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HE BUYS A CHECK SUIT.
torn away from her shoulders, the diamonds sparkling like scattered dew all
Mr: Dunder made a call at the Central over the floor, and her lovely yellow hair
Station again yesterday. After depositing tangled and disheveled.
his hat on one chair and his cane on anAgnes, are you ill?” Mrs. Vining sat up, ghastly pale, with other he said to the Captain:
Maybe I go ash a delegate to der city a wild, hysterical laugh. “Look here!" she cried, holding up a to buy some new cloze to go to some
convention. If I doan go like dot, I haf sheet of crumpled paper. “Oh, Barba- funerals, anyhow. So I like to get some rine, you are avenged at last!"
new suit." Yes, she was avenged. Albert Vining
"Yes.” had stricken her down to the very ground
'I ask Shake aboudt it. Shake is my with the same cruel blow he had dealt and more sharp in that he was her hus- und he knows all aboudt poker und some poor Barbarine years ago, only keener son, you know. He vhas an awful sharp
poy. He travels to Buffalo und Chicago, band. He had left her forever, for sonie fairer fashions. Shake goes mit me to pick
oudt my suit. and fresher beauty, who cared for his fas
"The one you have on?" cinating ways and tender voice more than
It vhas der one I didn't haf all else the world had beside of fame or
It vhas der one I come to tell you honor. He had left her!
Barbarine knelt down, and took that aboudt. I like some plain suit, mitout poor drooping head tenderly upon her any, show to it, but Shake tells me:
* Fadder, you must be oop mit der breast. “I thought you would exult over me!" suit eaferybody beliefs you vhas a Sen
Baris fashions. If you take dot check sobbed Agnes. “I thought you would
ator.' be glad!"
“ Und der clerk in der shtore he looks Did I not tell you, tben, that I for
me oafer und says: gave you, Agnes ?” Yes—but--but I have deserved this, is to look distinguished. If I meet you
Shake vhas right. Der shtyle now Barbarine! I have filled the cup for my at der postoffice mit dot check suit on I self, and now I drink it to the dregs." And Barbarine, tender and pitiful as I follow you around like a brass band.'
pelief you vhas some Cabinet officer, und she was, felt that it was true. And she
Yes. was avenged.
'Vhell, I buys him und feels proud.
I goes down mit der Central depot to see HOW FAR DOES THE GROUND FREEZE. City, und a policeman looks me all oafer
if my brudder-law comes in from Bay The greatest thickness of ground ice und says: ever actually measured in America was 5. You doan't get in some work around by Sir J. H. Lefroy, who in June, 1844, here mit a shtring game! If you do up on the banks of the Mackenzie river, in you go! latitude 64 degrees north, saw a perpen- “Ée shpoke like dot to me-Carl Dundicular cliff broken off by a landslip, in der—a citizen who pays taxes in two which the earth was, solidly frozen for a wards und vhas as innocent as a child." distance of forty-five feet below the sur- “ Did, eh?” face. Half a century ago, a Russian “Dot oopsets me, und I vhalk oudt merchant at Yakutsk, in Siberia, which doors to cool off. Some stranger come is situated in latitude 62 degrees north, aroundt, und pooty soon he vhispers: had to dig 382 feet before he could get
"""What vhas your lay, partner?' through the ground ice. The average
“I doan't know what dot means, und temperature at Yakutsk is only 14 de- he says: grees Fahrenheit, and the town is very Vhas it der bunco or der confidence near the Siberian pole of greatest cold. peesness? Maybe you like a capper?' Sir J. H. Lefroy thinks there is good rea- Shust think of shpeaking like dot to son to believe that the ground ice within somepody who vhas headquarters for a the arctic circle in America is much Blaine club, und who pays his liquor tax thicker than the maximum in Siberia, like clocks?” and even suggests that it may extend to
"Well?" 1,300 feet.
Well, eferybody winks at me ash I
HOW TO TAKE LEAVE.
JUST FOR THE PRINCIPLE..
go home, und one man says maybe I doan't pick his pocket if he knows him- Not all have learned the fine art of self. Some odder man said he like to leave-taking in an appropriate manner. hire out to my circus, und two poys run When you are about to depart, do so at after me und like some tickets to my once, gracefully and politely, with no dalminstrel show! Captain, vhas it der lying. Don't say, " It is about time I clothes?”
was going," and then begin again and talk “I think so.”
on aimlessly for another ten minutes. “Does somepody belief I vas a shport?” Some people have just such a tiresome "That's it."
habit. They will even rise and stand Vhell, I say so to Shake, but he says around the room in various attitudes, it vhas my distinguished air, Captain!" keeping their hosts also standing, and Yes, sir.
then by an effort succeed in getting as far “My son Shake vhas too shmart. Dot as the hall
, when a new thought strikes. vhas some put-up shobs on me. I vhas them.
