissory-note or bill of exchange without one ;) and he signed it instantly, with many fervent expressions of gratitude. Huckaback received the valuable security with apparently a careless air; and after cramming it into his pocket, as if it had been in reality only a bit of waste paper, counted out ten shillings into the eager hand of Titmouse; who, having thus most unexpectedly succeeded in his mission, soon afterwards departed each of this pair of worthies fancying that he had succeeded in cheating the other. Huckaback, having very cordially shaken Titmouse by the hand, heartily damned him upon shutting the door on him; and then anxiously perused and re-perused his "security," wondering whether it was possible for Titmouse at any time thereafter to evade it, and considering by what means he could acquaint himself with the progress of Titmouse's affairs. The latter gentleman, as he hurried homeward, dwelt for a long while upon only one thought-how fortunate was the omission of his friend to have a stamp upon his security! When and where, thought he, was it that he had heard that nothing would do without a stamp? However, he had got the ten shillings safe; and Huckaback might wait for his fifty pounds till-But in the mean-while he, Titmouse, seemed to stand a fair chance of going to the dogs; the ten shillings, which he had just obtained with so much difficulty, were to find their way immediately into the pockets of his landlady, whom it might pacify for but a day or two, and what quarter was he now to look to for the smallest assistance? What was to become of him? Titmouse was a miserable fool; but thoughts such as these, in such circumstances as his, would force themselves into the mind of even a fool! How could he avoid-oh, horrid thought!-soon parting with, or at least pawning, his ring and his other precious trinkets? He burst into a perspiration at the mere thought of seeing them hanging ticketed for sale in the window of old Balls! As he slowly ascended the stairs which led to his apartment, he felt as if he were following some unseen conductor to a dungeon.

NO. CCXC. VOL. XLVI.

A

-as to the mode of securing their future recompense; in which it may have been observed by the attentive reader, with respect to the precipitancy of Huckaback and hesitating caution of Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, that "thus fools" (e. g. Huckaback) “rushed in where angels” (i. e. Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap) "feared to tread." Let me not, however, for a moment, insinuate that both these parties were actuated by only one motive, i. e. to make a prey of this little monkey millionaire. 'Tis true that Huckaback appears to have driven rather a hard bargain with his distressed friend, (and almost every one that, being similarily situated, has occasion for such services as Titmouse sought from Huckaback, will find himself called upon to pay pretty nearly the same price for them ;) but it was attended with one good effect;-for the specific interest in Titmouse's future prosperity, acquired by Huckaback,

3 H

quickened his energies and sharpened his wits in the service of his friend. But for this, indeed, it is probable that Mr Huckaback's door would have become as hopelessly closed against Titmouse as was that of Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap. Some two or three nights after the little transaction between the two friends which I have been describing, Huckaback called upon Titmouse, and after greeting him rather cordially, told him that he had come to put him up to a trick upon the Saffron Hill people, that would tickle them into a little activity in his affairs. The trick was -the sending a letter to those gentlemen calculated to-but why attempt to characterise it? I have the original document lying before me, which was sent by Titmouse the very next morning to Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap; and here follows a verbatim copy of it.

"No. 9, Closet Court, Oxford Street. "To Messrs QUIRK & Co. "Gents,-Am Sorry to Trouble You, But Being Drove quite desperate at my Troubles (which have brot me to my Last Penny à Week ago) and Mrs Squallop my Landlady wd distrain on Me only that There Is nothing To distrain on, Am Determined to Go Abroad in a Week's Time, and shall Never come Any More back again with Great Grief wh Is What I now Write To tell You Of (Hoping you Will please Take No notice of It) So Need give Yourselves No Further Concern with my Concerns Seeing The Estate is Not To Be Had and Am Sorry you Shd Have Had so Much trouble With My Affairs wh cd not Help. Shd have Much liked. The Thing, only it Was Not worth Stopping For, or Would, but Since It Was not God's Will be Done which it will. Have raised a Trifle n my Future Prospects (wh am Certain There is Nothing In) from a True Friend" [need it be guessed at whose instance these words found their way into the letter?] "wh was certainly uncommon inconvenient to That Person But He wd do Anything to Do me good As he says Am going to raise A Little More from a Gent That does Things of That Nature wh will help me with Expense in Going Abroad (which place I Never mean to Return from). Have fixed for the

10th To Go on wh Day Shall Take leave Of Mr Tag-rag (who on my Return Shall be glad to See Buried or in the Workhouse). Have wrote This letter Only to Save Yr Respectable Selves trouble wh Trust You wd not have Taken, "And Remain,

"Gents,

"Yr humble Unworthy Servt "T. TITMOuse. "P.S.-Hope you will Particularly Remember me to Mr Gammon. What is to become of me, know nothing, being so troubled. Am Humbly Determined not to employ any Gents in This matter except yr most Respectable House, and shd be most Truly Sorry to Go Abroad whh am really Often thinking of in Earnest. ̄(Unless something Speedily Turns Up, favourable, T. T.-Shd like (By the way) to know if you shd be so Disposed what yr recpe house wd take for my Chances Down (Out and out) In a Round Sum (Ready money) And hope if they Write It will be by Next Post or shall be Gone Abroad."

Old Quirk, as soon as he had finished the perusal of this skilful document, started, a little disturbed, from his seat, and bustled into Mr Gammon's room, with Mr Titmouse's open letter in his hand." Gammon," said he, "just cast your eye over this, will you? Really, we must look after Titmouse, or he'll be gone!" Mr Gammon took the letter rather eagerly, read deliberately through it, and then looked up at his fidgety partner, who stood anxiously eyeing him, and smiled,

"Well, Gammon, I really think— eh? Don't you?

66

Upon my word, Mr Quirk, this nearly equals his former letter; and it also seems to have produced on you the desired effect."

"Well, Gammon, and what of that? Because my heart don't happen to be quite a piece of flint, you're always"

"You might have been a far wealthier man than you are, but for that soft heart of yours, Mr Quirk,”—said Gammon, with a bland smile. (!)

“I know I might, Gammon—I know it. I thank my God I'm not so keen after business that I can't feel for this poor soul-really, his state's quite deplorable!"

"Then, my dear sir, put your hand into your pocket at once, as I was