They brighten up visibly and going home now. I take a rawhide mit stand for some minutes longer, saying me, und I like you to come oop in two nothing of importance, but keeping every hours.”
one in a restless state. After the door is. What for?"
opened the prolonged leave-taking begins, "To see dot great change which comes and everybody in general and particular oafer Shake! You won't know him some is invited to call. Very likely a laste more, und maype he like to ask you if it thought strikes the departing visitor, and. vhas petter to rub on some oil or salt und his friend must risk a cold in order to water! Captain, good-day!"
hear it to the end. There is no need of.
being offensively abrupt; but when you A gentleman once boasted to a friend are ready to go, go, and be gone. that he could introduce to him an engineer of more wonderful skill than Robert Stephenson. In fulfillment of the boast, A man in Copiah county, Miss., came he brought out a glass tumbler contain- out of his cotton field one day at noon ing a little scarlet-colored spider, whose and turned his plow mule in the yard and beauty, with its bright yellow nest on a threw her a bundle of fodder and then sprig of laurustinus, had induced a entered the house to eat his own dinner. young lady to pluck the sprig from the A mangy, half-starved calf, that was bush where it was growing. When grazing in the yard, wandered over to the brought into the house it was placed on mule and fodder and began eating. The the mantelpiece, and secured by placing mule backed her ears and heels and kicka glass over it. In a very short time this ed the calf so severely that it fell to the wonderful little engineer contrived to ac- ground and died. complish the herculean task of raising The children called to their father: the sprig of laurustinus, a weight several Oh, papa! Old Bet's done killed Billy." hundred times greater than himself, to The father immediately seized his gun the upper part of the glass, and attached and rushed out into the yard, and seeing it there so firmly that it remained sus- what the mule had done, in his rage dispended for many years where it was charged both barrels of the gun at the hung by the spider.
mule, killing her almost instantly. A
neighbor passing along about that time A new French experiment consists in inquired: placing two similar black paper figures- Jones, don't you think it mighty poor two crosses, for example --quite closely business to kill a hundred dollar mule all together, at about three inches from the about a two dollar calf?” eyes. When so held before a sheet of “Hundred dollar mule! Thunder, it's white paper three separate crosses will be not a money matter with me. It is the
The phenomenon, illustrating the principle of the thing." principle of the stereoscope, is explained by the simultaneous vision of the two A Texas exchange asks “what shall eyes. If figures of complementary colors, be done to bridle the growing spirit of as red and green, are used upon a dark murder?” Neither a bridle nor a curb background, a white figure will appear in will do any good. The only good plan. the middle.
is to use a halter.
A PREFERENCE ON THE GALLOWS.
A CIVIL SERVICE EXAMINATION.
" What for?!?
"For better or worse. Twenty-eight impatient people in a half circle about the stamp window at the
" What does the girl say?” postoffice the other day. The 29th was
"She says she will be my wife.” not an impatient people. She was a
“Ugh! You haven't got a cent in the young woman of 18. She had a letter to world, have you?" post, and she posed in front of the win
“Yes, sir. She gave assent, and if you dow, spread out her arms, chewed her will do tbe same, that will make two, gum, and said:
and we can buy a postage stamp and Will this letter take two stamps?”
write to you for the balance of our sal"No'm."
ary. "Is one enough?”
It was a wretched attempt, but he got "Yes'm.” Then she chawed and chawed. “Do you take Canada money?” *No'm.' “You don't?"
A funny anecdote connected with the
Hon. Joe Blackburn's first race for Con•-'No'ma." Then she chawed and chawed.
gress is told. Joe happened to be pass
ing through Owento, the county seat of “Will it go out this afternoon?”
Owen County, on the occasion of the -Yes'm. "'Probably get there to-morrow?"
hanging of a noted criminal. As a hang“Yes'm.
ing is rather an exceptional episode in the Then she chawed and chawed:
State of Kentucky, the honorable Joe
concluded he would stop over a few "It isn't a foreign letter, you know."
hours and witness the event. The gal“No'm.'
lows was erected in the public square, so “Going to Cleveland, you see?” “Yes'm.
that no citizen, however humble, should "If you were me
lose the opportunity of witnessing the The crowd surged up and swept her unusual spectacle. It was, in fact, à gala She held the letter in one day such as the history of Owento has
seldom recorded. The Sheriff, with hand and the stamp in the other and gazed her indignation. Her anger seemed
true Kentucky hospitality, invited Black to center on one man-one who had burn, as one of the distinguished guests elbowed her the hardest. He seemed to present, to occupy a seat on the gallows.
Blackburn did so. feel it, and he turned and bowed and aries had been arranged, the Sheriff con
After the preliminwhispered:
sulted his watch and discovered that it “Scuse me, ma'am, but this is no idiot asylum!"
was not quite twelve o'clock, the hour Then she chawed and chawed, and fixed for the execution. Turning to the went out without posting her letter.
prisoner, he said:
“You have ten minutes yet to live, Is there anything you desire to say in the mean time?"
The prisoner sullenly replied there A young editor, bright, poor and pun- was not. sterious, had won the affections of a rich At this instant Blackburn sprung from man's daughter, and they fixed a day for his seat, and, advancing to the edge of him to call on the father, and on that day the scaffold, said: he was promptly in the old gentleman's “If the gentleman will allow me his office.
remaining ten minutes I will be glad to “Good morning, sir,” he said, con- announce myself as a candidate for your fident, but ready to run, "I have called suffrages. If elected to Congresson you on a matter of"
At this point the prisoner interjected: "We don't want any advertising to- "Say, you. Is your name Joe Blackday," interrupted the old gentleman, burn?" looking up over his glasses.
“Yes, sir," responded Blackburn, po“I am not on that business, sir. I litely. came to ask for your daughter.
Turning to the Sheriff, the prisoner “What do you want with her 979
said: "Marry her.”
"We won't stand on a few minutes,
A SPLENDID RAILROAD MAN,
A BAD BREAK.
more or less, when the alternative is presented of death on one hand or listening Said Solomon, the clothing man, to Ike, to one of Joe Blackburn's long-winded his assistant, the other day, while talking speeches on the other. Spring the trap of a certain railroad scheme which was and let me go.”
agitating the speculative community:“My The good-natured Sheriff obligingly cousin Lowenstein was a splendid rail''sprung the trap,” and the next instant road man but he was unlucky Vonce the desperado swung into eternity, while he made ofer five dousand dollars out uf Blackburn clambered down the gallows, de railroad pusiness. He haf a blace on exclaiming, as he went, that he had lost de 'railroad and gets some Jersey cows, the greatest opportunity of his life. und den he gets an old cowhide und stuffs
it mit straw, und efery night he puts de
straw cow on de railroad vere dere vas a It was on a Pittsburgh & Lake Erie steep grade, and the passenger train gums train coming down from Youngstown, sends in a pill to de company and gets says the Pittsburgh Dispatch. A Cleve, de money on a compromise. Von night. land drummer, with a long mustache and Lowenstein puts de straw cow on de track a grip-sack, sauntered through the car at de wrong time, you know, und a freight chewing a tooth-pick and looking, as train comes up de grade very slow, und though he owned the earth. After wink- de engineer sees de cow und vistles, but ing at an old maid until she blushed a she dond get up, und he stops de train, pale greenish yellow, and ogling a pretty bicks up de cow, and puts
in de cagirl until she turned and looked out a boose, und dree veeks after dot Lowenwindow, he
sat down in two seats and stein goes to de penitentiary for a couple proceeded to take things easy: Pretty of years. He vas a good railroad man, soon he spied an ancient Bible in one of Ike, but he vas unlucky.” And Solomon the dusty racks—a memento of the pre- mopped the perspiration from his brow, historic days when railroads were run by and glanced up and down the street in Christians. He looked at it curiously for hopes that a customer would come along a minute or two, took it down and com: in search of a pair of all-wool pants. menced thumbing its pages. After a bit he struck some statement in Genesis that seemed to interest him, and he commenced reading. He was evidently in- The sun is about 92,500,000 miles from terested, for he hardly looked up for half the earth, not 95,000,000 as was popularly an hour.
Then he whistled for a train- supposed ten years ago. Computations boy.
made at the last transit of Venus across Say, boy,” he said, “do you carry the sun's disc had established the latter this book? It's blanked interesting, and figure, though not exactly. A sun spot I want a copy.
measuring one second of distance is 450 Dunno,” said the boy. Let's see miles in size. No telescope can deal with it.”
a smaller spot. The speaker had seen The youth looked at the book a second spots with the naked eye. A spot large or two and then at the man as he blurted enough to be seen with the naked eye
must measure 250,000 square miles. Course not, you blamed fool; that's How long the sun has given out heat, asthe Bible."
tronomers are not yet able to tell. It has That's what!” exclaimed the drum- probably been for millions of ages. We mer as he turned to the fly-leaf.
see the marks of the sun's heat in the “A Bible,” replied the boy.
depths of the coal mines where lay the “Thunder!” he said in disgust, drop- vegetation of ages ago. The pores of the ping the book; “I haven't seen one since sun are something wonderful in their naI was a boy.”
ture. The millions of these pores are The train-boy poured water on him, about all of the sun's surface which can the pretty girl looked sympathetic, and be ordinarally seen through a telescope. the old maid offered her fan, but he did The chromosphere, which is a stratum of not recover until the conductor held his red hot hydrogen 3,000 miles in thickprivate corkscrew under his nose.
ness, can only be seen during an eclipse. “Great guns! that was a bad break,” Then there is the wonderful corona which was all he said.
varies in size at each eclipse.
THE FIELD OF INVENTIONS.
man has done in this new direction is exScientific.
hibited in the substance called alizarine. It is the substance which gives to madder its coloring quality. Not many years
ago madder was extensively cultivated I hear people not infrequently express in many countries to supply the demand the belief that man will soon exhaust the for the arts. Now the article is made arfield of invention. The inventions of the tificially from coal-tar, and the fields last century have been so numerous and where madder was cultivated have to be wonderful that to many minds it seems devoted to other purposes. Invention most likely that man will soon reach the has taught man how to make indigo, and limit of his power, or that he will ex- the artificial article is likely to supplant haust the resources of nature. But there the natural product. Diamonds have is little reason to fear that either condi- been produced artificially. I have full tion can be reached for ages, if ever. It faith that sugar will in time in like manis as little likely that man will ever reach ner be produced artificially. Starch and the limit of invention as it is that he will oil may not unlikely be provided in the be able to fix the bounds of the universe. same way. Man now cultivates the silk
materials and forces of nature so as to converts a large portion into a glutinous reach new results. how numerous are the materials which thread, hardens and forms our silk. Man nature presents to the observation and may yet learn how to extract silk directly use of man, how varied in kind and de- from the leaves, and perhaps even progree are the forces which are in constant duce the substance which the worm elaboperation, and how multifarious and in orates and spins into silk. tricate are the laws which govern their Since the telephone has shown that actions and relations, and then calculate, man, through the agency of electricity, if he can, the number of possible combi- can talk with his fellow men hundreds of nations which can be made. I have seen miles away, there are men daring enough the statement, which is no doubt true, to think that through the same agency that the fifteen blocks in the gem puzzle man may yet see things at an equally can be arranged in more than a million great distance, so that you may not only different ways. If this simple toy pos- talk from Boston to your friend in New sesses such capabilities, what possibility York, but may actually see him as if face is there that man can ever exhaust the to face, and they claim that their atfield of nature? Wonderful as man's in- tempts have been attended with some deventions are in number and character, gree of success. Would you dare to say they are at an infinite distance behind the it was more unlikely that such a result works of nature. What a multitude of may be achieved than that man should be created things there are in nature, look- able to transmit intelligence instantly ing simply at species and varieties, and three thousand miles through the depths not at the individuals! How many kinds of the ocean? Through long ages man of plants and animals are to be found! remained unconscious of the presence What multitudes of reptiles and insects! and action of the forces of magnetism No machine which man has invented and electricity, but we now know that calls into play such wonderful forces or they are constantly present everewhere is governed by such wonderful laws as and incessantly active. What forces the humblest plant on which he treads! may still be hidden from the observation Man is far enough yet from inventing a of man it is impossible to know. structure which shall build itself up from There is no sign that the work of the the earth, air and water, and scatter inventor is near its end, and those who germs for its indefinite reduplication! He believe, as I do, that he has been the chief has succeeded in copying some of the agent in the progress of the world, have products of nature, and he will achieve no reason to doubt that the world will be still greater results, but in doing it he has still more deeply indebted to bim as the but opened a new field of invention, one centuries go by. which only a few years before seemed There are now in force in this country utterly beyond his reach. He has en- more than 250,000 patents for inventions, larged the field of invention, not ex- the fruits to a very large extent of the hausted it. A striking instance of what, mental labor of those who are called the